The Long and Winding Road
by trek
Summary: One Night sends Horatio and Valera on a journey together.
1. One Night

_Notes: Rating - I've rated the whole series as NC-17 as there will be a couple of chapters which warrant it. For the most part though, the rating will be sticking around the PG-13 and R mark._

_Spoilers - Some chapters will contain episode specific spoilers and will be marked as such. There will be general spoilers for seasons two through four which could appear at any time._

Valera POV

Oh My God. This is… Oh God. I can't believe I did this. I really should be listening to what he's saying right now but I can't seem to switch off the extreme panic I'm feeling. Oh great, now he's stopped talking and is probably waiting for me to say something. What was he saying? A quick mental review and I manage to recall he was giving me a general introduction and welcoming me to the team. I guess I should attempt some kind of reply.

"Thank you Lieutenant, I'm excited about working here." Well that didn't sound cliché, oh no.

The red head nods and gives me a quick smile before addressing me again. "I'll show you down to the DNA lab and you can get acquainted with the set up."

"Great. That sounds… great, thank you." I say nervously, desperately attempting to avoid eye contact. I cannot look at him right now.

I watch as he steps around the desk and opens the door before letting me walk ahead of him. His hand briefly brushes against the small of my back… wow that touch brings back memories. His gentle touch directs me through the halls as he guides me to the DNA lab.

"Ok, I guess I'll leave you here to get settled in then." And then he's gone, leaving me alone to panic.

I should probably be checking things out or something, but it's going to take a few minutes for me to get focused again.

I start puttering around the lab and let my thoughts travel back to last week. I was celebrating getting this job with a few of my girlfriends and ended up going home with a guy I met. A guy I now know to be Lieutenant Horatio Caine of the Miami Dade Crime Lab, my new boss. Oh God.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I feely admit that I've had my fair share of one night stands, but this was different to anything I've experienced before. This was… intense. I can still remember the feel of his hands on my body and the overwhelming sensations as he moved inside me. I really don't think I'm going to be able to look at him without picturing him moving above me. Not a good mental image to have in the workplace.

With most guys I've gone home with it is all about instant gratification, both parties want to get theirs and that is it. With him it was different. He was fully into the experience and so was I. We were going at it for hours until finally exhausting ourselves. Great now I'm sitting here blushing at the memory of having sex with my new boss.

The door to the lab opens and my visitor introduces himself as Speedle before handing me a pile of DNA samples to run. Hopefully now I can throw myself into the work at hand and stop my mind from wandering down inappropriate alleys.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As the day draws to a close the printer beside me is working away rapidly as I finish compiling a report. I'm arranging papers in the file when I hear the door open, I look up expecting to see Speedle waiting to collect his results but instead find myself staring into a pair of deep blue eyes.

"Oh," is all I can manage to say. Smooth.

"Hi." Well at least he isn't that much more eloquent than I am right now. "I, uh, thought we might need to talk about the other night." He is talking to his shoes so I guess he's not feeling overly sure of himself right now, which is actually a somewhat reassuring thought.

"Oh. Yeah." I'm still unable to form actual sentences.

We wait in silence for a few moments; I don't trust myself to say anything coherent so hopefully he will make the first move. In the end he does.

"Obviously, we didn't know what our working relationship was going to be that night and I don't think we should let what happened interfere with it now. I don't want you to feel awkward about working with me."

"I don't, Lieutenant, really I don't." The words spring out of my mouth suddenly, I hadn't intended to interrupt him. "This morning I was just really surprised." I summon up my courage and keep on talking "That night was… intense." Some part of my ego notes that the tops of his ears have now turned slightly pink, interesting. "But, I think it's fair to say that both of us were expecting it to be a one time thing and there's no reason it can't stay that way. We can start our working relationship completely fresh."

Lieutenant Caine nods as I finish speaking, but there is something unreadable about his expression right now and I'm not sure what to make of it.

"Then we'll call this a fresh start," he tells me with a hint of a smile.

I nod, my confidence having failed me again.

"I look forward to working with you, Maxine."

"Valera," I correct automatically. His expression says 'huh?', but he doesn't actually say it. "No one but my parents call me Maxine." He chuckles to himself in response.

"Ok, Valera then. Oh and there's no need to call me Lieutenant, Horatio will be just fine." I'm offered one last shy grin before he leaves the lab.

Well, this has certainly been one hell of a first day.


	2. Old

_Notes: Set during 'Hard Time', no actual spoiler content though._

Horatio POV

I'm getting too old for this.

I've been sitting outside this prison for over an hour, sipping at a cup of coffee, hoping it will keep me focused.

Unfortunately, it's only half working. I'm focused, but not on what I should be.

My mind keeps wandering, although not to an unpleasant topic.

Maxine Valera. The new DNA tech. The woman I had a one night stand with just before she started working at the lab.

I was surprised to see her standing in my office that morning. We didn't exactly exchange names during our first encounter, so when I was sent her file the name didn't ring a bell. Perhaps if I hadn't been so slammed with paperwork, I might have actually looked in her file and recognised the photo. I've had many years of practice at schooling my reactions, so I don't think my shock visibly registered; at least I hope it didn't. I certainly hadn't been expecting to find her standing in my office that morning.

I don't often pick up women I meet at bars, but sometimes things just happen. And happen they did that night.

She sat down next to me at the counter, already kind of tipsy. I'd knocked back a few by that stage as well. I had the freedom of not being on call the next morning and wanted to unwind from a crappy day. She ordered a martini, told the bartender she was out celebrating getting a new job. Impulsively, I paid for her drink, ordering another for myself, telling her she shouldn't have to pay for her own celebration.

The smile she offered in return lit up her whole face and I couldn't help but be mesmerised by it. We stayed talking after that. Not about anything in particular really, just flirting mostly. I'm pretty sure she ditched the friends she came with to sit with me. At the point where I felt her hand working its way up my inner thigh, I decided to seize the moment, leaning over to whisper an invitation in her ear. An invitation she quickly accepted.

What happened next was… amazing. We were all over each other in the cab on the way to my condo, gave the driver quite a show I'm sure. The rest of the night carried on like that. I enjoyed losing myself in her for a few hours.

My personal life is decidedly complicated at the moment; it was good to just forget for a while. Even if it was just for that one night.

I tried to remain professional throughout our second meeting in my office, not wanting to give any indication of my inner thoughts. My only slip came as we walked out of my office. My fingers brushed against the small of her back. That slight touch reminded me of what we had shared. I pulled away my hand quickly, uncertain as to whether my touch would be welcome.

After that initial awkwardness in my office, we managed to work things out. She seemed nervous in my office that first morning, having immediately recognised me, neither of us acknowledging our previous encounter. But, later in the day we spoke again. I visited her in the DNA lab, feeling it was best not to ignore what had occurred between us. Better to get things out in the open. As we spoke her words raised a blush on my face, she was still having an effect on me. In the end we agreed to start fresh, move on from what had happened between us.

This agreement hasn't stopped us from being slightly awkward around each other. She is quite nervous whenever we are in the lab alone together, I'm not sure if this is because of the night we spent with each other or simply a natural quirk. As a result I find myself quite hesitant around her. I don't want to make her uncomfortable.

I've looked in her file now. I was curious about her. Something about her made me want to look deeper.

I admit I've been, reluctant, to forget about our night together completely. Something about her keeps drawing me in. I've checked out her file, which I should do anyway as her boss, nothing inappropriate about that. She is a Florida native, although she grew up in Tampa Bay not Miami. She attended Miami U, where she got a BA in Biology and an MA in Genetics. She worked in a private lab, briefly, before this. She's twenty-nine, so it's something of an ego boost to think that she wanted to spend the night with me.

The object of my professional scrutiny appears, breaking into my reverie. Time to refocus my mind.

Stiffly, I move to get out of the Hummer. I'm getting too old for this.


	3. Pretend

_Notes: Set during 'Hurricane Anthony', slight spoilers for the episode._

Horatio found himself wandering the halls, not aimlessly but with a clear destination in mind: the DNA lab. Horatio hoped that Valera would have something for him.

Valera.

Maxine Valera was currently an interesting topic in Horatio's mind. A woman he had a one night stand with several weeks ago. A woman he could not seem to dislodge from his thoughts. Despite their agreement to forget about what had happened between them, she continued to invade his thoughts.

Valera was still quite nervous around him and Horatio was not sure if it was just because he was the boss or because he had an… intimate knowledge of her. Some days this reaction amused Horatio but other times he thought maybe he should talk to her about it. Not that Horatio had any idea what he would say. All he knew was that he did not want her to be uncomfortable around him.

Horatio arrived at the DNA lab and attracted Valera's attention, asking about the blood sample from the nails. As expected, Valera had a nervous air about her and addressed him as, "Sir."

He did not stay in the DNA lab for long, wary that he may have been making Valera uncomfortable.

Horatio went back to work, following up on all the threads of information he had pulled so far. Determined that he would find out what had happened to Martin Medesto, for his wife and unborn child.

XXXX

Later in the day Horatio returned to the DNA lab, hoping his second request would be more productive than the first.

Valera glanced up at Horatio, noting that he had changed suits since their last encounter. Gone were the black suit and blue shirt, replaced by a beige suit and matching white striped shirt. Valera took a moment to decide which outfit she preferred, before realising that was probably not something she should be thinking about, particularly at work. Valera ducked her eyes quickly, hoping he didn't notice her appraisal of him.

"Hi," Horatio greeted softly, toying with the evidence in his hands.

"Hey," Valera returned equally softly.

"I need you to run this sample from the car against the blood sample I gave you earlier," Horatio explained, stepping over to Valera and handing her the sealed cue-tip.

"Okay," Valera replied slowly, not sure she saw the link between the two cases. Valera's curiosity got the better of her and she asked, "Why?"

Horatio shrugged slightly and replied cryptically, "Just following the evidence."

Valera turned her body on the stool, allowing her to fully face Horatio. Only then did Horatio realise that he had unconsciously edged closer to Valera and was now standing very much in her personal space. Valera did not seem to mind.

Their eyes locked and they both grinned sheepishly at each other, caught in the moment. Horatio was first to break away, feeling like he had over stepped a line somewhere. Although he did not know what bordered the line.

"What happened to your head?" Valera asked quietly, surprising Horatio by running a gentle finger along the cut.

Horatio glanced back up at Valera. "Run in with a reluctant evacuee," he explained simply. Horatio surprised himself by giving up that information so easily, when it had taken several attempts on Yelina's part to extract the same response.

Valera nodded, the movement caused Horatio to realise that he was leaning even closer to her. Horatio moved away quickly and re-established a more appropriate distance between them. Both looked slightly embarrassed.

"Uh," Horatio stumbled over his words, raising his eyebrows as he did so. "Let me know when you get the results," Horatio instructed.

"Yes Sir," Valera replied as Horatio turned to leave.

Horatio stopped in his tracks and turned back, reminding her, "You really don't have to call me 'Sir', very few people actually do. Horatio or H, will do just fine."

"OK."

"Good." This time Horatio really did turn and leave the DNA lab.

XXXX

Valera spotted Horatio standing outside the DNA lab and quickly made her way out to him, grabbing his results as she did so.

Horatio's head was down, studying his fingertips, so Valera called out to him, drawing his attention and stopping him from wandering off. Valera resisted the urge to use his rank, saying his name instead, just as he had instructed on multiple occasions now.

Both were conscious of their earlier lapse in professionalism and made sure to maintain some distance between them.

Valera found herself rambling as she explained the results to Horatio. As she studied Horatio's reaction, Valera noted the narrowing of his eyes and realised that this was the outcome he had expected. Horatio was not following the evidence; he was one step ahead of it.

Horatio thanked Valera and she smiled to herself, oddly pleased by his approval.

Valera and Horatio parted then, she suspected he was off to close the case. Sitting back at her workstation Valera thought over the day and in particular her encounters with Horatio.

She had felt drawn to him each time they had been alone. Valera could not believe that she had been bold enough to touch Horatio's cut and ask him about its origin, in the middle of the lab of all places. But, Horatio had not pulled away from her immediately, which surprised her.

The whole situation confused Valera, but she figured that her best option was still to stick to their original agreement and pretend nothing had happened.

XXXX

Horatio was no less confused than Valera.

Horatio was stood in the PD building, staring out at the horizon.

Yelina would be waiting for him later that evening, along with Ray Jr. Horatio had extended an offer of assistance which Yelina had accepted.

Yelina.

Horatio's sister-in-law. The woman who somehow always managed to make him trip over his own tongue. The woman he could never quite figure out his feelings for.

His relationship with Yelina was decidedly complicated. And the complications kept piling on.

Valera.

A woman he had known for only a few weeks. A woman who now regularly invaded his thoughts. A woman who had shared his bed for mere hours; she had not even stayed the full night.

Earlier in the DNA lab, Horatio had responded to Valera's gentle caress. They had been so close in that moment but, Horatio did not know how they had arrived at that point. Somehow, the pair had just ended up that way. They had been drawn to each other.

The whole situation confused Horatio, but he figured that his best option was still to stick to their original agreement and pretend nothing had happened.


	4. Another Night

_Notes: Set during 'Big Brother', spoilers for the episode._

"You wanted to see me, Sir?"

Valera had been watching Horatio silently while he finished talking with Detective Salas. Horatio looked uncomfortable as he spoke with the Yelina, shifting on his feet and trying to avoid eye contact with her.

Horatio turned to Valera at the sound of her voice. Valera studied Horatio carefully as he glanced at the blood stained handkerchief in his hands. Handing it over to Valera, Horatio asked her to run the blood sample.

Horatio's body language and tone of voice caught Valera's attention; there was something significant about what she was being asked to do. Valera didn't know what case Horatio was working on but the handkerchief was not bagged and sealed. It wasn't evidence. It was personal.

Valera asked what Horatio's time frame was, his simple response: as soon as possible. Nodding Valera told him that could be arranged, hoping that her answer would be satisfactory.

Horatio glanced up at Valera and she was surprised to see the confusion raging in his eyes. Something serious was playing on Horatio's mind and Valera had no idea what it was.

They shared a brief glance until Valera broke away, wanting to get started on Horatio's sample. She was certain that expediency was called for.

Horatio watched Valera go, confident that he could trust her to be discreet about his request. Discretion was something he desperately needed at the moment. Horatio was still quite shaken by the sight of Suzie's daughter, Madison, a little girl who bore such a great resemblance to both Horatio and his brother, Raymond. Horatio had little doubt what the results of the DNA test would show, but nevertheless he needed to see the proof to confirm his belief. Trust but verify. The events of Raymond's death had been questionable at best. Now, it appeared as though Ray's actions leading up to the end of his life had been just as questionable.

Horatio wanted the truth about Raymond, no matter where it might take him next. Whether or not that truth could be shared with Yelina was another problem entirely.

XXXX

Valera moved Horatio's sample to the top of her pile when she returned to the DNA lab, starting work on it immediately.

It was clear Horatio wanted discretion with regard to his request. The only problem with this was that Valera wasn't sure how official it was and what documentation should be made, she could not simply run the sample 'off the books, unless of course she wanted to attract attention. Protocol stated she had to log it in as something. In the end, Valera decided to document it as an exclusionary reference sample logged by Lieutenant H. Caine. A minimum of detail which would hopefully draw no unwanted scrutiny.

After printing out the report Valera went in search of Horatio. Having checked his office with no success, Valera made her way to the front desk making sure Horatio had not left the building. From there she was directed to the evidence vault.

Valera found him there, staring at a plastic evidence bag. She thought it contained bullets, but could not be sure. Watching him, Valera realised that Horatio looked completely lost. She also realised that he had not heard her entering the room. He was aware of nothing but the evidence in his hand. Usually it was he who snuck up on her, but this time Valera had managed to catch Horatio unaware.

Valera continued to approach Horatio, but it was not until she was almost next to him that he finally realised he was no longer alone, jumping slightly and looking up at her.

"This fast enough for you?" Valera asked, offering the file to him. Horatio didn't take it straight away. Nor did he say anything. Horatio was only able to open and close his mouth wordlessly, struggling to regain his composure. Valera filled the silence and continued talking, shocked that Horatio appeared so rattled. "Blood on the handkerchief. Have anything to compare it to?" Valera asked, guided by her curiosity, but also hoping to snap Horatio out of his silence.

Finally Horatio spoke, stumbling over his words as he did so, "No. No, uh, thank you." He took the file from Valera.

Valera offered him a slight reassuring smile, "Sure." Valera continued to give him a long appraising look before turning and leaving Horatio alone once more.

As she reached the door Valera heard the unmistakable sound of paper being screwed up accompanied by Horatio's angry growl of, "Raymond!"

XXXX

Valera lost track of Horatio throughout the rest of the day. Whatever he was working on, it was keeping Horatio very busy.

While she did not see Horatio, Valera did hear a number of whispered conversations about him.

Valera heard snippets of conversations and started putting information together. For the most part people were talking about Horatio, Yelina and Raymond, which Valera learned was the name of Horatio's dead brother, who had been an undercover narcotics Detective. It was at that point that Valera began to realise what the significance of the blood sample Horatio had her test was. Valera was also surprised to discover that the circumstances of Raymond's death were murky at best. Nobody seemed to have any real information, just idle speculation, so ultimately Valera stopped listening. This did not stop Valera from continuing her own internal speculation throughout the rest of the day, as she tied to fit together what she knew with what she had heard.

Valera didn't see Horatio again until the next morning, wearing a look of grim determination on his face. The level of gossip increased steadily throughout the day as it emerged that Horatio had arrested a man named Bob Keaton for the murder of his younger brother, Raymond Caine.

XXXX

Horatio was an easy man to spot, even in a crowded bar.

Valera saw him sitting at the counter, head down and shoulders slumped, nursing a bottle of beer. After a moment of indecision, Valera decided to ditch her friends and join Horatio. They were about to move on to a club, but Valera told them it had been a long day and she was going to head home. As her friends slipped out of the room, Valera crossed over to Horatio.

Sliding into the seat next to him, Valera said, "We have to stop meeting like this."

Horatio turned and offered her a bemused look but said nothing, taking another swig of beer. Horatio held the bottle up in question and Valera nodded. Gesturing to the bartender another two bottles appeared in front of them.

Horatio looked tired, like he hadn't slept the previous night. Which, given the events of the past two days, he probably hadn't.

Valera decided that Horatio likely had no desire to talk about his brother anymore; he looked drained by everything that had happened.

So instead she asked, "What's your favourite sport?"

Horatio turned to her in surprise, with a faint smile forming on his lips. He visibly relaxed, having expected a far different question, before answering, "Basketball."

"You play?"

Horatio turned fully to Valera, resting an elbow on the countertop. Valera moved to mirror his position.

"I played a lot in High School. Now, I get very few opportunities, but I still enjoy it."

They lapsed into easy conversation, Horatio allowing Valera to distract him from his earlier brooding.

XXXX

Horatio was curled around Valera, his chest pressed against her back. One arm pillowing his head, the other draped over her hip.

They lay in silence, bodies rapidly cooling with only a light sheet covering their lower halves. Horatio lightly kissed Valera's shoulder and said, "Thank you, for not asking."

Valera turned so that she was now lying on her back. Horatio readjusted, moving his hand so that it was splayed out on her stomach. He propped his head up so he was looking down at Valera.

"I figured if you wanted to talk, you would." Valera ran her hand along his arm, giving him a silent reassurance that she was willing to listen.

Horatio nodded but said nothing more.

They lapsed back into silence until Horatio finally said, "My brother, Ray, worked narcotics." Valera nodded; this much she had learned the day before. "Ray was killed during a drug buy, by Bob Keaton. Bob killed him, because Ray got in his face. Bob was abusing his wife." Horatio paused, deciding how much he wanted to reveal to Valera. Horatio continued but did not look up at Valera. Instead, he watched his fingers forming slow patterns on the taught skin of her stomach. "There have always been doubts as to whether Ray, was dirty." Valera had overheard that particular rumour too. "At the very least he was using meth and having an affair with Suzie, Bob's wife. I still don't know if he was dirty. I," Horatio struggled to get the words out. "I, hate myself for considering that he might have been dirty but, I have nothing solid to either prove or disprove it. The drugs may have been a necessity to pass, to complete his cover. I thought I knew my brother, but I don't know if he was capable of betraying his oath."

Valera reached up and softly stroked Horatio's hair, offering him comfort.

Horatio looked up at her.

"Ray has a daughter."

"The blood sample," Valera said, connecting the pieces, confirming what she suspected.

Horatio nodded. "Madison. I knew, the moment I saw her. I knew. I, uh, couldn't tell Yelina. She saw the signs of an affair and attributed them to the meth." Horatio sighed deeply, "I hate lying to her about him."

"You want to protect her. And her memory of him." Valera understood what he was trying to do.

"It's stupid," Horatio declared, dropping onto his back.

"No, it's not," Valera insisted, tucking herself against Horatio's side. Valera lifted Horatio's arm, draping it around her shoulders while sliding a leg over his.

Horatio ran his fingers through Valera's short hair, "Thank you, for letting me talk."

"No problem."

Valera snuggled deeper into Horatio's side but said nothing more, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

They stayed this way until Valera drifted into a slight sleep. Horatio stayed awake. Valera's eyes fluttered open not long after she fell asleep.

Leaning up Valera kissed the underside of Horatio's chin, "I should head home."

"Don't. Stay here. It's late, you, do not need to go anywhere, except back to sleep," Horatio said quietly.

"Ok, but only if you sleep too." Valera felt Horatio's chest rise and fall as he laughed quietly.

"Deal." Horatio reached out and turned off the last light, drawing Valera closer as he did so.


	5. Remembering

_Summary: Remembering - Horatio contemplates everything that has happened with Valera._

_Notes: Flashbacks are in italics. References to sex but nothing explicit._

Horatio was actually sitting in his office, an increasingly rare event. In an equally rare event, he was not working. Horatio's jacket was draped over the back of the chair and his feet were propped up on his desk, crossed at the ankles. Lost in thought, Horatio was staring out the window although he was paying no attention to the view.

Foremost on his mind was Valera. Specifically, what had transpired between them two nights ago.

Horatio had been sitting alone at the bar when Valera approached him, striking up conversation about Basketball of all things. Horatio had been extremely grateful to not have to talk about Raymond. Valera effectively took Horatio's mind off his brother, which he had assumed to be her intention, something he had been unable to make himself do.

Horatio wasn't sure how long they had spent talking, he lost track of time completely, relieved to have something else occupying his thoughts.

Much as they had on previous occasions in the DNA lab, Horatio and Valera found themselves drifting closer to each other as they talked. An unconscious impulse acting between them, drawing them together. Impulsively, Horatio had leaned forward and kissed Valera, tenderly at first but the kiss quickly escalated as Valera responded to him, the heat rising between them. When they pulled apart, Valera had taken Horatio by the hand and led him out of the bar. Once again they had found themselves sharing a cab to Horatio's home.

And now Horatio was sitting in his office thinking over his relationship with Valera. Not that it could be considered a relationship. They had barely spent two nights together.

Horatio found himself in the unusual position of not knowing what to do next.

Horatio felt inexplicably drawn to Valera but he was still confused by his feelings for Yelina. No matter how hard he tried, Horatio was consistently unable to determine the true nature of those feelings.

Horatio didn't think that Yelina was anymore certain of her feelings for him either. She seemed to shift between drawing him closer and pushing him away. Nothing had ever been simple between them. Not when Raymond was alive. Not now that Raymond was dead. Horatio did not know how he was supposed to act around Yelina anymore.

The spectre of Raymond hung over them. Her husband. His brother. Two facts that were always present in their minds.

And now Horatio was extremely attracted to another woman.

Horatio thought back over the first night they had spent together and realised that, despite the fact they had never met each other before, there was immediately a strong connection between them.

_Horatio flopped back down onto the bed and looked up at the woman straddling his hips. She grinned down at him and slowly lifted herself off his body; her hands lingered on his chest. Horatio removed the condom tied it off and tossed it into the nearby trash can to join the others they had used. Horatio had surprised himself that night._

_The woman lay down on the bed next to Horatio draping an arm over his chest. Horatio leaned over and began kissing her slowly, gently exploring her mouth with his tongue. As he did this Horatio realised he still couldn't remember her name. He wasn't even sure that he had asked it in the first place. However, considering they were both naked and sweaty in his bed, Horatio didn't think now was the best time to ask._

_They continued kissing until, eventually, the woman rolled away from him. The first signs of sunrise were starting to filter through the curtains._

"_I should head home," she said. Horatio noted a slight hint of reluctance in her voice._

"_OK." The woman leaned over and kissed him once, quickly, before sliding out of bed and gathering her clothes from the floor._

_As she dressed, Horatio sat up and watched, enjoying the view, before getting out from under the sheets and pulling on his boxer shorts._

_As he walked over to her, Horatio said, "Let me call you a cab."_

_The woman shook her head and said, "It's fine. I'll walk."_

_Horatio ignored her and reached for the phone. "Let me, call you a cab," he said again with a slight smile playing at the corner of his lips._

_She relented, "OK."_

_Horatio followed as she walked through his hallway. She turned and pushed him back against the wall, moving in to kiss him._

_They didn't break apart until the door buzzed long minutes later._

_She kissed him one last time and said, "Bye," as she walked out the door._

That night had been a mixture of the surreal and the intense, it had not turned out the way Horatio had expected when they left the bar. Horatio had been surprised at how easily he had opened up to a woman he had never met before. He had been equally surprised at how easily she had opened up to him that night. Neither of them had held back.

Their second night together had been equally surprising. It had also been free of any awkwardness; their actions had seemed completely natural, despite the fact that this was no longer an anonymous hook up. Valera had offered him comfort without asking anything in return, she had seemed to know exactly what he needed. That night Valera had stayed until morning and Horatio had enjoyed waking up with her in his arms.

_Valera was sleeping soundly, her head resting softly on Horatio's chest._

_Horatio had woken up ten minutes earlier, his own internal alarm clock waking him up for his morning run. However, Horatio was unable to find the motivation to get out of his bed. He did not want to let go of the woman in his arms, nor did he want to wake Valera up. His fingers skimmed lightly over her arm, careful not to disturb her._

_Horatio continued to watch Valera sleep until eventually she started to stir, fifteen minutes later._

"_Morning," Horatio said softly, kissing the top of Valera's head, hopeful that he was not over stepping his bounds._

"_Hey," she replied sleepily, stretching along Horatio's body. "How long have you been awake?"_

"_Not long."_

_Valera glanced at the clock sitting on Horatio's bedside unit._

"_I really should head home. Got to get ready for work." Valera sounded reluctant._

"_How about, you give me twenty minutes to get showered and dressed and I'll give you a ride home." Before Valera could protest about not wanting to inconvenience him, Horatio continued, "I was planning on getting an early start anyway. Please."_

_Valera smiled up at him and nodded._

"_Great. Help yourself to anything you want in the kitchen."_

_Horatio disentangled himself from Valera and got out of bed then wandered into the bathroom. Valera admired his naked ass, not moving from her place in bed._

_Twenty minutes later, as promised, Horatio joined Valera in the kitchen. Horatio was now dressed in a black suit with a deep red shirt. Valera too was now fully dressed, wearing the clothes she had on the night before, holding a mug of coffee and staring absently out the window. She admired Horatio's view of the ocean as she stood deep in thought. Here she was standing in her boss's kitchen, drinking his coffee and not feeling awkward._

_Horatio attracted her attention, "Hey."_

"_Hi. You want one?" Valera asked, holding up the mug of coffee._

"_No, thank you. I'll grab one at the lab."_

_Valera rinsed the mug and left it in the sink with his other dishes while Horatio clipped his ID, badge and gun to his belt._

_Turning to her he asked, "Are you ready?"_

"_Sure."_

_Horatio picked up both sets of keys and led Valera out of the house._

Horatio didn't know what he should do next. But, he did know what he wanted to do next.

So, Horatio pushed away from the desk, picked up his jacket and left the office, locking the door behind him.

XXX

Valera opened her apartment door and was surprised to discover Horatio standing there, looking somewhat sheepish with his head down studying his shoe tops.

"Hi," he greeted quietly. Horatio pulled a bottle of wine from behind his back, "Would you like a drink?" Horatio looked up at her quickly, but then back down at his shoes.

Valera smiled widely, "Sure." She opened the door invitingly, "Come on in."

"Thanks."

Horatio followed her into the apartment, taking in his surroundings. Up until now he had only seen the front of the building.

Valera led Horatio into the living area. Taking the bottle of wine from him, Valera directed him to take a seat on the couch. Valera disappeared through an open doorway, into what Horatio assumed was the kitchen.

Valera returned a few moments later with a now open bottle of wine and two glasses, just as Horatio was draping his discarded jacket over the couch arm rest.

Valera set the bottle and glasses on the coffee table before curling up on the couch next to Horatio, not quite sure what had brought him to her apartment.

"This is a surprise," Valera ventured quietly.

"I, uh. I wanted to talk to you," Horatio was hesitant in his reply. Reaching out Horatio poured the wine, taking one glass for himself and passing the other to Valera.

"About?"

"About, the other night."

"I don't regret what happened," Valera said firmly.

"Nor do I," Horatio replied quickly, looking up at her. A slight blush coloured his cheeks.

"Good."

Horatio blushed a little deeper.

"I don't, I don't think I'm being fair to you, though," Horatio explained hesitantly.

"Why?"

"I can't offer you anything more than this," Horatio told her. Horatio didn't know his own mind well enough at the moment to promise Valera anything.

Valera considered that for a moment before answering, "I'm not asking for anything more than this." Horatio didn't say anything more, so Valera continued, "I've heard… rumours about you and Detective Salas. Wait," Valera placed a restraining hand on his arm, stopping him from interrupting. "I'm just saying, I've heard rumours. But, it's none of my business." Valera paused again. "I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now and I doubt you are either." Horatio nodded silently. "Horatio, both times we've been together have been a lot of fun. A lot of fun," Valera grinned and Horatio couldn't help but smile in return.

Valera set down her wine glass and took Horatio's out of his hand.

Slowly, Valera edged closer to Horatio and moved to straddle him, placing both hands on his shoulders.

Instinctively, Horatio wrapped his arms around Valera's waist, sliding his hands onto her ass, drawing her closer.

"I don't see any reason why we can't keep on having fun, Horatio."

"Nor, do I," Horatio leaned forward tugging on Valera's lower lip with his teeth, pulling her into a kiss.

"No demands, no expectations. Nobody gets hurt," Valera clarified.

"That, sounds like, an excellent plan." Horatio punctuated his words with delicate kisses.

"Good." Valera leaned forward and pulled Horatio in for a passionate kiss.

_End Note: The rating for this fic will be moving up to 'M' in the next couple of chapters, so look for it in the 'M' section from now on._


	6. At the End of the Day

_Summary - The end of a difficult day._

_Notes: Set during and after 'Blood Moon', spoilers for the episode._

Horatio entered the DNA lab, a determined look etched onto his features.

Valera knew what information Horatio was going to be looking for, but unfortunately she didn't have any good answers for him.

Having analysed the chaveta, Valera found only victim blood. Valera knew that Horatio was hoping she had found a second sample on the blade. Usually, in cases where a knife was used as a weapon the attacker would inadvertently cut themselves, leaving behind a sample of their own blood. The incidence of this happening was even higher when the attack was brutal; the more frenzied an attacker got the more careless they were likely to be, thus increasing the chance that they would cut themselves.

From what Valera had heard, this attack was more than brutal.

Nevertheless, she had found only victim blood. Valera told Horatio this, much to his disappointment.

Horatio got a thoughtful look on his face and asked whether Valera had taken multiple samples or just a reference.

Valera had only taken a reference, she told him that was standard procedure unless told otherwise.

"This, would fall under the heading of otherwise."

Valera considered the implications of that. "Isolating another sample in this volume could take a while."

Horatio nodded. "I understand. Better get to work." He turned then and left Valera alone in the DNA lab. Valera picked up the chaveta and looked at it despairingly. This was going to be a very long day.

XXX

It took time, but Valera worked carefully and methodically, determined that she would find something of use to Horatio.

The time consuming part of her work was isolating all the samples from the chaveta and getting them ready for analysis. This took careful work, but eventually she had the full array of samples ready. Valera set the analysis off and running, before returning her attention to the rest of her workload.

XXX

Valera finally had news for Horatio. However, she was not sure it could be classified as good news. Surprising yes, good no. Valera doubted that Horatio would take any satisfaction from the resolution of this case.

Conveniently, Valera spotted Horatio passing by the DNA lab. Quickly, she grabbed the results print out and brought it to Horatio.

Valera handed the sheet to Horatio, waiting while he read it over.

Horatio's shoulders dropped slightly as he realised what he must do. Valera watched him go. She fully expected to see Horatio again later that day.

XXX

Horatio stood alone on the steps of the PD building, deep in thought. The case was closed, but, he really would not call the outcome satisfactory.

A young man had killed the animal responsible for the torture and rape of his mother. His own father. Horatio couldn't help but let the case get under his skin. There was something all too familiar about it. Despite the brutal nature of this boy's crime, Horatio wanted to help him and his mother. Both were victims of an achingly tragic situation.

Horatio decided to head back to the CSI lab. There was little more he could do to help mother and son for the time being. But he would not give up on them.

When he arrived back at the lab, Horatio headed straight for DNA. Straight for Valera.

Horatio walked into the DNA lab, pleased to find Valera alone.

Valera greeted him warmly, "Hey."

Horatio settled himself against the work bench opposite Valera and said, "I, wanted to thank you. For your hard work today. I appreciated your efforts."

"No problem, Sir."

Horatio noted the playful tone in Valera's voice as she called him 'Sir'. Gone was the nervousness that had been present in the first weeks Valera had worked at the lab.

"Do you have any plans for tonight?"

"Nope."

Horatio couldn't suppress his smile. "I've got about an hours worth of paperwork to sort through before I head home. Perhaps, you would like to stop by this evening."

"Perhaps." Valera's tone and smile indicated that she had no doubt as to where she would be spending her evening.

Horatio smiled happily at her and departed the lab.

XXX

Valera left the lab not long after speaking to Horatio. This gave her the opportunity to head back to her apartment and shower before joining Horatio. Valera packed a few things in an overnight bag as well, not that she really needed to bring much with her anymore.

Over the past couple of weeks Valera had managed to secure a supply of personal items at Horatio's house. Her toiletries sat alongside his. Her clothes hung next to his. Horatio's stuff had also started appearing in her apartment. His shaving kit and toothbrush stood in her medicine cabinet. A selection of his suits and shirts hung neatly in her closet. Her laundry got mixed in with his. His dry cleaning got picked up with hers. In a few short weeks their lives had started to blend together. Initially, their time together had been little more than sexual trysts. One would arrive at the others home and they would promptly find their way to the bed or nearest flat surface. Talking would only happen afterwards. This all changed when Valera noticed that Horatio had not eaten all day and insisted on cooking him dinner before they continued along their usual path. Since then they had started regularly sharing meals and taking their time to build up to sex.

Valera knocked quickly on Horatio's door, hearing his footsteps approach not long after.

Horatio kissed her lightly on the lips in greeting. It looked as though he had only just made it home, his shoes and socks were still in place, as was his suit jacket.

Something Valera had learned very quickly about Horatio as they spent time together was that he preferred to be barefoot. It seemed to make him feel more comfortable and was just one of the interesting quirks she had learned about Horatio.

"Have you eaten yet?" Horatio asked, shedding his jacket.

"No." Valera followed Horatio into his bedroom. She dropped her bag in the corner as Horatio hung up his jacket in the closet.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed Horatio pulled off his shoes and socks. "I'll call for Chinese."

Horatio stood, untucking his shirt from his pants and reached for the phone with one hand as he did so. Valera listened as Horatio ordered what was fast becoming their usual take-out. As he was doing this Valera snuck up behind Horatio, snaking her arms around his waist. She slid her hands under his shirt and lightly caressed the skin of his stomach, causing him to squirm slightly.

As he ended the call Horatio placed the phone back in its cradle and turned in Valera's arms. Horatio picked Valera up and dropped her down onto the bed. Horatio pinned Valera down to the bed with his body, kissing her soundly.

When the food arrived nearly half an hour later they were still curled up together on top of the covers, kissing languidly. Horatio broke away, giving Valera one last delicate kiss. He rolled off the bed and went to collect their food.

XXX

They decided to eat outside on Horatio's decked patio area. Sitting at the small bench table they shared the take-away between themselves. Cartons were passed back and forth, interspersed with feeding each other bits and pieces. They enjoyed the opportunity to relax after what had been a difficult day for both.

Horatio cleared away the remnants of their meal, leaving Valera alone outside. When Horatio returned Valera was sitting on the steps leading down to his pool. He watched silently as Valera rested her forearms on her knees, hunched over slightly as she stared out at the horizon.

The last vestiges of sunlight were disappearing from the sky, bright colours flickering over the water.

Valera reached one hand up to her neck and rubbed absently at the tight muscles.

Horatio approached Valera, sitting down on the steps behind her and pressing his body close. He moved her hand out of the way and replaced it with both of his own.

"Let me," Horatio said, gently kneading her muscles, knowing that it was mostly his fault that she had spent the day working tirelessly, hunched over the lab equipment examining his evidence.

Valera leaned into Horatio's touch, "Mmmm."

Horatio carefully worked his fingers over her neck and shoulders, spending time on each knot and point of tension. Delicately, he ran his fingers up her neck, offering a gentle caress mixed in with the probing touch.

"The view out here is amazing," Valera commented, even as her eyes fluttered closed.

Horatio turned his gaze to the horizon, taking in the scene once more.

"Yeah," Horatio whispered in Valera's ear, his soft voice causing a shiver to run through her body.

"How did you afford this place?" Valera wondered curiously. She wasn't trying to be nosy, she just wanted to know more about Horatio's life and how he had ended up here.

The house itself was a sprawling two-storey affair, although the second floor was simply a converted attic which Horatio used as a home office. The ground floor was standard enough with a master bedroom, two smaller bedrooms, two bathrooms, kitchen/diner and the main living area.

It was the outside that really made the property.

The back of the living room led out to an expansive two tiered decked area. The lower tier held a good sized swimming pool, which Horatio didn't get to use as often as he would have liked. The end of the property led down, after a short walk, to a stretch of semi-private beach shared by a number of houses and apartment buildings along the local stretch of coastline. The house was far enough up the shoreline to limit potential hurricane damage, although nowhere near complete safety, but close enough to provide a spectacular view of the beach and ocean

"Hazard pay," Horatio sated simply before elaborating. "When I was on bomb squad, I invested the hazard pay. I got a good return on that investment. In the end I bought this place and some land down in The Keys. Plus, I have a little locked away for the future."

"Impressive." Valera's eyes were still closed and she relaxed even further into Horatio's touch.

Horatio continued his efforts on Valera's neck with one hand while the other travelled down her back. He gently probed the small of her back before snaking his hand around her waist. His hand finally settled on her stomach. His movements stilled only briefly.

Horatio moved his hand downwards, sliding it between Valera's thighs. Valera shifted towards Horatio's touch, increasing the contact. Horatio moved the hand between Valera's legs in time with the one on her neck.

"Mmmm. Is this some kind of all over body massaging service you offer?" Valera asked, her eyes still closed, losing herself in Horatio's touch. The material of her jeans increased the intensity of sensation as Horatio rubbed against her.

"Yes, ma'am," Horatio answered, nipping at Valera's neck with his mouth.

Automatically, Valera moved back into Horatio rubbing against him. She could feel him hardening against her back.

Slowly, Horatio withdrew his hand from between Valera's legs. She moaned at the loss of contact.

"That's not playing fair," Valera complained breathlessly.

Horatio suggested, "Let's take this inside."

Horatio rose to his feet and pulled Valera with him, kissing her deeply before leading the way back inside.

As they entered the bedroom Horatio lifted Valera off her feet and deposited her onto the bed. Horatio lay down next to her and resumed their kiss.

They started out slowly at first, kissing shallowly. Horatio's tongue darted into Valera's mouth, deepening the kiss.

Horatio pulled away from Valera just long enough to lift her tank top off. Valera was struggling with Horatio's buttons, trying to push his shirt away. She was so focused on this task that she did not notice at first that Horatio had unbuttoned her jeans and was pushing them downwards. Valera offered him a helping hand before making quick work of Horatio's pants. Their underwear soon followed.

Valera rolled over so that she was lying on top of Horatio, her hands propped on his chest holding her up. Horatio smirked and tugged on her arm so that she collapsed down onto his chest and back into the kiss.

One hand threaded into Valera's hair while the other roamed her body. Ultimately, he traced the contours of her ass and his hand once again found its way between Valera's legs.

Valera reached out to the bedside unit and completed the now familiar action of retrieving a condom from Horatio's drawer.

As she ripped open the foil packet Valera shifted away from Horatio, sitting up again. Valera rolled the condom onto Horatio and lifted herself over him.

Horatio looked on in wonder as Valera slowly, teasingly slid down his length. Her welcoming muscles adjusted to him. Horatio placed his hands on Valera's hips, helping to guide her.

When Valera settled neither of them moved at first, until Horatio rolled them over so that he was lying on top of her.

Horatio began thrusting into Valera and she met him thrust for thrust. They kissed hungrily while moving against each other. Their movements became more erratic; their bodies craved completion from each other.

Valera slid her legs up Horatio's thighs until she reached his waist. She drew him closer and pulled him in deeper. Valera tightened around Horatio as her orgasm built up to its peak. As she came Valera called Horatio's name. Horatio continued to thrust wildly until his own orgasm overwhelmed him. Horatio buried his face against Valera's shoulder, muffling his own cries.

Horatio laid his forehead against Valera's shoulder, waiting while their bodies calmed.

As he rolled away from Valera Horatio pulled out of her body. Horatio disposed of the condom and curled around Valera, pulling the sheets over their bodies.

At least the day had ended well.


	7. Comfort

Summary: Comfort - Valera offers Horatio comfort and tries to get him to open up to her.

_Notes: 1. Set during and after 'Slow Burn', spoilers for the episode._

_2. Apologies for the long delay between updates, real life combined with some struggles in redrafting this chapter slowed things down. I fully intend to get back to updating on a far more regular basis._

_3. Thanks to everyone who has been reading and those who have been reviewing as well, I value you all._

XXX

Valera had an overwhelming urge to hug Horatio, but she could not really explain why. Nor was hugging her boss in the middle of the lab something she could do without raising more than a few eyebrows.

Every time Valera had seen Horatio around the lab today, he had looked haunted. By what, Valera did not know. She hadn't had an opportunity to speak to Horatio and so had been unable to actually gauge his mood, although his body language was giving a clear indication that something was deeply troubling him.

Valera had been working on Calleigh's DNA evidence for the dead hunter case and was able to glean some information from her about what Horatio was working on. A second, badly burned, body had been discovered out in the Everglades and Horatio was working that case. According to Calleigh, the woman had been identified, mistakenly as it turned out, as Julie Bryant. This had in turn lead Horatio and Detective Frank Tripp to question her abusive boyfriend. It had only been at that point that they discovered the mistaken identification. The woman's real identity was Sandy Willis. A young woman who had been brutally murdered by a sexual predator. This last bit of information Valera had picked up from Alexx, who seemed almost as disturbed by the case as Horatio.

Valera hoped that Horatio would come to her tonight, she didn't like seeing him upset. Perhaps she would be able to draw him out of whatever dark mood had claimed him.

XXX

Horatio and Frank parted ways soon after finishing their food. Frank sensed that Horatio needed some time alone to brood, and decided to leave him alone to do it.

What Horatio really wanted wasn't to be alone, but to be with Valera. Horatio left the bar and automatically found himself driving towards Valera's apartment. It was late in the evening when Horatio eventually parked outside of Valera's building and walked up the stairs to her apartment.

Valera opened the door to him, wearing a matching shorts and vest combination. Valera took one look at Horatio and realised that his mood hadn't improved at all, if anything it had deteriorated.

Valera smiled warmly, but said nothing, pulling Horatio into the apartment by the lapels of his suit jacket. Horatio kicked the door closed with his foot and Valera leaned around him to flick the lock.

As they stood in the apartment entryway Valera fulfilled her earlier desire to give Horatio a hug. Wrapping her arms around Horatio, Valera pulled him in tightly. Horatio returned the embrace, one arm around her waist, the other cradling the back of Valera's head.

Horatio was first to pull away, kissing Valera on the forehead as he did so. Before he could retreat too far Valera caught his lips and kissed Horatio soundly, but briefly.

"Have you eaten?"

"Frank and I got a burger."

Valera nodded and took Horatio by the hand, leading him further into the apartment.

Horatio shed his jacket as they reached the couch, sitting down to kick off his shoes and socks.

Valera watched as Horatio stretched out along the couch, positioning himself as far back as he could, before lying down next to him and pressing her back against his chest. Horatio laid his arm over her waist and Valera threaded her fingers between his. Their legs intertwined, feet hanging slightly over the end of the couch. This was a position that the pair often found themselves in on many an evening, as they simply enjoyed each others company.

"How did your case turn out?" Valera asked tentatively, hoping to find out what was bothering him. She knew the vague details of what had happened, but wanted to hear it from Horatio.

"We got the murderer." Horatio's voice lacked any satisfaction. "He was preying on desperate women leaving the casino. He won't, do it again," Horatio said with firm conviction. Valera believed him.

"Did you find out what happened to Julie Bryant?"

Horatio's whole body tensed around Valera. Valera realised that this woman must have something significant to do with Horatio's dark mood in order to have produced such a strong reaction.

"She was running from her boyfriend." Anger was evident in Horatio's voice as he spoke. "Julie got picked up by the predator. Ironically, the boyfriend chased after them and scared him off. Probably the only good thing, he has ever done for her." Horatio took a deep breath; Valera felt the movement of his chest. "She showed up at PD. He started the fire in the 'glades; she could have used this opportunity to get away from him. But she just went right back to him." Horatio's disappointment was clear.

Valera disentangled herself slightly from Horatio, enabling her to turn in his arms and he shifted to accommodate her movement. Laying a hand on Horatio's cheek, Valera offered him a gentle caress.

"This case really got to you." It wasn't a question. There was no way Horatio could deny her observation.

Horatio closed his eyes tiredly and nodded, leaning into Valera's touch.

"Do you want to talk about why?" Valera offered, hopeful that he would accept.

Without opening his eyes, Horatio considered this, but ultimately shook his head, whispering, "No."

Horatio did not want to burden her. Nor did Horatio think he was actually capable of talking about why this case had affected him so greatly.

Valera simply said, "OK," accepting that Horatio didn't want or wasn't able to talk about it. She wasn't going to push him on this. Instead she leaned towards him, meeting his lips. Horatio eagerly returned the kiss, meeting Valera's advance with passion. Horatio shifted slightly so that he was propped up above Valera, one arm holding his full weight off her the other hand sliding under her top, cupping her breast. Valera moved her hands under Horatio's shirt running her hands along his bare back.

They continued kissing feverishly until, many long minutes later, they began to move apart. Their kisses became slower and shallower. Horatio rested his forehead on Valera's once they had stilled.

"Let's go to bed." Valera suggested, still tracing slow patterns on Horatio's back.

Horatio nodded and pushed himself up from the couch, freeing Valera from under him. Once again Valera took Horatio by the hand, this time leading him to the bedroom, still offering him the continued comfort of her touch and presence.

Valera pulled down the bedcovers and switched on a couple of lamps by the bed, directing Horatio to sit on the edge of the bed. Returning to Horatio, Valera stood between his legs resting her hands on his shoulders. Valera regarded him slowly. Horatio's shoulders were slumped, the day still weighed heavily on him.

Horatio slid his hands along her hips and under the hem of Valera's top, lifting the material upwards, revealing her now bare breasts. A slight grin started to play at the corners of Horatio's mouth, indicating a lightening of his mood. Slowly Valera unbuttoned his shirt, pulling Horatio's arms free, and dropped it behind her.

Pulling Valera closer, Horatio laid a wet kiss on her belly his tongue gliding over her skin. Valera reached down and unbuckled Horatio's belt and moved to remove his pants. Horatio lifted his hips and allowed Valera to pull them all the way off. He sat back further on the bed, pulling Valera down with him so that she landed softly on top of his chest. The smile Horatio revealed this time was wider than the slight grin he had offered moments before. Horatio whispered, "You're beautiful," in Valera's ear before moving back to meet her eyes. Valera could see the sincerity held in Horatio's deep blue gaze.

Their mouths locked as Horatio helped Valera wriggle out of her shorts, leaving her in only a thong, which was quickly removed as well, soon followed by Horatio's boxers.

Valera straddled Horatio's hips as they continued to kiss deeply; their tongues duelled with each other. Both pushed forwards, losing themselves in each other. Horatio rolled them over and repositioned in the middle of the bed. Kneeling on the bed Horatio trapped Valera's body under his. Horatio broke away from her lips and kissed a trail down Valera's chin and along her neck. Horatio sucked and nibbled on the base of Valera's neck before sliding his tongue over her chest and through the valley between her breasts. He continued his exploration of Valera's body with his lips, tongue and fingers. Horatio wanted nothing more than to lose himself in Valera. Finally Horatio moved to take her right nipple in his mouth, simultaneously sliding his hand between Valera's legs, teasing her wet folds. Valera moaned loudly as Horatio's fingers brushed against her clit. By now Valera was familiar with Horatio's determination to please her and knew that he would not leave her wanting.

Horatio continued to swirl his thumb around her clit, the volume of Valera's moans increasing as Horatio slid two fingers into her, bringing her as close to the edge of orgasm as he could without actually pushing her over. He was toying with her, making sure that Valera could focus on nothing but him and his actions. Lifting his head Horatio once again crashed his lips against Valera's.

Horatio withdrew his hand from her and positioned himself at her entrance. Earlier in the week they had had a surprisingly frank discussion about birth control, agreeing that they did not need to use condoms anymore, and the pill would be sufficient. While their arrangement was nominally casual, neither actually had any intention of getting involved with somebody else at the same time. They both wanted trust to be an integral part of their relationship. This seemingly simple act would be an expression of that trust. So now, Horatio slid into Valera, nothing between them.

Valera's body tensed around Horatio as the first waves of orgasm engulfed her. Horatio thrust slowly into her at first, letting Valera savour the moment. Valera clawed at Horatio's back, sliding a leg up Horatio's thighs and wrapping it around his waist allowing for a greater depth of penetration.

As Valera began to still under him Horatio continued to thrust into her, picking up the pace.

Valera was by no means a silent or inactive partner in this. Once she recovered from the aftermath of her orgasm Valera focused on meeting Horatio thrust for thrust. Her body moved in time with his. Valera flexed her muscles around Horatio, knowing the effect this would have on him.

Horatio's thrusts became harder and deeper as they increased in power. Horatio's body, and mind, craved completion in Valera.

Horatio slid a hand between their bodies, once again seeking out Valera's clit. Horatio wanted them to come together this time. Thrusting faster now Horatio could begin to feel Valera's muscles tightening around him once more. Horatio's thrusts became more erratic as his control began to slip.

Valera was moaning Horatio's name as her second orgasm hit. Horatio's hips jerked as he came, spilling his release into Valera's body, his moans muffled against her neck.

Ultimately, they both stilled. Horatio lifted up slightly from Valera but did not withdraw immediately, he did not want to lose that intimate contact, and kissed her shallowly.

Horatio slowly pulled out of Valera and lay back down on the bed, drawing her against his side. Valera laid her head on Horatio's chest, positioning just above his heart. Horatio slowly trailed his fingers over Valera's arm, lightly skimming the skin while she ran her hand over his chest, toying with the dusting of hair there. These simple touches reassured each other of their continued presence, neither wanted to move apart.

Valera was relieved when Horatio drifted off to sleep first, his breaths evened out and the rise and fall of his chest slowed. More often than not Valera would be first to succumb to sleep with Horatio watching over her, but tonight Horatio's own exhaustion and emotions had overwhelmed him first.

Valera hoped that Horatio would be able to put whatever had troubled him so deeply today behind him when he awoke the next morning.


	8. Closure

_Summary: Closure - A turning point._

_Notes: Set around 'The Oath' and 'Innocent', spoilers for both these episodes and minor ones for 'Money for Nothing' as well._

"You made good time," Detective Yelina Salas said by way of greeting as Horatio stepped out of his department issue Hummer into the already warm Miami morning air.

"I rolled out as soon as I heard the call," Horatio replied as he walked over to join her at the body.

What he didn't tell her was that he hadn't yet made it to the lab when he received the call. Horatio was in fact still in bed. It wasn't even his bed.

Horatio didn't give the slightest indication of this to the woman for whom he was completely unable to define his feelings. He found himself even more unable to define those feelings now. Horatio thought he probably should feel guilty that he was having a sexual relationship with another woman while the situation with Yelina remained so hopelessly unresolved. And yet, he felt very little guilt. It didn't feel like cheating. In reality it wasn't cheating or anything close to it, they were family, but that did not stop the complications. His relationship with Valera didn't feel wrong.

His professional relationship with Yelina had actually improved over recent months, while their personal one maintained its standard confused existence.

That was of course up until Yelina discovered the existence of Suzie and Madison, a little over two weeks previous. Wrongly assuming the little girl was his illegitimate daughter, and not his niece.

Horatio had been angry at first, but now he was confused about the whole situation, as usual.

Horatio didn't feel guilty about his relationship with Valera. He didn't regret any of his actions. Nor was he entirely sure how to define their relationship. At this point they were beyond casual sex, but how far it had gone he did not know.

Horatio wished he could at least reach some kind of resolution with Yelina. At the very least he wanted to be able to move on with his life, a desire that only increased as he spent more time with Valera.

This was a new feeling and Horatio was not sure what to do about it.

All this passed through Horatio's mind as he and Yelina walked over to the prone form of Officer Cofield. Now, Horatio focused his entire mind on the grim task at hand.

XXX

Horatio responded to Eric Delko's call and arrived at what appeared to be the primary crime scene. A crime scene, which already had Rick Stetler of IAB standing in it. A development which did not please Horatio.

Horatio and Rick exchanged their customarily terse back and forth before Stetler finally moved to get out of Horatio's way.

It was only then that Horatio realised that he was not the only one who had been less than forthcoming about their current relationship status. As he watched their interaction, Horatio realised that something had changed between Yelina and Stetler.

It appeared that Yelina had finally surrendered to Rick's romantic overtures and they were now dating, or at the very least starting to move their relationship in that direction.

Yelina's thoughts seemed to mirror his own. Their relationship was too complicated, it had been since the moment they met, and she wanted to get away from it, a desire Horatio could not blame her for as he himself was beginning to feel the same way. The final straw for Yelina had been Horatio's apparent betrayal by keeping his 'daughter' hidden from her.

Horatio watched Yelina go, slightly dazed by their conversation, and considered whether this was the resolution he had been looking for.

XXX

Horatio watched as Yelina and Rick drove away. He tried to be happy for her. He was not completely successful. The long day coupled with a difficult case had left Horatio drained of the ability to maintain such a front after the couple had departed.

Horatio deeply disliked Rick Stetler, a feeling he was sure the Sergeant shared. The man seemed to have a personal vendetta against Horatio specifically and his whole team in general, a fact he had clearly demonstrated today. But, Yelina seemed happy with him.

Despite his own internal conflict there was one thing Horatio was sure of: he wanted Yelina, and Ray Jr, to be happy.

Horatio and Yelina had proved over and over again that they could not and would not take the final step towards each other. There were, as they had both said before, too many complications between them.

Horatio was happy with Valera, far happier than he ever expected to be, given the situation. The development of their relationship had taken him by surprise. Despite this, Horatio was not sure that he had been entirely fair to Valera. And for that reason he did feel guilty.

Horatio knew Valera was aware, at least in part, of the complicated nature of his relationship with Yelina. Although it was not something they had ever explicitly discussed. It wasn't exactly the elephant in the room, more like the creaky floorboard.

Horatio didn't know what lay ahead for him, but he did feel as though a significant weight had been lifted from his shoulders. While Horatio had never felt burdened by his ties to Yelina, she had been a continued area of concern in his life since Raymond's death.

Now, Horatio felt as though he and Yelina had achieved a certain amount of mutual closure. Both were in a place where they could move on with their lives.

XXX

By the end of a long and difficult day Horatio and his team had recovered their second body of the shift, this one found on the beach, and completed evidence collection surrounded by the soft hues of sunset.

There was not a lot they could do with regards to the investigation for the time being, except log the evidence so it was ready to be processed in the morning. Horatio told Calleigh, Eric and Speed to log what they had and then head home for the evening, but warned them to be ready for an early start in the morning. To an outsider this may have seemed harsh but Horatio knew without doubt that his team shared his determination and would be ready for an early start whether he told them to or not.

Horatio wandered through the lab, his ultimate goal DNA, looking for Valera. He didn't find her, which was to be expected given the late hour.

Horatio pulled out his cell phone and quickly hit the relevant speed dial button.

Valera answered after four rings.

"Hi," her voice was warm, she knew it was him. The benefits of caller ID.

"Hey," Horatio replied. "I'm about to head home for the day. I was wondering, if you wanted to join me?"

"Sure." Horatio could almost feel her smile over the line. "I'll meet you at your place."

"See you then."

They traded good byes and hung up.

XXX

Horatio and Valera lay curled up in bed spooned together, both staring absently at the window even though the blinds blocked most of their view. Valera was positioned behind Horatio, one arm propping her head up so that she could look down at him. The other wrapped around his body, her hand joined with Horatio's, curled next to his chest.

"I hear porn is the new Martini," Horatio commented lightly.

Valera groaned and dropped her head against Horatio's shoulder glad he could not see the blush creeping up her cheeks, "I can't believe Calleigh told you that."

"It just, came up in conversation." Valera could feel Horatio's smile through his body.

"Really?" Valera asked sceptically.

Horatio shrugged, "You know Calleigh, no conversation is too 'out there' for her."

"So dare I ask you about your porn collection?" Valera lightly nibbled on Horatio's earlobe, knowing that action would cause him to squirm even if the question didn't.

"I don't have a porn collection," Horatio stretched out Valera's arm and kissed the top of her hand.

"Really?"

Horatio nodded. "Really. Too many cases like this one. Women, girls, being exploited for profit."

Valera kissed Horatio's neck.

"So, do you have a porn collection?"

"No."

"But, you've been to parties where…"

"Yeah."

"You go to different parties than I do," Horatio said thoughtfully.

Valera laughed at this, but then grew serious again.

"I heard about your argument with Stetler."

Valera felt as well as heard Horatio's growl and kissed his shoulder reassuringly.

"Stetler, was poking around the lab trying to make trouble."

Valera sniffed, "That man is an ass."

Horatio couldn't help but laugh, but only momentarily before glancing over his shoulder at Valera.

"He knows about Madison."

"What, how did -? Horatio, I swear I didn't -"

Horatio quickly turned in Valera's arms and lay flat on his back. Horatio leaned up and kissed Valera into silence.

"I know you didn't," Horatio said softly. "The DNA results are in the system. Stetler, likes to get involved in things he shouldn't. I think, he likes having something to hold over me," Horatio concluded with a sigh.

Valera offered him a sad smile and a kiss.

Valera pulled away but Horatio did not let her get far. Horatio threaded a hand through Valera's hair and pulled her back down to him. Their lips met in a long passionate embrace. When Horatio eventually released Valera she was now straddling his waist.

"That was unexpected," Valera said as she slid off Horatio and curled against his side, leaving one leg wrapped around his.

Horatio only grinned boyishly in response.

Valera propped herself up on an elbow to look down at him.

Horatio saw her thoughtful expression and asked, "What?"

Valera shook her head, "Nothing."

"Maxine?" Horatio said, even though he knew the effect that using her first name would have on Valera.

As expected she glared lightly at him and said, "Caine."

He smiled and reached out to toy with her hair. "Seriously Valera, you look like you have something to say." Horatio moved his head to meet her eyes and silently implored Valera to talk.

Valera sighed. She didn't want to spoil their good mood by broaching a subject she knew would be difficult for Horatio. But, she couldn't resist the look in his eyes.

"It's just, I didn't expect you to be in this good a mood tonight," Valera said quietly.

Horatio nodded as he continued to play with Valera's hair and admitted honestly, "Nor did I." To Valera's great surprise Horatio continued talking, something he had so far proved reluctant to do when pressed on personal matters. "Cases like this one, where we can make a difference and walk away knowing that we've played some part in preventing another innocent getting caught up by people who only want to hurt or exploit them, the outcome helps you to carry on." Horatio paused thoughtfully. "Do you remember the case from a few weeks ago with Officer Cofield?" Valera nodded. Horatio had been quiet that night, although he was more thoughtful than troubled which had surprised Valera at the time. Although, as usual, he had not discussed the case and its implications for him. "Cop killings are always hard, on everyone, no matter the circumstances. But, when there are doubts and an officer's reputation is called into question it's just… worse." Horatio sighed and joined his hand with Valera's. "I know what it's like to be left with doubts. I was able to give Officer Cofield's widow answers. He was trying to do the right thing. He went about it in the wrong way and ultimately that cost him his life. But, he honoured his oath and that, that matters a great deal. His wife has closure and achieving that helped me through the day. You know that case was hard for me." Valera nodded wordlessly. "At the end of it I was able to hold on to the outcome for Officer Cofield's widow and not let the personal reminder stick with me. Today I was able to hold on to the positive outcome too."

Neither spoke for several long moments, both lost in their own thoughts.

Horatio relived memories of his younger brother and once again vowed that he would find the answers needed to settle all the questions surrounding his death. Horatio wanted desperately to be able to stop lying to Yelina. In trying to protect Yelina's memory of her husband he had damaged her opinion of him. But, somehow, it seemed worth it to not completely destroy Yelina's love for Raymond.

Valera considered Horatio's openness and was glad that he had told her this. She understood that the younger Caine's death still troubled Horatio but Valera was glad to learn that there were some things that could ease his pain. Knowing that Horatio was able to hold on to the positive aspects of the cases he worked helped Valera to understand how he could carry on day after day.

Valera was first to speak, observing that, "I spoiled your good mood."

Horatio surprised her by smiling as he said, "No you didn't."

Valera couldn't help but grin back at him in return. Horatio moved so quickly that Valera found herself lying on her back pinned under Horatio before she even noticed the motion.

"Mmmm…" Valera moaned into Horatio's equally sudden kiss.

Horatio pulled back and laughed at Valera's stunned expression.

"See… my good mood… is still… in tact," Horatio said, punctuating his words with delicate kisses.

"I can see, and feel, that," Valera replied with raised eyebrows.

"Good. Now, let's not talk about this anymore," Horatio said as he initiated another deep kiss. "In fact, let's not talk at all."


	9. A Tie

_Summary: A Tie - A simple moment._

_Notes: Set between Seasons Two and Three. No spoilers, just a little bit of fluff before moving the series into Season Three._

Horatio Caine was wandering the halls of CSI. He was killing time, not that he would have admitted that fact if anyone had asked him.

Horatio had already stopped by to talk with Speed, Eric and Calleigh, catching up on their current case loads. He himself was hands off today. The DA had 'helpfully' arranged for Horatio to testify in two different cases that afternoon. Horatio sensed this was an act of vengeance. Having spent the morning doing prep for his testimonies, Horatio was ready. He also had no desire to try sifting through the paperwork currently occupying one corner of his desk, a decision he would no doubt come to regret.

So, Horatio was killing time.

Horatio stopped outside the DNA lab and watched Valera work for a few moments before he slipped inside.

Horatio entered quietly, as was his custom, and stepped over to one corner of the lab. As he leaned against a work bench Horatio was on the periphery of Valera's vision. That was of course if she looked up from her microscope.

Horatio pushed his suit jacket back, resting one hand on his hip, where his gun would have been were it not safely locked in his desk. Horatio didn't typically wear his gun and badge around the lab. He preferred to keep the scientist side of himself separate from the cop face of his work. Only his CSI ID was still clipped to his belt; his badge safely tucked inside his jacket breast pocket.

Horatio was able to watch Valera for several minutes before she finally pulled her eyes away from the microscope and caught a glance of him. Valera jumped slightly and swivelled on her stool to face him fully.

Before she could snap at Horatio for sneaking up on her, again, Valera stopped to take in his appearance. Horatio was wearing a black suit, with a faint dark pinstripe running through it and a black shirt. This much she had seen him put on that morning. Now though, Horatio had added a tie to the ensemble. The tie too was black but with diagonal grey stripes. The tie was neatly knotted at Horatio's throat. Valera's eyes couldn't help but roam over Horatio's body.

"I don't have to be a detective to work out what's on your mind right now," Horatio observed with a grin.

Valera didn't say anything in response. Horatio laughed quietly and moved to walk over to Valera.

"No!" Valera held up a hand, stopping Horatio in his tracks. "Stay over there, or I won't be responsible for my actions," Valera warned, trying to hide her smile.

"OK."

"You weren't wearing that tie this morning," Valera observed.

"Nope. I'm due in court in," Horatio checked his watch, "an hour. I only ever wear ties for court."

"Now that is a shame."

"Really?"

"I gotta say, you're looking pretty damn hot right now."

Horatio couldn't stop a blush from creeping up his cheeks, so Valera continued, "Sexy even." Horatio's blush deepened. Valera had to resist the urge to kiss him soundly right there in the lab.

Instead she asked, "What time are you going to be out of court?"

"Hopefully, no later than five or six."

"Good. Come over when you're finished."

"OK."

"And keep the tie on."

Horatio grinned, "Yes Ma'am."

* * *

Valera distractedly attempted to get back to work once Horatio had left her alone in the lab but she wasn't entirely successful. Instead, her thoughts kept drifting back to Horatio.

Valera enjoyed the times Horatio would stop by the DNA lab simply to flirt with her, a phenomenon which now occurred with greater frequency. Although it did leave her with a distracting desire to jump her boss. A desire that could not be fulfilled until that evening.

This was not the first time that Horatio's choice of outfit had provoked a strong reaction in her. Valera could clearly remember the first time she had seen Horatio wearing something casual. In the first few weeks that Valera had known Horatio she had grown used to seeing him dressed in stylish suits. The first time he had shown up at her apartment one Saturday afternoon wearing a pair of faded jeans and a t-shirt had been surprising. Rumours in the lab suggested Horatio owned nothing but suits. Valera soon discovered that he did in fact own casual clothes and looked good in them too.

That day they had spent a lazy afternoon sprawled out on her couch watching old movies. It was the first time that Valera had been privy to the less intense side of Horatio.

Valera had quickly learned that there were many sides to Horatio. While he was intense and focused in the lab he could be equally fun and playful outside of it. Horatio also brought great focus to his life outside of the job. He trained hard every morning, running through the streets of Miami, to make sure he was physically fit for the day ahead.

One of Valera's favourite sights was that of Horatio standing in front of her bathroom sink in the morning. She enjoyed watching him stand there, towel wrapped around his waist and hair still damp from the shower, as he ran the razor over his chin and cheeks.

Valera blushed as she realised that she had been daydreaming about Horatio for ten minutes. As she quickly glanced around the lab Valera was thankful that no one was about to witness either the daydreaming or the blush it inspired.

Valera took a deep breath and returned her attention to the microscope as she willed time to move faster.

* * *

Horatio knocked on Valera's apartment door a little before seven that evening.

Horatio had obeyed Valera's order to keep the tie on but had surrendered to the needs of comfort as well. His top button was undone and the tie was now hanging loosely around Horatio's neck.

Valera opened her door and was pleased to find Horatio standing there, still wearing the tie. He had loosened it but Valera didn't mind that. The scruffier look was just as good, if not slightly better than, the neat and tidy appearance.

Valera reached out and grabbed hold of Horatio's tie, pulling him through the door and into the apartment. Moving so that her back was against the wall, Valera pulled Horatio toward her initiating a passionate kiss. Horatio braced his arms each side of Valera's body and leaned into the kiss. Neither pulled away from the kiss, instead both savoured its intensity.

When they did begin to slow the kiss, the pair did not disengage completely. Instead, Horatio kissed his way along her jaw line until he reached her ear, whispering, "Maybe, ties aren't so bad, after all."

Valera relinquished her hold on Horatio's tie, instead snaking her arms around his neck, and pulled him in for another demanding kiss.

Horatio wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled Valera away from the wall, not breaking their kiss. They started making their way towards Valera's bedroom, shedding clothes as they went.

Horatio idly considered wearing ties more often, especially if they were going to provoke this kind of reaction.


	10. She Knows

_Summary: She Knows… - The aftermath of 'Lost Son' for Horatio and Valera._

_Notes: 1. Thanks to everyone who has been reading and those who have been reviewing as well, you are all awesome. Apologies for the random gaps between updates but a rubbish internet connection and working awkward shifts is making things difficult._

_2. Set during and after 'Lost Son', spoilers for the episode._

_3. I wanted to take this opportunity to give you all a little background on this series. When I first came up with this series three stories popped into my head: one that became the first chapter, one that has become this chapter and one that will be appearing a few chapters further along. The rest of the series has basically been built around those three ideas. For those of you who are enjoying this there are plenty of chapters still to come._

_Warning: There is a slightly more adult than usual scene, but I felt it fit in with the story._

_

* * *

_

_Since entering into this relationship with Horatio, however ill defined it may be, Valera has learnt a lot about the man. Some surprising, some not._

_She knows the feel of his hands._

_She knows the feel of his breath on her neck as she sleeps._

_She knows his body. He has a scar on his right side. Its origin remains unknown. She has traced a questioning finger over its length but received nothing from him in answer._

_She knows that if she nibbles on his left earlobe in just the right way Horatio is putty in her hands._

_She knows his feet are ticklish._

_She knows that he goes for a forty five minute run every morning. Some mornings when he returns Horatio wraps both arms around her, enveloping her in a sweaty hug, encouraging her to join him in the shower._

_She knows he spends an hour at the shooting range at least three times a week._

_She knows how to judge what kind of day he has had. After a good day the sex is playful, experimental, and passionate. Horatio is eager to please, he wants to fulfil her every desire. After a bad day the sex is intense. He loses himself in her, craves her touch, and needs her body._

_She knows the smell of his shampoo, his soap, his cologne. She knows him._

_She knows he has an ex-wife._

_She knows he lived in New York._

_She knows the sound of his heart beat._

_She knows the feel of his chest hair._

_She knows that he survives most nights with barely four hours sleep._

_She knows that he likes to walk barefoot, that the first thing he does upon returning home is to kick off his shoes and socks._

_She knows he has a niece, not a daughter._

_She knows he owns (and has read) all the Harry Potter books. She knows he owns (and has watched) the complete Pixar collection. She knows neither is a result of having a niece and a nephew._

_She knows he is working a kidnap case, looking for a little boy._

_She knows he and Speed went to Macaulay's Jewellers earlier that afternoon._

_She knows one of them has been shot._

_She doesn't know if Horatio is alive._

* * *

Valera was sitting at her workstation, arranging samples, when she began to sense something was wrong. A patrol cop walking through the corridor stopped and listened to his radio then took off out of the lab. Valera thought it was odd, but couldn't put her finger on exactly why. When she next looked up from her microscope Valera spotted a cluster of her fellow lab techs gathered together and talking hurriedly. The same worried expression etched across each of their faces. They caught the attention of Sam as he passed by drawing him into their conversation. The same worried expression quickly spread over his face. Valera knew something was wrong. 

Unable to stand the tension any longer, her own sense of dread growing, Valera got up from her workstation and wandered out into the hall to join them.

"What's going on?" Valera asked quickly.

They all glanced up at her. Tyler spoke first. "A CSI has been shot. It's bad," he told her gravely.

"Who?" Prayers started to form in Valera's mind.

Aaron shook his head. "We don't know who. All we know is that the call came in from Macaulay's Jewellers."

All the air in Valera's lungs rushed out in an instant and left her feeling light headed as the world started to spin.

Valera tried to keep emotion out of her voice as she said, "Horatio and Speed went there. It was connected to the missing boy."

Their heads all dropped, the identity of the victim now limited to just two equally unthinkable possibilities. None of the assembled techs wanted to consider that either of those two men could be badly injured, or worse.

Cynthia walked up to them then, their impromptu huddle growing as the terrifying news spread throughout the lab. "Did you guys hear?" She didn't need to elaborate; her quiet tone and despairing look told them all what she was referring to.

"Yeah," Tyler answered for the group.

Valera lost all ability to talk; she simply stared blankly at her assembled colleagues not trusting herself to keep her true feelings hidden. Valera wrapped her arms around her body, physically to hold herself together. There was nothing she could really say. They didn't know that she shared a bed with their Lieutenant more nights than she slept alone. They didn't know that she and Horatio had been sleeping together for nearly a year. They didn't know that very little about their relationship was casual anymore, although neither was willing to admit that to themselves or each other.

Valera turned and watched as Calleigh approached the elevators at a run, worry and fear evident on her face.

Joseph walked up behind Calleigh; they had been in the fingerprint lab together. Joseph joined the group and told them gravely, "It's Speed."

None of the assembled group was able to speak at first, but the look on Joseph's face told them there was more. Tyler was first to summon the courage to ask the question that they all feared the answer to.

Joseph shook his head 'no' and confirmed the worst fears of everyone gathered together.

Tim Speedle was dead.

Nobody said anything; they didn't know what to say.

Valera was too numb to do anything except resist the urge to throw up as her mind continued to spin out of control.

"What do we do now?" Valera was not sure who asked the question, she heard only the words.

She thought it was Aaron who answered, "We go back to work and wait for the evidence to come in. Then we nail the son of a bitch who did this… to Tim."

The assembled group nodded in agreement, unified in the thought that whoever killed Speed would face justice. Silently they shared the hope that either Horatio or Speed got off a shot that nailed the bastard.

As the group disbanded, each heading back to where they should be, some in pairs and some alone, Valera drifted back to the DNA lab. She didn't know what to do; instead she just sat at her workstation and waited, watching the elevators.

XXX

Valera jumped every time she heard the elevator doors open, lost in her own thoughts, desperately awaiting Horatio's return.

As she waited Valera's mind kept wandering back to the last time she had seen Horatio. He had just been returning to the lab when Valera met him at the reception desk. Seeing his focused expression Valera had quickly filled Horatio in on the evidence he had sent her from the field.

The hairs that had been found in the trunk of the car had been a match to little Joey Williams, confirming that the young boy had been held captive in that small space by his kidnapers. Valera was also able to confirm a genetic match between the Williams boy and the dead man found on the boat during that morning's original case.

However, there was no match to Tawny Williams. Therefore identifying her as the stepmother. A conclusion Horatio was able to reach without being told by Valera.

Valera remembered his final words to her.

"Good to know. Thank you, Valera."

He had said it staring off into the distance, thinking through the case. Only now did Valera realise how close she had come to those being the last words she would ever hear him say.

She had left him alone then, giving him one last concerned look before turning away, knowing that he would have to move forward quickly in order to find the Williams boy alive.

As a result of this evidence Horatio had focused his attention on Mrs Williams, the stepmother, and what had turned out to be her fake jewels. Fake jewels that had led Horatio and Speed to Macaulay's jewellers. Fake jewels that had led to Speed's death.

Eventually over an hour later her target finally walked back into the lab and pulled Valera out of her thoughts. She actually felt his presence before she saw him. The atmosphere of the lab shifted as several sets of eyes moved to watch their Lieutenant.

Valera's first thought was that he looked broken. The change in his body language was subtle, but she could see it. Horatio was holding his jacket screwed up in his hand. His light blue shirt was untucked. Valera could see blood on both. Speed's blood. Horatio's gun holster was empty; his gun was evidence now.

Horatio walked slowly through the lab, head down and shoulders slumped, not wanting to be approached by anyone. Almost anyone. Valera made the decision to follow him and slipped off her stool. She walked slowly, trailing in Horatio's wake and kept a discrete distance from him. She knew that many eyes were still focused on him.

Valera thought he was heading towards his office but when she noticed a slight change in Horatio's posture she realised that he was aware of her presence behind him. Horatio diverted from his original course and turned into an adjacent corridor, slowing down to let Valera catch up with him. When he stopped Horatio leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes as he let his head drop backwards.

Valera walked up to him slowly; Horatio knew that she was there. As she stepped close to him Valera put both hands on Horatio's hips, slipping them under the shirt material and letting her fingers trail across his skin. His skin was cold to the touch and he was shaking ever so slightly. Without opening his eyes Horatio wrapped his arms around her waist and drew Valera closer to him.

It was a dangerous position for them; they could have been caught by anyone. They didn't care.

Neither spoke; instead they savoured the contact between them. Eventually Horatio opened his eyes and allowed Valera to see the pain within them.

"Thanks," he said quietly, giving her waist a slight squeeze.

Valera hesitated slightly before confessing, "I was relieved. When they said it was Speed, I was relieved it wasn't you. I feel horrible."

Horatio blinked several times, trying to stop the tears from falling. He couldn't afford to lose control. Not here and not now. Only then did Valera realise how close to completely breaking apart Horatio was. Impulsively Valera leaned forward meeting Horatio's lips for a passionate kiss. They locked mouths together, opening up to each other willingly. Desperation overwhelmed them. They kissed hungrily, trying to draw strength from each other, until both remembered that they could be discovered at any moment. Here and now was not safe for them.

Valera drew back slightly, giving Horatio space but still kept her hands on him, not willing to remove herself from him entirely.

As Valera studied Horatio closely she noticed the dried blood still present on his right cheek. Yet more evidence of the devastation that had occurred. She wanted to reach out and brush it away, but just couldn't bring herself to do it. Instead she settled for tightening her grip on his waist.

"I need to go change my shirt," Horatio said absently as he glanced down at the blood stains on it. Speed's blood. "I want to… I have to go over to autopsy."

Valera nodded, understanding why he had to be there. She took another step back, this time removing her hands from Horatio.

"I'll see you later."

"When this is over," Horatio said looking at his shoe tops, letting her know that she was unlikely to see him until both the case and Tim's death had been resolved.

"OK." Valera said simply, understanding that Horatio needed to focus and she would have to settle for giving him the space he needed to do that.

Horatio took one last deep breath as he squeezed Valera's hand quickly and kissed her on the cheek before returning to the original path up to his office.

XXX

Valera sat curled up on her couch, waiting. She was waiting for Horatio to arrive as she knew he would. Still wearing a dark skirt and blouse, Valera was dressed for a funeral. Detective Tim Speedle killed in the line of duty three days ago, buried with full police honours earlier that afternoon.

Valera wasn't bothering to pretend she was doing anything but sitting and waiting for Horatio. The last time she had seen him they were still at the grave side. Horatio had stood with Calleigh, Eric and Alexx, a quartet united by their grief. As they were disbanding after the twenty one gun salute Horatio had caught her eye, his plea to her evident in his own deep blue orbs. Nodding slightly, Valera let Horatio know that she would be waiting for him when he was ready.

And so Valera was sitting, waiting.

Eventually there was a soft knock on the apartment door, pulling Valera out of her thoughts. Slowly Valera uncurled her legs; she had been sitting long enough for the joints to stiffen.

Valera opened the door and found Horatio standing there, just as she expected, wearing the same dark suit as he had been earlier in the afternoon.

"Hi," she greeted softly, reaching out to Horatio taking his hand in her own, drawing him into the apartment. Drawing him to her.

Horatio didn't reply, wordlessly he followed Valera, closing the apartment door behind himself.

Suddenly Horatio pulled on Valera's arm, turning her around, and used the force of his body to push her back against the wall. Pressing his body against hers, Horatio's lips crashed against Valera's and initiated a bruising kiss. Instinctively Valera let go of Horatio's fingers and snaked her hands around his neck drawing him even closer. Horatio in return wrapped his arms around her waist.

They kissed for long minutes, neither pulled away for a moment, content to lose themselves in each other. Blindly Valera pushed Horatio's jacket off his shoulders and allowed it to fall to the floor. Horatio slid his hands down Valera's ass and thighs until he reached the hem of her skirt. Quickly he pushed the material upwards causing it to bunch at her hips. Ripping her panties away Horatio slid a hand between Valera's legs, forcing them further apart. Valera gasped at the sudden contact and arched toward him. As one hand rubbed against Valera's folds Horatio reached the other between their bodies to unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants. He pushed them and his boxer shorts down to his ankles. Horatio's shirt remained in place. All through this they didn't break their kiss for more than mere seconds.

Horatio removed his hand from between Valera's legs. Instead he ran both hands down along Valera's now bare legs. Horatio gripped hard and lifted Valera up, sliding her back against the wall. Only now did Horatio break away from the kiss, moving his lips to the junction between Valera's neck and shoulder. Horatio lined himself up against Valera and thrust forward quickly, entering her in one long stroke. Valera cried out in a mixture of pain, surprise and pleasure, her body not quite ready to be penetrated.

Horatio thrust wildly, his control failing him. Valera wrapped her legs around Horatio's waist, drawing him closer. Each thrust forced Valera back against the wall creating an erratic beat. Horatio did not last long, his cry of completion muffled by her shoulder. He came; Valera did not.

They stayed this way as Horatio caught his breath. He was holding her up against the wall; she had her legs wrapped around his waist. Horatio did not withdraw from her body. Absently, Valera was impressed by Horatio's strength as he continued to hold her up.

Horatio lifted his head back up to look at Valera. His expression was a mixture of distress, confusion and apology. Horatio moved back slightly, slowly pulling out of Valera as he did so. He watched as a flicker of pain passed across her face, sensitive to the movement.

Horatio dropped his head in embarrassment and shame at his loss of control. Valera quickly lifted his chin with a finger and told him, "I'm fine."

Valera unwrapped her legs from around Horatio's waist and he gently slid them back to the floor. Horatio tried to take another step back, away from Valera, but she didn't let him. Instead she held him close.

Valera understood.

Since Speed's death Horatio had been a pillar of strength for the department, they relied on him to keep them all together. But more than that Horatio had been there when Speed died. He had watched it happen. He had seen the life slipping out of his colleague, his friend. Horatio had not yet been able to grieve for that loss. Valera had known that Horatio would break at some point. That point had been now.

Valera leaned forward and pressed her lips against Horatio's, kissing him shallowly, attempting to draw him into a deeper kiss. Eventually Horatio responded, opening his mouth to hers.

As she pulled away Valera said simply, "Let's go to bed."

Nodding, Horatio leaned down to pull up his pants and boxers, feeling slightly foolish in his dressed and undressed state. As he did this Valera smoothed down her skirt. Taking Horatio by the hand once more, she led him to her bedroom. Neither bothered to pick up his jacket or her discarded underwear.

They undressed quickly and slipped under the covers. Valera slid over to Horatio and rested her head on his chest. Horatio wrapped his arms around Valera, threading one hand through her hair and running the other up her arm, his fingers lightly passed over the skin.

Valera drifted off to sleep, warm in Horatio's embrace as he stared blankly up at the ceiling.

Horatio had not said one word since he entered the apartment.

XXX

Horatio stepped out of the shower and quickly towelled himself dry as he watched Valera moisturising in front of the mirror wearing only her underwear.

His eyes instantly caught the darkening bruise on her lower back. Horatio knew what had caused the bruise: Valera's back being repeatedly knocked against the wall. This bruise was accompanied by several smaller ones on her thighs caused by his fingers digging into her flesh as he gripped tightly. All of these bruises were a result of his actions the night before.

Horatio walked up to Valera and stood close behind her as he studied her back. Slowly he reached out a hand and lightly skimmed his fingers around the bruise's edges.

"I'm sorry," Horatio said as he dropped a light kiss onto Valera's shoulder.

Turning Valera placed both hands on his chest. "Horatio, really, I'm OK. Yes, you took me a little by surprise last night. Yes, I'm a little sore right now." Valera sealed Horatio's lips with a finger, preventing him from apologising again. "Neither of those are necessarily bad things. I'm not put off by a little rough sex Horatio," Valera raised her eyebrows suggestively, causing him to smile slightly.

"Thank you."

"For what?" Valera wasn't quite sure exactly what Horatio was grateful for.

"For making me feel better," Horatio replied honestly. "Last night, I lost control and I truly am sorry for that. However, for the first time since…" Horatio trailed off, gathering his thoughts before continuing again, "…since Tim died, you made me feel alive. You didn't ask anything of me. You were just there for me. So, thank you."

Horatio kissed Valera quickly on the lips and was struck by the intimacy of the moment. It was a scene they had acted out numerous times, but today it felt different. They were standing in her bathroom, him wearing only a towel around his waist, her dressed in a matching set of underwear. Horatio was caught by the urge to say 'I love you', but he didn't know if the sentiment was true or simply a product of events from the last week. This coupling had been started with an agreement of 'no strings', but the casualness was now increasingly artificial. At least on his part. Horatio was uncertain as to what Valera's opinion on the matter would be and he could not yet bring himself to ask her directly.

Valera's voice interrupted Horatio's thoughts.

"You didn't sleep last night." It was not a question.

"No, I didn't. Don't worry about it."

"Horatio -"

"I'm fine." Valera simply looked at Horatio until he relented. "I, will be fine. In time."

Valera nodded, accepting his words.

Horatio leaned forward again, this time kissing Valera's forehead. He was enjoying the slow morning. Horatio had instructed everyone in the lab to make a late start today (unless they were working on an urgent case), giving them all some time after Tim's funeral. It seemed odd to Horatio that he had always thought of Tim as 'Speed', but now that he was gone the man had become 'Tim'.

Horatio had surprised himself by taking advantage of his own instruction to come in late. When he had written the memo, Horatio had fully intended to arrive for the day at his usual time, but now he was glad to be spending the time with Valera.

A thought occurred to Horatio and he smiled slightly to himself. A look of momentary confusion passed over Valera's face as she watched Horatio's expression change. That confusion ended as Horatio hooked two fingers under the elastic of her underwear.

"I think, I owe you something from last night," Horatio explained slowly.

Horatio kissed Valera, exploring her mouth with his tongue.

Slowly Horatio drew Valera's underwear downwards, sliding himself down her body as he did so.

Horatio lowered himself to his knees and Valera obligingly stepped out of her underwear.

Valera leaned backwards, bracing herself against the sink as Horatio teasingly slid a hand up her left calf, lifting her leg and draping it over his shoulder.

Horatio kissed a delicate trail up the inside of Valera's thigh, getting tantalisingly close to her core but stopping just short. Valera arched towards him, her arousal spreading. This act would allow Valera the completion she had not achieved the night before but would also seal Horatio's apology with a tender touch.

Horatio parted her folds with his fingers, mindful of the tenderness present. He stroked her, toyed with her, and immersed himself in her wetness.

Leaning towards Valera, Horatio slid his tongue along the path his fingers had traced. Swirling around her clit, he could hear Valera's moans. Valera threaded the fingers of one hand through Horatio's hair, pulling him closer.

Valera's muscles tightened and flexed, responding to Horatio's fingers and tongue. She could feel his stubble roughened cheek rub against her thigh, Horatio hadn't shaved yet.

Valera gasped as Horatio's tongue slid inside her, penetrating shallowly. He flexed his tongue causing her body to react to him. Replacing his tongue with fingers, Horatio rubbed his thumb against her clit. Valera's orgasm hit her all at once and she screamed Horatio's name. Horatio continued his efforts for as long as he could to prolong the moment.

As Valera calmed down, Horatio rose to his feet. His smile was surprisingly bashful when Valera eventually opened her eyes again.

"I think we have time for another shower," Horatio told Valera, taking her by the hand and leading her over to the shower, dropping his towel as he did so. Valera followed his lead and unhooked her bra before joining Horatio under the water's spray.


	11. Aftermath

_Summary: Aftermath - Picking up the pieces after the shooting._

_Notes: Set around 'Murder in a Flash', spoilers for the episode. Once again apologies for the long delay between updates and huge thanks for sticking with this story._

Valera stretched out an arm, sleepily attempting to draw herself closer to Horatio. Her fingers found only an empty mattress and not the warm body she had expected.

Peeking open an eye Valera raised her head to visually confirm that she was indeed alone in bed. Horatio was gone, his side of the bed cool to the touch. Valera opened her eyes just enough to check the time: _03.57_. Groaning Valera buried her head back down into the pillow. She didn't think Horatio would be back from his morning run for at least another half an hour. Valera drifted back to sleep, knowing that she did not need to get up until after Horatio returned.

Valera was only sleeping lightly when Horatio did return a little over forty five minutes later. Horatio was still breathing hard and his t-shirt was soaked through with sweat.

As Horatio walked into the bedroom Valera rolled over to give him a long appraising look.

"Mmm, morning," she greeted sleepily, stretching out in bed.

"Morning." Horatio wiped the sweat from his face with a towel quickly before dropping a soft kiss on Valera's forehead.

Horatio walked slowly into the bathroom, pulling off his t-shirt as he did so. The shower started up a couple of minutes after that.

Valera still did not get out of bed. Her morning started later than Horatio's. He would leave for the lab not long after she herself was out of the shower.

This was a new version of their morning routine, one developed within the last three weeks. A routine developed after the death of Tim Speedle.

Horatio's mornings had always started early with a thirty minute run. That run had now been extended to at least forty-five minutes, depending on when he woke up. Judging by his appearance that morning, Horatio had been running for far longer than that. This only served to indicate that he didn't have a good night's sleep, which was becoming an increasingly familiar event.

Valera was almost completely convinced now that Horatio was having nightmares about, or even flashbacks to, the shooting. He seemed able to fall asleep, but not able to stay in that state for an extended period of time. The only nights Horatio was able to sleep through were those where exhaustion simply got the better of him. Only Horatio's stealth capabilities had prevented Valera from knowing exactly what time he was slipping out of bed each morning. Valera did not know how to approach Horatio about this situation, or even whether she should. The continued lack of definition for their relationship made her question how far, or how much, she could push Horatio. Their relationship had progressed slowly but at no point had they stopped to discuss what either them wanted or needed from the other.

They used to share breakfast too. Horatio cooked while Valera showered. Now Horatio cooked, but did not eat, downing a cup of coffee before heading out to the lab. They no longer left for the lab together. Two weeks ago Horatio had unceremoniously given Valera a key to his house so that she could lock up after he was gone. She did not know if that was a step forward for them or not.

Horatio emerged from the bathroom, breaking into Valera's thoughts. Horatio wandered over to his closet, hair damp and a towel wrapped around his waist, selecting his clothes for the day.

"I'm running out of clothes here," Valera said from the bed. The majority of their nights had been spent at Horatio's place. Valera had wanted to make sure that Horatio came home at the end of each day and did not attempt to work himself beyond the point of exhaustion. Valera was not shy about using the key Horatio had given her. She had taken to going directly to Horatio's house to make sure that he would follow her, even on the nights where he worked late.

Horatio nodded. "I'll come over to your place tonight," he said without turning to face her.

"OK." Valera was relieved that Horatio displayed no desire to spend a night apart from her.

They were spending every night together at this point. A night apart was now a rarity, although it had been an increasingly uncommon event before the shooting too. Horatio seemed to take comfort from spending his off hours with Valera, and she was happy to offer that comfort. It was also her only means of making sure that Horatio at least attempted to sleep.

Valera finally slid out of bed and walked into the bathroom, ready to start her day.

Half an hour later Valera joined Horatio in the kitchen. Horatio was wearing black suit pants and a white dress shirt, the matching jacket draped over the back of a chair while he finished cooking scrambled eggs.

Valera stepped close behind Horatio, wrapping her arms around his waist, and hugged him from behind.

"Morning," she whispered in his ear before kissing him lightly on the cheek.

"Morning," Horatio replied, repeating their earlier greeting, as he leaned his head back to snag Valera's lips for a deeper kiss. "This is just about ready," he said, indicating the eggs, after they pulled apart.

Valera nodded and dropped a bagel into the toaster. She added a second, hoping to convince Horatio to eat something before he left.

Valera poured them both a cup of coffee while waiting for the bagels to toast, adding cream and sugar to her own while leaving Horatio's black. When the bagels finally popped up Valera grabbed one, placing it on a plate and passed it to Horatio to add the eggs.

Breakfast now complete, Horatio set the plate down onto the kitchen table.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," Horatio smiled warmly at her, as he quickly loaded the dishwasher. Leaning back against the work top Horatio sipped at his coffee, intending to wait a few minutes before leaving.

Valera did not sit down at the table immediately; instead she took the second bagel out of the toaster and spread some cream cheese over it. After this she held the plate out in front of him.

Horatio just looked at her silently for a few moments before setting his cup down and accepting the plate, offering her a slight smile before brushing his lips against hers.

"Thank you," he said sincerely.

"No problem." Only now did Valera take a seat at the table, starting on her own breakfast.

Horatio ate the bagel quickly, only needing a few bites and then gulped down the last of his coffee.

As he lifted his jacket from the chair Horatio leaned over to give Valera one last lingering kiss.

"I'll try not to be too late tonight. See you at the lab."

Valera watched as Horatio gathered the last of his stuff and left for the day, satisfied that she had at least managed to get him to eat something.

* * *

Valera was sitting in the DNA lab, hunched over a microscope, when she heard a slight 'snick' as the door opened, closely followed by the sound of soft footsteps.

She was getting better at realising when Horatio was sneaking up on her and so when his soft, deep voice said, "Valera," she did not jump as she once would have done.

Instead she turned in her seat, smiling widely at Horatio, "Hey, Lieutenant." His title was not used out of nervousness; the flirtatious note in her voice was evident.

Horatio stood in the doorway, hands on hips, as they discussed the DNA evidence he had brought her earlier. By the end of their discussion Valera had sent Horatio in search of a missing young woman: Madonna Arias.

* * *

Horatio returned to the DNA lab, this time he appeared suddenly in front of Valera, causing her to look up sharply at him.

"Switching gears," Horatio said without preamble, holding up two sealed evidence envelopes containing a wallet and credit card.

Valera was unfazed and replied cheerfully, "It's all DNA to me."

"Swab every surface of the wallet and credit card, please," Horatio instructed.

Valera dropped her head as she cut open the envelopes, careful to avoid breaking Horatio's original seals. "Good thinking. Epithelials tend to get caught in these raised numbers."

Valera looked back up at Horatio, but he was no longer there. She had not heard him leave.

"I'll… page you," Valera told the empty lab, confused by Horatio's sudden exit.

He obviously hadn't been listening to her, lost in his own thoughts, focused on the case. This was not the first time Valera had seen Horatio lose himself completely in an investigation. She only hoped that Horatio would not be too badly affected by the case. He did not need any extra pressure at the moment.

* * *

Valera was expecting Horatio to arrive in the DNA lab at any moment. She had paged him a short while earlier to let him know that his preliminary results were ready.

She did not have to wait long for him to arrive. He looked only slightly less distracted than he had earlier in the afternoon.

"You rang?" he said by way of greeting.

Valera did not bother with small talk either, sensing that Horatio would not be receptive to it. Instead she moved directly to his results. "The blood from the couch cushion is not from your victim. It's definitely from a male," she explained.

"OK."

Valera continued. "But it doesn't match your gear head, Donny Slater."

Horatio nodded in thought. "Right. So could it be, the victim's brother?"

"Just about to run a sample."

He nodded again. "Do that," Horatio said, raising his eyebrows in farewell before leaving Valera alone in the lab once more.

* * *

Horatio walked slowly back towards his office, deep in thought, unable to stop himself from drawing parallels between Madonna Arias and his brother Raymond, as well as between himself and her brother Raul. Horatio did not want to dwell on that line of thought. His brother's death was a subject that always caused Horatio a great deal of pain and guilt. The passage of time had done little to assuage those feelings. He had more than enough of both emotions at the moment without reopening old wounds.

Horatio finished up the paperwork for the Arias case in his office before adding the completed file to the growing pile on his desk waiting to be filed away. He spent a few minutes idly reorganising before realising he was not actually doing anything productive.

Glancing at his watch, Horatio realised time had gotten away from him since returning to his office. It was approaching seven p.m. Horatio winced, knowing that he had promised Valera he would not be too late that evening. However, Horatio still wanted to head out to the shooting range before finishing up for the day.

Horatio pulled out his cell phone and dialled Valera's number.

"Hello?"

"It's me."

"Hey." Horatio could hear the smile in Valera's voice. "Are you on your way?"

"Not quite," he replied regretfully. "I'm sorry. I got…sidetracked. I want to head over to the shooting range though. So, I can head over afterwards if it's not too late-"

"No, it's fine," Valera interrupted, not wanting Horatio to go home alone. "Come over. Call me when you're leaving the range, I'll fix us something to eat then. OK?"

"OK," Horatio agreed, relieved that Valera was not annoyed at him.

* * *

Valera was putting the finishing touches to a pasta sauce when there was a quick knock at the door.

After turning the heat down to simmer under the pan Valera walked through her apartment to open the door for Horatio.

"Hi," she greeted, drawing Horatio in for a long kiss.

"Sorry I'm late," Horatio apologised again.

"Actually, you're right on time. Dinner is just about ready. Go wash up and then join me in the kitchen."

"OK."

Horatio joined Valera in the kitchen a few minutes later, now without his suit jacket and his shirt untucked, walking barefoot.

"Anything I can do?"

"Set the table?"

"No problem." Horatio dropped a soft kiss onto Valera's bare shoulder as he passed by.

Valera studied Horatio throughout dinner, attempting to gauge his mood. Eventually, she decided to broach the subject of the missing person's case he had been working on throughout the day.

"You disappeared on me this afternoon," she started softly.

"I did?" Horatio asked. He seemed genuinely confused, unable to remember offhand what she was referring to.

"Yeah, after you brought me the wallet and credit card. I was talking and looked up, but you had already gone."

"Oh. I, uh, I didn't realise…" Horatio trailed off. He and Valera were now clearing the dishes from the table.

"I figured you were pretty lost in the case." Valera rinsed off their dishes and handed them to Horatio to load into the dishwasher.

"I was," Horatio admitted quietly.

Valera took Horatio by the hand and led him out to the main room of her apartment, depositing him on the couch.

"Wait here."

Horatio did as he was told.

When Valera returned she was holding a glass of water, which she handed to Horatio along with two Tylenol.

"Take these," Valera instructed, sitting down next to him, folding her legs under herself so that she could curl against his side.

Horatio smiled gratefully, "Thanks," and swallowed both pills. He had been fighting off a headache all afternoon. Valera had spotted the tension around his eyes and known that Horatio was likely to ignore his own pain until prompted to do something about it.

Horatio wrapped both arms around Valera, drawing her closer.

"Tell me about it," Valera instructed gently.

And so, Horatio did. He told Valera the details of the case. Explaining how Madonna Arias' brother, in an attempt to save her from the meth, had set in motion the events which had lead to her death. Horatio told her how he had been unable to tell Raul this, not wanting to burden the young man with the guilt of his sister's death.

Horatio did not go into detail about the parallels he had drawn with Raymond, but Valera was well aware of what would be passing through his mind. Valera was running her hand lightly over Horatio's chest, offering him all the comfort she could. She desperately wanted to get him to open up about Speed's death and his lack of sleep, but she didn't want to push Horatio too far.

Valera shifted away from Horatio slightly.

"Lie down," she instructed, giving Horatio space to stretch out along the length of the couch, resting his head in her lap.

Slowly, Valera began to massage Horatio's temples hoping to alleviate the last remnants of his headache. Horatio enjoyed the tender touch of Valera's fingers against his head. She softly kneaded his temples, applying just enough pressure to be soothing. They remained in silence for a long while before Valera spoke again.

"You haven't been sleeping well."

Horatio shifted slightly, turning his head to look up at Valera. "No, I haven't," he admitted.

Valera didn't say anything more, leaving it up to Horatio to decide if he wanted to talk about it. Valera slid her fingers from Horatio's temples into his hair, running them through the silky strands and softly massaged his scalp.

Horatio broke eye contact with Valera, turning his head to look up at the ceiling.

"I've been… I've been reliving the shooting," he said slowly. "I keep seeing Tim…" Horatio trailed off, unable to complete the thought. He started again, "I've been involved in shootings like this before. I've lost colleagues and I've lost friends, but I've never… I've never had a reaction like this."

Valera thought over his words. "This was different. You didn't just lose a colleague or a friend. You lost family. Your team is like family to you. Losing Speed isn't something you are going to be able to get over quickly. But, you do have to stop punishing yourself. Neither of you did anything wrong," Valera concluded, not wanting Horatio to keep hold of his guilt any longer.

Horatio nodded but said nothing more.

He could not bring himself to tell her the latest disturbing development of his dreams. Valera had started to take the place of Speed. Now Horatio found himself powerless to stop her death. He had woken that morning shaken by the image of Valera's vacant eyes staring up at him as he held her lifeless body.

They lapsed back into silence as Horatio tried once again to shake off those disturbing images. Valera resumed the slow movement of her fingers through his hair. To her surprise, and relief, Horatio drifted off to sleep in her lap. Much as she wanted to get him into the more comfortable surroundings of her bed, Valera also didn't want to wake him up. As slowly as she could Valera picked up the remote control, switching the TV to ESPN so that she could watch the baseball highlights on mute while Horatio slept.

Valera felt Horatio's body tense a short while later. She reached out and took Horatio's hand in her own, threading their fingers together while continuing to caress his hair. Horatio stirred slightly but did not wake, relaxing against Valera once more.

It was a little under three hours later that Horatio stirred again, this time he did wake up.

He looked sleepily up at Valera and asked groggily, "What time is it?"

"A little after one thirty."

Horatio frowned slightly; surprised that he had slept so long.

Horatio lifted himself to a sitting position as Valera said, "Let's go to bed."

Horatio nodded, standing. Valera switched off the TV and they moved towards her bedroom.

* * *

Horatio awoke slowly the next morning, still curled around Valera's back. A quick glance at the clock revealed that Horatio had slept far later than he had for the previous few weeks. Valera had successfully relaxed him enough to sleep through the night.

Slowly Horatio began kissing Valera's neck, attempting to draw her out of sleep.

Valera felt Horatio's warm mouth against her neck as she drifted back to consciousness. She had awoken a couple of minutes earlier but didn't want Horatio to know that. This was a far better way to wake up than through the noise of an alarm.

Horatio pulled away. "I know you're awake," he whispered into her ear.

"Busted," Valera murmured in reply.

Valera turned in Horatio's arms, kissing him lightly.

"No run this morning?"

"No. I think, I overdid it yesterday," Horatio admitted quietly, acknowledging that he had pushed himself too far the previous morning. It had not been Horatio's intention to push himself so hard, but he had found himself so lost in his own thoughts and memories of the nightmare which had shaken him so violently that it was only when his body forced him to stop that Horatio realised how far he had travelled. Horatio had stood gasping for air for several long minutes while he gathered his thoughts and tried to mentally retrace his route.

When Horatio had finally regained his composure he had simply turned and started running back the way he had come, thus inflicting further punishment on his body.

Valera looked slightly disapprovingly at him. He kissed her forehead.

"I know, stupid idea. I promise, I will take it easy for a couple of days."

"Good."

Horatio grinned wickedly. "I do, however, have an excellent idea for this mornings work out."

Valera had a pretty good idea what Horatio had in mind.


	12. Thoughts and Feelings

_Summary: Thoughts and Feelings - Horatio contemplates where his relationship with Valera is going._

_Notes: Set between 'Murder in a Flash' and 'Hell Night', nothing relating to a specific episode though._

_**Warning (Mild spoilers for upcoming chapters within this story): **I know many of you are probably hoping at this point that Horatio and Valera will get their act together. However, I intend to follow the timeline for Season Three which unfortunately means that there is one last hurdle for them to get over. I hope you will stick with me, and them, through this. Once again thank you for your patience with the irregular updates and for sticking with this story thus far._

Horatio and Frank were situated in the back corner of a bar that could only be described as a dive. It was not clear if they liked the place in spite, or because of, that fact. It was quiet, most seats were empty throughout the night, only the regulars would appear at their appointed time.

They did not come here often, only when they were looking for somewhere to blow off steam after work over a few drinks. No one paid any attention to the guns, or the badges.

The two had started out on beer, but both now had a double shot of scotch sitting in front of them. Their conversation was slow and easy. There was no depth to their topics, their only goal to fill the silent void. The pairs friendship had gotten off to a rocky start, the two men had butted heads over the handling of a murder case not long after Frank had transferred to homicide from the gang unit. But now both men had both a personal and professional respect for each other.

Horatio's cell phone rang, interrupting their conversation.

"Sorry," Horatio apologised as he pulled his phone out from the inside of his suit jacket. Horatio checked the front display of the phone, smiling slightly as he opened it.

"Hey."

Valera's warm voice filtered through the ear piece, "Hi." Valera paused and asked, getting straight to the point, "What are you doing tonight?"

Horatio knew that she was just checking if he had in fact left the lab yet. Valera had become very protective of him since the shooting and Horatio was grateful for that fact. Horatio knew that if he had been left to his own devices he would have lost himself in work and ignored his own reaction to the shooting.

"Frank and I went out for a drink after work," Horatio answered. He ducked his eyes to avoid Frank's curious glance.

"Ok. Are you coming over when you're done?" Valera asked with a clearly flirtatious tone, she wanted to encourage him to do exactly that.

Horatio did not have to pause for thought before answering, "Absolutely." Since the shooting he and Valera had been spending a significantly greater amount of time together. Horatio savoured every moment he was able to spend with Valera. Every kiss, every touch and every word they shared was precious.

Horatio had been experiencing difficulty sleeping after Tim's death and Valera had managed to help him through it. Horatio was sleeping better now, although he wasn't back to normal yet, but he was getting there. Horatio was still unable to shake certain element of his nightmares.

"Great. I'll see you later." They exchanged quick 'good byes' and hung up.

Horatio flipped his cell shut, staring at it absently.

"Booty call?" Frank's southern drawl cut through Horatio's thoughts.

Horatio looked up, surprised. "What?"

Frank gestured towards Horatio's face with his raised glass, "That little grin of yours just screams, '_I'm gettin' laid tonight_.'"

Horatio shook his head. "It's not like that," he protested. It wasn't like that. Admittedly, they had stared out that way, both looking for nothing more than a little companionship. Things had changed since then, at least for Horatio. The morning after Tim's funeral they had been standing in Valera's bathroom when Horatio had fought off the urge to declare his love for her. At the time he had dismissed the feeling as a reaction to the shooting, nothing more. But now, Horatio no longer thought he was in love with Valera. As the weeks had passed Horatio realised that his feelings had not solely been brought about by Tim's death, that day had simply be a catalyst for their revelation.

Horatio knew he was in love with Valera.

Unfortunately, this certainty in his feelings did little to settle Horatio's thoughts.

"Riiight," Frank said slowly, clearly sceptical of this denial.

Horatio shook his head but did not voice any further objection.

"So who is she?"

"Nobody you know."

"Uh huh." Frank paused momentarily. "I figure someone from the lab."

Horatio took a sip of his drink and raised his eyebrows at Frank. "What makes you say that, Detective?"

"You told your lady friend you were out for a drink with me, like my name was one she would recognise, she's gotta be from the department or the lab. I figure the lab's more likely."

Horatio nodded but said nothing more.

Frank waited before finally prompting Horatio again, "You gonna share?"

"Nope," Horatio said with a shake of his head.

Frank shook his head and took another slug of scotch. He was going to have to accept defeat.

Horatio found himself saying, "It's complicated."

"Complicated? I thought the idea of casual sex was that it was, y'know, casual."

Horatio sighed, "Yeah. I know. But it's not like that. Things have… changed, between us."

Frank nodded in seeming understanding. "Ah. Your mystery woman has developed feelings and you don't know what to do."

Horatio ducked his head, "Not quite." After a moments silence Horatio continued, "I'm the one, who has developed feelings."

Frank took one look at Horatio's conflicted expression and gestured to the bar tender to bring over another round of drinks.

"What does your lady friend say?" Horatio glanced up at Frank but continued his silence. "You haven't talked to her."

"No."

"Why not?"

"We agreed to keep things casual, no expectations. I don't want to put any pressure on her," Horatio explained, only partially revealing the truth.

"You don't think she feels the same way?"

Horatio shrugged. "There's a different… dynamic between us, but I don't know what it means."

Horatio would be lying if he said that he hadn't sensed something significant from Valera in recent weeks, but that didn't mean that he knew what the right course of action was.

Frank said nothing in response, he watched as Horatio idly swirled the amber liquid in his glass. Horatio downed the remaining liquid and said, "I don't want to hurt her."

Horatio pushed aside his now empty glass and picked up the next shot provided by Frank.

"You think you would?"

Horatio only shrugged. This seemed to be his standard response to the majority of Frank's questions.

"That's bull shit."

Horatio looked up, surprised by the observation.

"Horatio, what's really holding you back?"

"When we first got together, there were other things going on in my life."

It didn't take Frank more than a moment to figure out what those 'other things' were.

"Yelina."

"Yeah. But, Yelina and I have actually resolved things between us somewhat, since her and Stetler…" Horatio trailed off. He still did not completely trust Rick Stetler, but Yelina seemed happy. "I guess that freed me up… emotionally… but by then our relationship was changing anyway. Things have escalated from there, especially since… the shooting."

Frank nodded, not sure he was the best person to be doling out sage relationship advice. The collapse of his own marriage wasn't exactly a ringing endorsement of Frank's relationship skills.

"You should talk to her. Lord knows, if I'd have talked to Melissa a little more she probably wouldn't have decided I was cheating on her," Frank observed ruefully.

"Talking about my feelings is not exactly a strong suit of mine. Nor are relationships for that matter, as I'm sure my ex-wife could attest to. By the end of our marriage I had shut her out because I didn't know how to… talk to her anymore." Frank had heard parts of this before, when Horatio had been counselling him through his own marriage break up. "I know I hurt her, which is why I think I would hurt Valera."

Frank looked up, surprised by the final revelation. Not sure if it was intentional, or if the name had just slipped out. Horatio gave no indication either way. "Valera?"

"Yeah."

"How long?"

"About a year."

"Wow."

Horatio couldn't suppress a light smile as he said, "Yeah."

"Ok, wow. Well first off, you seem to be doing alright talking about you feelings now." That was only half true. Horatio was talking but not in great detail. He was still holding back.

"That's probably more to do with the liquor than anything else," Horatio cut in with a raised glass.

Frank did not comment, instead he continued his original thoughts. "Second of all, relationships need two people working at them, if both sides want to make it work then you've got a better chance. When you both stop trying, well…. I don't think you would deliberately hurt Valera, or any woman for that matter. There's something else holding you back, H."

After a long silence Horatio eventually quietly confessed, "My parents didn't exactly provide the best idea of what a loving relationship should be."

Frank's glass stopped halfway to his lips. Frank had never heard Horatio make any kind of mention of his parents before, or any family member beyond his brother Raymond. Raymond, however, was a sometimes unavoidable topic.

This was the most personal thing Frank had ever heard Horatio say.

Frank hoped that Horatio would actually start to open up at this point. But no sooner had he opened the door than it was shut again. Horatio had said all he was going to say.

Horatio didn't elaborate any further. Instead he drained the remaining contents of his glass. As he rose to his feet Horatio pulled out his wallet and deposited several bills onto the table, enough to cover his share of their bar tab, calling an abrupt end to the night.

"Thanks for the drinks, Frank. I'll see you in the morning."

Frank sighed in resignation. "Have a good night, H."

Horatio nodded his head and left Frank alone at the table.

As Horatio walked out of the bar into the cooler night air he decided to walk for a while to clear his head before catching a cab the rest of the way to Valera's apartment.

His conversation with Frank had given Horatio a lot to think about.

Horatio's relationship with Valera had progressed over time. There had been some giant leaps and many small steps between them, as they had spent an increasing amount of time together. Horatio craved even more.

Despite all this, despite the deepening of his feelings, Horatio did not want to push Valera into a relationship he did not think she wanted and one he was not even sure he could commit to.

XXX

Valera opened her apartment door and found Horatio standing there as expected.

Horatio leaned in and kissed Valera softly, but made no actual move to enter the apartment.

Horatio moved so that he was leaning against the doorframe, silently regarding Valera.

Valera looked at Horatio, confused by his actions and silence. "You coming in, or are you just going to stand there all night?" She asked with a slight grin.

Horatio broke out of his reverie. "I'm coming in."

"Good."

Valera took Horatio's hand and pulled him into her apartment.

XXX

Horatio lay propped up on an elbow staring down at Valera as she slept silently next to him.

He watched her chest rise and fall with every breath she took.

Valera lay sleeping on her side, facing toward Horatio. One hand was cushioned under her cheek, the other buried under the pillow.

Horatio had woken up over half an hour ago; he had been as yet unable to fall back asleep. The darkness visible through the curtains told Horatio that it was still early, or very late, depending on your point of view. Not even he could justify getting up at this hour. Horatio was just glad that nights like these were becoming fewer and farther between.

Unfortunately, the side effect of nights like these was that it gave Horatio too much time to think, especially after his conversation with Frank earlier that evening.

Too much time to dwell on things he shouldn't.

Too much time to question the best thing in his life.

Ever since he realised the true depth of his feelings for Valera Horatio had been trying to figure out what to do next.

When they started this relationship both were aware that neither of them wanted anything serious.

Valera didn't want it.

Horatio did.

The shooting had been the catalyst for all of this.

Horatio knew that she had been worried about him. That she had felt guilty at the relief she had felt after finding out he was safe.

Horatio was well aware of the dangers associated with his job. He also knew that he had a habit of being reckless with his own safety. Valera didn't deserve to be put through having to worry about him when that wasn't what she wanted.

Valera deserved better than that.

Valera deserved someone closer to her own age.

Valera deserved someone who wasn't addicted to his job.

Valera deserved someone who wouldn't put himself in harm's way.

Valera deserved someone who wasn't so reticent about sharing his emotions, someone who was capable of talking about his thoughts and feelings without reaching breaking point first.

But Horatio couldn't let go of her yet.

He couldn't face the prospect of her not being central to his life anymore.

Horatio reached out a hand and tenderly brushed a lock of hair away from Valera's cheek, tucking it behind her ear.

Valera continued to sleep on.

Horatio settled back down flat on the bed and folded his arm under his head.

Horatio decided watching Valera was better than sleeping.

Horatio still needed more time to think. His heart and his head were pulling him in different directions and Horatio didn't know which one to follow.


	13. A Choice

_Summary: A Choice - Horatio finally makes his move._

_Notes: Set after 'Hell Night', spoilers for the episode._

"Good evening," Horatio greeted softly. As usual he was leaning against Valera's doorframe, which surprised her as she had not expected to see Horatio that night.

"Hey. Come on in," Valera opened the door, giving Horatio room to pass and kissed him lightly on the cheek as he entered the apartment.

Valera was dressed casually, as was appropriate for late on a Sunday night, in sweat pants and a vest top. She had been curled up on the couch watching old movies for an evening she had expected to spend alone. Horatio too was dressed casually in khaki pants and a loose white shirt, untucked and open at the neck. Horatio looked like he had actually caught the sun while out on the water.

"How was the trip?" Valera asked as they both settled down on the couch. "Did you manage to catch much?"

"It was great, actually." Horatio's smile was warm at the memory. Spending time with Ray Jr had been long overdue. "We did pretty well. We kept enough to eat, but the rest went back in."

The weekend had been refreshing both for himself physically and for his relationship with his nephew. The weekend had also provided Horatio with ample opportunity to think over a number of things that had been playing on his mind in recent weeks.

Horatio had arrived at Yelina's house before dawn on Saturday morning to find Ray Jr up and eager to leave. There had been no reluctance on the young boy's part to rising at such an early hour. Horatio had tried to ignore Rick's presence as much as he could; he was still not wholly convinced about Stetler's relationship with Yelina. They did not linger in the house for long, neither Caine was quite comfortable with the situation, and departed quickly. Uncle promised to return nephew safe and sound the next evening.

They had set sail from the marina less than an hour later, dropping anchor not far off the coast in a designated fishing lane and spent the rest of the day with their lines dangling side by side in the water. They spent the day discussing largely irrelevant matters, simply enjoying the opportunity to spend time together, something both had missed more than either realised. Neither of them was that intensely focused on the actual fishing, both were just happy to be spending some quality time together.

Late in the evening, after sunset and while eating their catch, the two Caines had finally discussed the matter which had drawn them out there. Horatio's withdrawal from Yelina had also meant less time spent with Ray Jr, an absence the young boy clearly felt. Ray Jr still keenly felt the loss of his father and did not want to lose the remaining contact with what little family he had left. His mother and uncle were the only connection Ray Jr had left to his father. That night Horatio had resolved to spend more time with Ray Jr while still giving Yelina the space she needed. It was a fine line, but one he needed to walk for the sake of his nephew.

After that Horatio had recounted some of his and Ray's exploits from their younger years, describing how they had spent their time while avoiding going home. Horatio had the imagination and Raymond the recklessness to carry out their schemes. They had never crossed the line into anything dangerous or illegal, Horatio was serious even at a young age and his demeanour calmed Raymond. Both were wary of the consequences of their actions. Horatio wanted Ray Jr to know that it was alright for him to branch out on his own but that he must also act in a responsible way. Testing his boundaries was fine as long as he understood the difference between right and wrong and was able to draw a line for himself. Ray Jr's actions with the paintball gun had been over that line and the young boy needed to know that he could never do anything like that again. Horatio made it clear to Ray Jr just how close he had come to facing serious criminal charges. Horatio was encouraged though that Ray Jr had tried to stop his friend Chris. A fact that had helped the boy in the end. Horatio found himself giving the fatherly advice that Raymond was no longer available to dispense.

Only after Ray Jr had retired into the cabin, tired both from the early start and a day of activity, was Horatio able to turn his thoughts to himself.

Horatio had spent several more hours that night, and into the early morning, thinking about his relationship with Valera as he watched the waves rolling gently. Once again Horatio was conflicted about what to do next.

The deepening of his own feelings for Valera had taken Horatio by surprise.

When he had met Valera that first night in the bar Horatio had never imagined that he would end up in this position. What had started as a one night stand had now escalated into something that held great significance in Horatio's life.

He had fallen in love with Valera. And now he was questioning everything. Doubts that had not occurred to him were now forming in his mind. Unwanted obstacles that prevented him from moving forward with Valera.

Even his own words were coming back to haunt Horatio. Horatio had once told Eric, "As a rule of thumb, any off duty relationship, no matter how well intentioned, can be seen as a conflict of interest in court." At the time Horatio had been referring to Eric's relationship with a robbery victim and not seen how his words could be applied to himself. While Horatio's relationship with Valera was unlikely to present any kind of problem in court, it could cause conflict in the lab. Valera had been hired before sleeping with Horatio, and he had not been directly involved in her recruitment, but the timing could appear questionable if anybody wanted to make an issue of it. Horatio could think of at least one person who would go out of his way to make their relationship look like something it was not.

Horatio couldn't do that to her. Horatio couldn't put Valera through something like that.

Horatio had also started to question the age difference between them. Horatio was over fifteen years Valera's senior.

It had never been an issue between them before now. Horatio had never considered it until recently. They had never discussed it. But that hadn't stopped the thoughts from forming.

Horatio knew that his doubts were largely irrational. But, that had not made them go away.

In truth, Horatio was afraid to reveal his feelings to Valera. He didn't want to risk having her not return them. As far as Horatio could see if Valera did not return those feelings he could lose her completely or she would feel pressured into deepening their relationship and he would only end up hurting her by pushing her into something she didn't want.

And now, Horatio had started to take steps away from Valera. His own fears were pushing him away.

Horatio had met District Attorney Rebecca Nevins while working on Ray Jr's case. Horatio had flirted with her but that was nothing new. Horatio knew he was a flirt. But it had not ended there. He had asked her out to dinner. Horatio hadn't really understood why he had done so at first. But now the more he thought about it the more he realised what he was doing.

A large part of his thinking that night out on the boat had been devoted to working out why he had done that. And what to do next.

At this point in his life Horatio wanted a relationship. Horatio had not been able to maintain a long term relationship since his divorce a decade ago. That fact had not bothered him, until now.

Horatio and Valera had agreed when they started sharing their nights that there would be no pressure or expectations. Neither of them had wanted a relationship.

Horatio didn't want to violate that agreement.

Valera's hand against his own finally pulled Horatio out of his thoughts. "You in there?" Valera asked softly as she regarded him curiously, confused by Horatio's demeanour.

"Sorry," Horatio said. He glanced up at Valera, but did not meet her eyes. "Just thinking."

"About?"

Horatio shifted uncomfortably, but did not answer.

"What's wrong?"

"I, uh, I need to talk to you," Horatio started uncertainly. He didn't want to have this conversation.

Valera didn't like the sound of that. "Ok."

"I asked a woman out to dinner," Horatio confessed, still unable to meet Valera's eyes.

Horatio's tone told her that this had not been a casual dinner invitation. Valera withdrew her hand from him. "Oh."

Horatio felt that loss of contact and immediately missed it.

They sat in silence, neither one knew what to say next.

Months ago they had agreed to always be open and honest with each other. Theirs was supposed to be a casual arrangement. In theory there was nothing standing in the way of either one of them meeting someone else. Except, of course, for their feelings.

"So, what now?" Valera asked, trying to keep her tone neutral. She didn't want to alert Horatio to the devastation she felt.

Horatio summoned his courage. "I don't think it would be right for us…" Horatio couldn't bring himself to complete that thought. "We agreed that this wasn't anything serious," Horatio tried to justify his actions. He wasn't looking at Valera but if he had been Horatio would have seen her wince slightly at his harsh observation.

"Yeah," Valera said eventually, stung by his words.

"I've enjoyed… everything," Horatio said shyly. "You've been there for me and I, uh, I don't think I would have been able to get through it all… without you." Horatio glanced at Valera again, "Thank you."

Valera smiled slightly, his words softening her earlier pain. She was confused by his actions. Horatio was ending their relationship, but he seemed hesitant to actually say the words.

Horatio leaned forward in his seat, resting his elbows on his knees. Valera ran a hand up Horatio's back, bringing it to rest on his shoulder.

"I enjoyed it too. But, if you're getting involved with this woman, then we have to end. I'm not going to be your bit on the side."

Horatio turned quickly to Valera, dislodging her hand as he did so. "I would never ask you to. I couldn't… I'm not…"

Valera replaced her hand on Horatio's back. "I know."

Horatio nodded. "I should go," he said with a sigh.

"Yeah."

Horatio stood and turned to Valera. "I hope we can at least be friends," Horatio said softly, "I don't want to lose what we have… had."

"We can." Valera hoped she actually meant that.

Horatio looked relieved. "Good. I'll see you in the morning."

Valera nodded but did not stand with Horatio. Instead Horatio turned and walked out of Valera's apartment alone, only glancing briefly at her as he did so.

Had he met Valera's eyes Horatio would have seen the pain within them.

Valera had been just as aware as Horatio that things had changed in their relationship. She had not expected Horatio to end it though.

She had not seen this coming.

Valera had been trying to give Horatio space in recent weeks. She had not pushed him to discuss their relationship, even though she thought it was a conversation they needed to have. Horatio had been having a hard time after Speed's death, but his mood had been improving. Speed's death had produced a profound effect in Valera as well. Waiting for news on Horatio and Tim had been an excruciating experience, even though it had only lasted a couple of minutes.

The relief Valera had felt at finding out that Horatio was safe had been far greater than that of a colleague or a friend. Or even someone with whom the relationship was supposed to be casual.

With all that Horatio, and Valera to a similar extent, had been going through after the shooting she had felt it best to give Horatio the space he needed while still being there for him.

Valera had thought they were actually getting closer as a result.

Valera had thought they had a chance at deepening their relationship, but apparently she had been wrong.


	14. Moving On

_Summary: Moving On - Horatio and Rebecca begin their relationship while Valera looks on._

_Notes: Set around the episodes 'Crime Wave', 'Speed Kills' and 'Hell Night', spoilers for each._

_Disclaimer: The dialogue you recognise from the episodes obviously does not belong to me (much like the characters) and remains the property of the appropriate parties._

Horatio Caine stepped out of the Miami Dade Police Department building into the early evening Florida sun. He resisted the urge to immediately slip on his sunglasses, instead he savoured the brightness. Out of the corner of his eye Horatio spotted District Attorney Rebecca Nevins sauntering towards him.

"Ma'am," Horatio said with a warm smile when she reached him.

"Sir," Rebecca replied with equal warmth. "I heard you got Riddick on the gold."

"Yes, paperwork by the end of the week." Horatio's tone contained evident satisfaction at having finally got his man, even if it had taken longer than he would have hoped.

Rebecca nodded. "I already shopped a judge. Throw away the key on this guy," Rebecca assured him. She hoped that this would make up for having made Horatio release his suspect earlier in the investigation.

Horatio smiled slightly, pleased that Rebecca had put in such an effort on this for him.

"I was worried you were gonna cancel dinner tonight," Rebecca said hesitantly.

"That, would not be possible," Horatio assured her as their eyes met. They held each others gaze for a long moment and shared an almost shy smile.

Rebecca sensed that this wasn't quite the end of the matter; Horatio was holding something back. "But?" She prompted.

"Well, I've got to push it back an hour," Horatio admitted. This was unfortunately a necessity for him, although he certainly had no intention of cancelling.

"Drinks with someone?" Rebecca asked quietly. They were both still finding their footing in this new relationship and she was slightly uncertain of where it was going, although she certainly liked where it had gone so far.

"No," Horatio assured her quickly. "There's a victim in the hospital. I have to go see he and his wife," he explained. "So, about an hour," Horatio repeated.

Rebecca nodded.

"Ok. Nine then, my place. I'll leave the door unlocked," Rebecca told him, clearly indicative of what her intentions for the night were.

Horatio smiled at the prospect of what was yet to come. "See you," Horatio said by way of a farewell.

"Yes, you will." Horatio would have had to have been deaf to miss the promising suggestiveness of Rebecca's final words.

Horatio turned and watched Rebecca disappear into the PD building. Horatio gave a slightly bemused flick of his eyebrows as he started to walk away from the building. He also couldn't help but smile broadly to himself as slipped on his sunglasses.

It had only been a couple of weeks since Horatio and Rebecca had shared their first dinner together, but their relationship had progressed quickly. Since that first night they had shared a lot more dinners. For their second date Horatio had prepared dinner, allowing them to get to know each other in more intimate surroundings.

Their third date had been breakfast.

They had followed up these dinners with other nights out. Horatio found that the experience of dating Rebecca was entirely different to his relationship with Valera.

With Rebecca Horatio found that they actually went out on dates and were open about their relationship. This had not been the case with Valera. The two relationships had started off under different circumstances and moved forward in alternate directions from there. Not once in a year long period had he and Valera actually been out on a single date, unless you counted the first night that they met. Every single day or night that they had shared together had been spent in either Horatio's house or Valera's apartment. Their time together had been intimate and personal. They had existed in their own bubble where both had tried to find a refuge from the outside world. Horatio did not regret that he and Valera had conducted their relationship in secret. It had suited their needs, and the more Horatio considered it the more he realised that it had been exactly what he needed.

His relationship with her had been a sanctuary from the world around him. Valera had offered him unconditional comfort.

And Horatio had walked away from all of it.

Horatio couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like if he and Valera had actually dated. Horatio found himself imaging the things he and Valera could have done together.

But, Horatio kept reminding himself that he had made what he thought was the right choice. He had given Valera freedom from being obliged to him. Horatio had taken comfort from Valera and offered her very little in return. He couldn't keep on using her like that.

Valera had ended up in a relationship with him that she had not been looking for.

In the end Horatio had decided that Valera would be better off without him.

Rebecca knew what she was getting into when she accepted Horatio's first dinner invitation. She knew his reputation for being intense, Valera had not. Horatio wanted to make this relationship work.

Horatio realised that he had been standing next to the Hummer for several minutes and shook himself out of his silent reverie. He sighed and pulled the keys out of his trouser pocket. After opening the drivers side door Horatio slipped out of his jacket and tossed it onto the back seat. Horatio climbed into the driver's seat and started the engine.

As he pulled out of the parking lot Horatio resolved that it was time to stop dwelling on the decision he had made and start moving forward.

XXX

Valera was sitting at her desk in the DNA lab working on the computer when she sensed a familiar presence approaching.

She didn't look up but Valera could see Horatio's reflection in the computer screen as he stood next to her, hands on his hips.

"Valera, DNA from the condo, was it Richard Laken's?" Horatio asked without preamble.

"Nope," Valera answered with a shake of her head. Valera didn't look up at Horatio; instead she brought up his results on the computer screen. "Meet Chad Gilbert. Three year sentence for burglary in '99."

"So Chad is at it again, huh," Horatio commented thoughtfully as he read the rest of the information on Valera's screen.

"Yeah, get this," Valera started excitedly, "I checked him against your list. He's another one of your speed daters," Valera explained. She glanced up at Horatio to see his reaction. Valera was doing her best to look casual while actually checking him out. Despite the fact that they were no longer together, she still wanted to know that Horatio was alright.

"Interesting," Horatio said thoughtfully as he started to put things together in his mind. "Thank you, Valera." Horatio turned and walked out of the DNA lab without looking back at Valera.

"Sure," Valera said quietly as she watched him go briefly before turning back to her computer screen.

Valera sighed deeply. This exchange was typical of their interactions since Horatio had called an end to their relationship.

It wasn't exactly awkward, but they were both very aware of how different their relationship was now.

Gone was the playful banter they had shared when alone in the lab. Now Valera could tell that Horatio tried hard to maintain a professional façade when they were alone together. There were moments when that was difficult for both of them. Valera didn't think that Horatio was deliberately avoiding her, but she did get the impression that he no longer went out of his way to handle DNA evidence personally. He was now a significantly less frequent visitor to her lab.

Their relationship was even harder to define now than it had been before.

They had never had a friendship outside of sleeping together. They had met and immediately slept together. And then kept on sleeping together.

They hadn't had a conventional break up either. There hadn't been an argument. There had been no raised voices. Horatio had simply arrived at Valera's apartment one night to call an end to their supposedly casual arrangement.

Valera couldn't work out whether or not to be angry at Horatio.

He hadn't cheated on her. He hadn't lied to her. Horatio had been honest about his actions.

And yet Valera couldn't help but feel betrayed.

They had been together for a year and Horatio ended it without warning. Valera could only hope that he had given appropriate consideration to this decision. She couldn't believe that Horatio would have done this lightly. Their relationship had grown and developed over the year. They had for all intents and purposes been committed to each other.

But something had changed for Horatio and now their relationship was over.

Valera hoped that once some time had passed they would be able to talk about what had happened and establish the friendship that both agreed they would like to share.

XXX

Rebecca saw Horatio standing in the CSI atrium and started to approach him.

"Hey you," she greeted softly attracting his attention. "Got a minute?"

Horatio smiled softly and glanced up at her but still kept his head slightly bowed. "Always," Horatio replied sincerely as he caught her eye.

Rebecca took a deep breath. This wasn't going to be easy. "I got wind of a case over in civil that you need to know about." Rebecca tilted her head, mimicking Horatio's posture in a show of concern for what his reaction would be as she said, "Doug Ramsey."

Horatio's head dropped further as he quickly realised where this was going. "I arrested him this morning."

"On a rooftop, right."

"Yes." Horatio's eyes narrowed in frustration as he wondered exactly what story was being told. "So the story is travelling."

"He's filing a law suit, Horatio, against you and the department," Rebecca explained gently before completing the allegation against him. "Assault. Excessive use of force."

Horatio dropped his head even lower, shaking it in disbelief that anyone would even entertain these allegations. "Excessive use of force?" Horatio questioned looking back up at Rebecca. She could see the look of total frustration in his eyes. "The man tried to take my head off."

"Well, his lawyer claims he has a shoulder injury and the Doctor backs it up," Rebecca told him, resigned to how implausible it seemed.

Horatio looked down again as he struggled to keep control of his anger and indignation. "I don't care what his attorney says," Horatio paused and looked up at Rebecca, "I know what happened," he finished with conviction.

"Look," Rebecca said with a shake of her head, "I believe you." She did. Rebecca could not entertain the idea that Horatio would have used excessive force against a suspect, no matter the circumstances. "I'm just suggesting you lay low for a while. See how this plays out," Rebecca punctuated her words with a shrug of her shoulders.

Horatio met her eyes with his. "I can't do that." 'Lying low' was not something he could ever be comfortable doing. Horatio stood by his actions.

"Horatio, police brutality is a serious business," Rebecca said in one final attempt to convince him to take her advice.

"So is murder."

Horatio held eye contact for a moment before breaking away.

This conversation wasn't over, but Rebecca knew that she would have to let it go for now.

Rebecca had known that this would be the case from the moment she approached Horatio. She knew he was a man of principle and nothing would stop him from doing his job. Horatio would find justice no matter what obstacles stood in his way.

XXX

Valera stared numbly at the object in front of her, not really sure where to start. She could already feel a headache developing as she considered the work she had ahead of her.

The lab door opened and Eric walked in. Valera resisted the urge to turn and glare at him.

"Started on the winch yet?" Eric asked immediately. Valera resisted the urge to throw it at him.

"Actually, I need a clarification," Valera told him, hoping that there was some way out of this. "The lab request indicates I need to swab this for epithelials."

"Uhh, you can start with the cable," Eric suggested, even though he knew this would require a large number of samples and a lot of tedious work.

Valera looked back and forth between Eric and the winch. "There's gotta be about 20ft of wine wound up in here," Valera was exasperated by the sheer thought of the task ahead.

"I'm guessing that our suspect didn't use gloves," Eric explained quickly. He wanted Valera to know that the winch could well be a critical piece of evidence. Her work could be instrumental to the case.

"You gonna get Horatio to sign my overtime slip?" Valera asked in surrender.

"Done," Eric assured her.

Valera shook her head but made no further protest. This was her job and it had to be done.

"Gotta go. I'm late for a meeting," Eric told her quickly before leaving Valera alone in the lab to start her task.

It was not until a short while later that Valera found out what Eric's meeting had been about.

News of the accusations that had been levelled against Horatio quickly spread though the lab. As did the equally unwelcome news that these accusations were being investigated by IAB Sergeant Rick Stetler. A man who made no effort to hide his dislike of Horatio. Not that Horatio made any particular effort to mask his feelings either.

Eric's meeting had been with Stetler to give his account of events up on the rooftop.

The rooftop from which the winch had been recovered.

The rooftop on which the suspect had been arrested.

The suspect for whom Valera was trying to find a DNA match on the winch.

Valera found she no longer cared about the workload, or the overtime. If she could connect the suspect to the crime scene it would seriously damage his credibility. And hopefully go someway towards proving Horatio's innocence.

Valera redoubled her efforts and did eventually find viable DNA on the winch.

Unfortunately, it was not a match to the liar Doug Ramsey.

Instead it matched Stanley Hemming aka 'Stan the Cat Burglar.

Valera rushed the results to Calleigh, hoping that they would be of help even if they hadn't been exactly what she wanted.

Valera was sure that not one of the CSI team, whether they worked in the lab or the field, would believe the allegations against their Lieutenant. She also knew that of all the team Calleigh would fight the hardest to prove Horatio's innocence. Valera felt confident handing over her results to Calleigh. She knew that they would be put to good use, both to solve the original case and help Horatio.

Valera's only wish was that she could actually see Horatio. Her instinct to make sure he was alright remained strong, despite their recent change in relationship status.

XXX

Horatio had made it back to the CSI labs after his interview/interrogation with Stetler over at the PD. He had been impressed at his own restraint in not giving Stetler a practical demonstration of what 'excessive force' looked like.

Horatio was stunned by Stetler's hypocrisy. Stetler was accusing Horatio of assaulting a suspect when Horatio knew that he had been violent towards his girlfriend. Yelina, Horatio's sister in law. Nothing about this situation made Horatio comfortable.

As he turned into the layout room Horatio found Calleigh standing there expectantly with her arms folded.

"Hey," he greeted, slightly surprised by her presence waiting there for him.

"You got a minute?" Calleigh asked softly. Her expression was serious but Horatio could see an underlying softness as well.

"Sure." Horatio was curious about what she had to say. He also knew that if Calleigh had something to say it would be said. Calleigh would not let herself be deflected by his evasive nature.

Horatio followed Calleigh, absently fiddling with the sunglasses still held in his hands, as she walked across the hall into a more secluded room where they would not be disturbed by passers by.

"What's going on?" Horatio asked. He was both curious and concerned about Calleigh's serious demeanour.

Calleigh sat back against a nearby desk and crossed her arms over her chest. "How you doing?" She asked with concern.

Horatio kept on walking for a few steps but then stopped and turned to face Calleigh. Horatio stood with one hand on his hips, pushing his suit jacket back, as he answered unevenly, "I'm, uh, I'm ok." Horatio was slightly taken aback by the question. No one else had stopped to ask him this, nor had Horatio allowed himself a moment's pause to consider the full impact these allegations were having on him.

"I've heard about everything," Calleigh said quietly, "I think Stetler is on a witch hunt." Calleigh's distaste was evident in her voice. Horatio was not the only one with strong feelings about Stetler.

"I've got the truth on my side," Horatio said trying to convince Calleigh, and himself, that he was not concerned about the allegations.

"I'm just concerned that it's gonna be the bad guy's word against yours." Horatio's head dropped. He knew that without firm evidence to disprove these allegations they could harm his reputation, even if there was nothing to prove them either. But, still, Horatio did not want to distract attention away from the more serious developing case. "You know, I was thinking you have a right to see the evidence against you." Calleigh hoped that Horatio would realise what she was suggesting.

Horatio didn't look up at Calleigh, he wasn't sure he could hold out against the pleading look he was sure to find in her eyes. "I don't want to give Stetler anymore airtime than he deserves," Horatio said firmly with only a glance up at Calleigh. After a fortifying moment he finally raised his head to look directly at Calleigh as he said firmly, "I really want to find Donna Scott."

"What if you just let me take a look at the evidence, see what I can find out," Calleigh suggested hopefully.

Horatio was grateful for the gesture, but still didn't want to take attention away from the case. "I would appreciate that, but, I really, right now, want to find this girl," Horatio told her resolutely.

Calleigh considered her options and decided she only had one play left to try and get her reluctant Lieutenant to accept help. "Technically, Stetler can have you relieved of duty. And then we are _all _in trouble."

Horatio considered this before finally giving Calleigh a reluctant nod. "Ok. Ok, take a look and tell me what you find."

This response elicited a relieved nod from Calleigh. "Ok," Calleigh said with a sigh and a smile.

"Ok," Horatio repeated. He watched as Calleigh moved from her position and turned to leave. "And thank you," he said softly, truly grateful for the determination she was displaying to clear his name.

Calleigh turned back and smiled warmly at Horatio before carrying on her way, ready to prove the falsehood of the allegations levelled against him.

Horatio turned to walk back into the corridor and was surprised to find Rebecca coming toward him.

"Did you get something?" Horatio asked quickly. Rebecca had offered to do some background research on Judge Greenhill in the hope of yielding some information relevant to the case.

"I did." Horatio could tell by the look in her eyes that whatever Rebecca had found it was significant.

Rebecca handed him a file and Horatio in turn passed her the sunglasses he had still been fiddling with, which gave him a free hand to flick through the papers.

Horatio opened the file and discovered what Rebecca had found out. "Judge Greenhill's case history."

"For the last five years he's been doing nothing but calendar, except for two high profiles: Stan the Cat Burglar, who we already knew about, and the Surfside Strangler," Rebecca explained, summing up the information contained within the file.

Horatio looked down thoughtfully as he recalled the specific case details. "Right, the Surfside Strangler, the truck driver who killed prostitutes."

"Eight of them."

"Buried them in the Everglades."

"In a peat bog, to be specific."

"To preserve their bodies."

"Yeah, creep wanted it that way," Rebecca said with evident disgust. "He liked to go to the burial site and visit his prizes." Rebecca resisted the urge to shudder at the thought of this.

Horatio considered the implications of this as he watched Rebecca toy with his sunglasses. "Ok, so what you're saying is if Greenhill dumped a body out in the bog -"

"- It'll be blamed on the Surfside Strangler," Rebecca finished Horatio's thought.

"Because the dump sites were never publicised," Horatio said, completing the picture for both of them.

"They were even suppressed in the courtroom," Rebecca added. Both knew that this would narrow the list of possible suspects even further which would in turn only serve to tighten the net around the real killer.

"And only a handful of people know the location. Starting with…" Horatio trailed off and waited for Rebecca to provide those details.

"Well besides the judge, there's the Public Defender who moved to Brazil last year, the Assistant Prosecutor who moved to South Carolina…"

"Right, and the prosecutor. Who was the Prosecutor?"

Rebecca looked at Horatio surprised that he didn't know, or hadn't figured out, the answer to that question.

"Me," she told him. "I thought you knew that."

Horatio realised just how much Rebecca was willing to do in order to help him out. She was delving into a case she had prosecuted to give him suspects.

"I didn't know that. You are really sticking your neck out here." The 'for me' at the end of that observation remained silent, but Horatio thought it anyway.

Horatio couldn't help but think of Valera as he said this. One of his rationalisations for ending his relationship with her was the possibility of a conflict of interest, or at the least the appearance of a conflict, and here was Rebecca, a District Attorney, using her position to his advantage. Horatio realised that in comparison his relationship with Valera presented far fewer questionable elements.

"I'm aware of that," Rebecca said, and she was well aware. But that didn't mean she wasn't willing to help out. Rebecca had heard rumours of improper conduct among the judiciary, but had always dismissed them. Now it appeared they may have been more than rumours. "Judge Greenhill's dangerous, and very connected," Rebecca warned.

"But if he is involved that shouldn't matter, right?"

"I'm just saying, be careful," Rebecca warned him softly. Horatio did not need a pissed off judge blocking his cases, or worse, especially when considering Doug Ramsey's allegations.

Neither said a word as they regarded each other silently.

It was Horatio who finally spoke. "You too," he told her with soft sincerity. If Judge Greenhill was as well connected as Rebecca claimed and he found out about her helping him, there could be serious ramifications for her too.

They shared another long lingering look as Rebecca handed back Horatio's sunglasses and turned away, leaving him to follow up on the leads she had provided.

XXX

Valera came around the corner and immediately spotted Horatio. He was standing in the middle of the corridor signing paperwork for another tech.

"Horatio," Valera called out to attract his attention.

"Yeah," Horatio answered without looking up from what he was signing.

Valera took the opportunity to size Horatio up as she approached. He looked tired. Valera couldn't help but wonder if he was still having trouble sleeping.

Certainly the stress of today seemed to be weighing heavily on him. Hopefully her news would help to improve his mood.

"You won't believe this," Valera started excitedly, "I got the results from the bile in the hair."

Horatio took the folder from Valera. "Did you get a match?"

"Yes, but not to Judge Greenhill," Valera knew that this may have seemed like disappointing news but she expected Horatio to perk up once he finished reading the results sheet.

"We have come, full circle," Horatio said with a slight grateful smile towards Valera before he moved off again.

Valera watched him go. She knew now that Calleigh was actively working on the evidence against Horatio. She was glad that Calleigh had been able to convince Horatio to let someone help him. Valera knew that couldn't have been an easy conversation, Horatio would certainly have been reluctant to have attention focused on him rather than the case. To Horatio the accusations against him would have been a completely secondary concern.

Valera had only found out about this development because she had bumped into Calleigh immediately after she had spoken to Horatio. Unfortunately, this had also meant that when Valera rounded the corner after speaking to Calleigh she saw Horatio standing with DA Rebecca Nevins. His new girlfriend.

Lab gossip had been abuzz when the first signs of their relationship were spotted. Valera couldn't help but be slightly smug that none of the regular gossips had figured out what had been going on between her and Horatio.

She also couldn't help but be more than slightly jealous.

Although Horatio was still not prone to public displays of affection an instance of hand holding the previous week had generated quite the burst of excitement in the lab. It also generated another significant burst of jealousy.

When Valera had spotted Horatio and Rebecca together in the corridor earlier she had been unable to stop herself from feeling another pang of emotion. Especially when she had noticed that Rebecca was holding Horatio's sunglasses. On the surface it seemed like such a simple gesture, but Valera knew there was greater depth to this action.

Horatio's eyes were always his most expressive feature; his feelings were always readable in them. No matter how controlled he may have seemed, Horatio's eyes never failed to give him away. It was not always possible to work out what he was thinking, but you could tell when something was playing on his mind. In a lot of ways Horatio's sunglasses were his guard against this. Using them he could keep himself protected. He could keep himself closed off.

Seeing Rebecca holding them was perhaps a more intimate moment than a kiss.

Valera had not lingered long in the corridor after that. She hadn't wanted to see anything more. Nor had she wanted Horatio to know she was there.

Without realising it Valera had arrived back at her desk in the DNA lab. Her feet had carried Valera there while her mind had wandered elsewhere. Now she needed to refocus on her work

XXX

Valera finished gathering up her things and was ready to call it a day.

Today had turned out to be a long and difficult one. Valera had spent the day knowing that Horatio was in trouble, but that there was nothing she could do to help. This time she had been on the outside looking in.

Valera would have to go home not knowing whether or not Calleigh had cleared Horatio's name.

Calleigh.

Calleigh who had just walked around the corner grinning to herself. _Please let this mean good news,_ Valera thought to herself.

"Hey," Calleigh greeted cheerfully.

"Hey. You're looking pleased with yourself," Valera observed hopefully.

"Doug Ramsey, having been proved to be a liar, has withdrawn his accusations. The suit against H has been dropped," Calleigh's grin transformed into a broad smile as she said this.

Valera felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. "Thank god," she said quietly. Louder and with obvious distaste Valera said, "I bet Stetler was overjoyed."

"He was beside himself," Calleigh said coolly, eliciting a grin from Valera. Calleigh paused as an idea occurred to her. "You want to go get a drink? I feel like celebrating. Plus, looking out for Horatio is a hell of job. But, someone's gotta do it because lord knows he won't do it himself," Calleigh observed ruefully.

Valera was well aware of what it was like to worry about Horatio, and how stubborn he could be. She also knew that Horatio would have internalised everything that had happened today. Valera was surprised to find that she actually hoped Rebecca would be there for him tonight. Horatio would need an outlet.

Valera did not answer Calleigh right away, which she took to mean reluctance.

"Come on, you know you want to," Calleigh pleaded with a grin. More quietly she added, "You've seemed a bit quiet the last couple of weeks, a night out would be good for you."

Valera smiled at Calleigh's concern. "I'd love to. Thanks, Cal."

"Excellent. I'm gonna go see who's still around. See if we can make this an impromptu 'Girls Night'. I'll meet you out front in twenty minutes?"

"Sounds great," Valera agreed before Calleigh hurried off.

This probably was exactly what Valera needed. A night out to lift her spirits and take her mind off Horatio.

It was time to move on.

XXX

Horatio was sitting in Rebecca's living room as she wandered around it lighting candles while they talked.

"No, it's always the same," Horatio lied. He was finally telling Rebecca about the nightmares he was still having. It was difficult to share a bed with someone and not have them notice that you rarely actually slept. "I'm in the jewellery store, it's slow motion," Horatio could recount the dream with perfect clarity. He had experienced it enough times that he could picture it in his minds eye. "I withdraw my weapon, I brandish it. I squeeze the trigger and… nothing," Horatio paused. "Nothing happens, it jams." Horatio's dreams came in two varieties: one where Speed died and one where Valera died. Both died because of his inability to protect them. Horatio couldn't tell Rebecca about Valera so he maintained the fiction that he only dreamed about Speed's death.

"Yours didn't. Speedle's did," Rebecca said rationally as she came up behind Horatio. He turned and watched as Rebecca placed a large candle next to him. "Horatio, there's nothing you could have done."

Horatio glanced at her and then leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Horatio stared thoughtfully at his joined hands, still imaging blood on them.

"I wish it felt that way," he confessed quietly.

Guilt still weighed heavily on Horatio's conscience. Talking about his dreams with Valera had helped immensely. After talking with her about his dreams they had dramatically reduced in frequency. Since ending their relationship though they had returned with a vengeance and Horatio had found his sleep pattern deteriorating once again. He hoped that talking with Rebecca would help. Horatio knew that none of this would be repeated at the Post Traumatic Incident Interview that Stetler had insisted upon.

Horatio opened out his hands staring at the palms. Rebecca continued to approach, finally settling down onto the table in front of him. Rebecca took Horatio's hands in her own and tenderly turned them over, offering a gentle caress.

Horatio watched their hands for a moment before looking up at Rebecca.

"Ma'am."

"Sir."

They shared a tender smile. Horatio pulled on Rebecca's hands drawing her into his lap. Horatio initiated a sensuous kiss, pulling Rebecca closer to his body and surrendered himself to her increasingly familiar embrace.


	15. A Mistake

_Summary: A Mistake - Horatio realises that he has made a terrible mistake and needs to make it right._

_Notes: Set during and after the episode 'Cop Killer', spoilers for the episode._

_Once again apologies for the long gap between updates, it really wasn't my intention to make you wait this long. I've been trying to get the next few chapters written so the updates will be a bit more regular. The good news is that the next four are now typed up on the computer and just need editing into a final draft. These four chapters will be the last of 'The Long and Winding Road'. I'm starting a fairly intensive training course at work in a couple of weeks and will have even more limited time for writing this fic, so I'll be drawing this to a close. I do intend to use the chapter outlines I already have planned out for a sequel. Thanks for sticking with me this long and I really hope you enjoy what is yet to come._

_Disclaimer: The dialogue you recognise from the episode obviously does not belong to me (much like the characters) and remains the property of the appropriate parties._

Horatio Caine hated cases that involved the death of a Police Officer.

No matter what the outcome of their investigation, the fact remained that they had lost one of their own. A chilling reminder of just how fragile their own lives were.

Horatio had more direct, personal, reasons to hate them too. He had lost two brothers in the line of duty. Both had been gunned down.

Now Horatio felt the eyes of the whole department on him as he and his team investigated the death of Officer Insko, in much the same way as he had after the murders of Officer Cofield and Speed. The pressure had been on them to find the killer and then nail them to the wall. Justice had to be swift and decisive for everyone's peace of mind.

Horatio and his team had done exactly what they needed to and now they had two suspects in custody: one for murder and one as an accessory to murder.

Justice would be served.

Horatio stepped out of the elevator and immediately spotted DA Rebecca Nevins standing at the reception desk.

He smiled expectantly to himself, hopeful that she would have good news on the prosecution front.

"Ma'am," Horatio greeted as he approached Rebecca.

"Sir," Rebecca replied, turning toward him. "Heard we got the girl for Officer Insko's murder."

Horatio's team had uncovered sufficient evidence to prove that the gun had been fired from the passenger seat; they could prove the girl was in that seat. They had enough to charge her with murder.

"Yeah, we did," Horatio answered. "How did you do with boyfriend?" He asked, expectant that Rebecca had secured a deal involving a lengthy prison sentence. He knew there was still a good chance that they would have to go to trial against the boyfriend but Horatio was certain of the case against him.

"JoJo? Great," Rebecca assured him with a smile. "He agreed to testify, we made him a deal. He made bail."

Horatio couldn't believe what he was hearing. He quickly dropped his head in an attempt to control his emotions. When Horatio looked up, there was fire in his eyes.

"You made him a -" Horatio's anger stopped him from completing that sentence. "Rebecca, he's an accessory to murder." He wanted to scream, "_He's a Cop Killer!_"

"Which is why he'll be a convincing witness at the girl's trial," Rebecca said, her tone indicated a total disbelief that Horatio wasn't pleased by this outcome.

Horatio didn't understand why Rebecca thought she had made a good deal. Surely she knew what the entire police force would think of her, and the deal. Surely she wasn't that naïve.

Horatio shifted his feet, still trying to reign in his anger. He looked down, unable to look at Rebecca.

"Ok, we provided you with the evidence." They had. There was evidence linking both Missy and JoJo to the murder of Officer Insko and a string of other crimes. Rebecca didn't need to make this deal.

Rebecca attempted to defend herself. "Still, the case against Missy is circumstantial; the jury might not buy -"

"Why don't we let them decide, don't you think," Horatio interrupted angrily. There was no way a jury would acquit under these circumstances. The physical evidence showed the trajectory of the kill shot originating from the passenger side of the car. Missy's side of the car. She was guilty.

Rebecca's disbelief matched Horatio's but for very different reasons.

"I think we need Mr Johnson's testimony," Rebecca said evenly in an attempt to keep her tone professional.

"Ok." Horatio lifted his eyes to meet Rebecca's. "You just made a deal with a cop killer," Horatio said angrily, spelling out his view of the situation for her.

Rebecca sighed and crossed her arms over her body defensively. "I don't like to lose."

Horatio couldn't believe it. This wasn't about winning or losing. This was about a dead cop. Justice was needed for him and his family.

"I understand that. But, if -" Horatio cut himself off before he said something he would regret. "Rebecca, if you do this it's going to ruin your career." Horatio knew there was going to be a lot of people who would find this decision difficult, if not impossible, to forgive.

"Careers are long," Rebecca said defiantly.

Horatio considered saying something more but thought better of it.

The pair were still glaring at each other as Yelina walked up to them. She could feel the tension radiating between them.

"Horatio?" She said uncertainly.

"Yeah," Horatio answered turning away from Rebecca.

"Got a call out," Yelina explained quickly, "shooting in Miami Shore." Yelina showed him her notebook. "You might recognise the address."

Horatio glanced at it. Recognition, and a sinking feeling, was immediate. "As a matter of fact, I do." Horatio looked up at Rebecca and suggested coolly, "You might want to rethink that deal."

Rebecca had seen the address too and she didn't think this was going to end well either. She watched as Horatio walked away without another word.

Yelina wasn't sure exactly what had gone on between Horatio and Rebecca but it didn't look good for them.

Rebecca glanced at Yelina. She no longer felt as smug as she had earlier in the day. Rebecca was aware of the history shared between Horatio and Yelina and in a lot of ways she resented it. She continued to get the impression from Horatio that he wasn't fully invested in their relationship yet. It wasn't something he was doing deliberately but there was definitely something holding him back. Yelina was the only cause that Rebecca could think of.

Rebecca thought it was best to stay out of Horatio's way for a while. They both needed some time to cool down.

XXX

Horatio stood outside the PD building and watched as Patrick Bruckner was led out to the waiting patrol car.

The young man had started his day dreaming of a career in law enforcement, he had ended it facing the prospect of spending the rest of his life in prison.

This entire situation had been completely avoidable. If JoJo had been in a police cell where he belonged Patrick would not have felt compelled to carry out his own twisted version of justice. While his actions clearly showed that he lacked the temperament, and stability, to be a police officer, with a little help he could have made it through the emotional aftermath he faced after his ordeal today.

Rebecca followed behind Patrick and his accompanying officers.

Horatio couldn't bear to look at her.

She had been the one who made a deal with a cop killer. She had been the one to arrange JoJo's release. She had created the situation that had led to JoJo's death. Horatio couldn't blame her for Patrick's actions, no one forced the gun into his hand, but Rebecca had certainly provided him with the opportunity.

Horatio had learned more about Rebecca during this one day than he had in the weeks they had been dating. He didn't like what he had learned.

Rebecca had made several bad decisions but most significantly she had let a cop killer go. JoJo may not have pulled the trigger but he had been just as guilty as Missy. Rebecca had failed to understand that. She'd made him a deal.

When they had spoken earlier about this deal Rebecca had given no indication that she understood why this had gotten under his skin so much. Horatio had lost his younger brother, Raymond, on the job. It had taken Horatio years to finally nail his killer. He couldn't even entertain the idea that some DA would have made Bob Keaton a deal.

Horatio also knew that terse words had been exchanged between Yelina and Rebecca earlier in the day. He didn't know what had been said but Calleigh had warned him that he may have needed to put out a fire there. Yelina had been slightly over zealous in her questioning of Missy without a parent present but Horatio could understand that. There was a time pressure for finding the hostage, Patrick Bruckner, plus the murder of an officer would have been getting under her skin just as much as Horatio's. She had lost her husband to Bob Keaton's bullets.

Horatio couldn't help but think of Valera as he continued to watch Rebecca approach. Valera would most certainly have understood what he was thinking during this case. She too had lost a colleague, and more importantly a friend, in the line of duty. Valera wasn't an officer but she had shared their drive to convict Speed's killer.

It suddenly became clear to Horatio what a terrible mistake he had made.

"We're gonna try Patrick Bruckner as an adult. With your evidence it looks like a sure thing," Rebecca said once she was standing next to him. Horatio knew she was trying to offer some kind of conciliation prize to him, but it was nowhere near good enough.

"Glad I could help," Horatio said quietly. He wasn't glad.

They didn't look at each other. Instead both watched as Patrick was bundled into the waiting patrol car.

"It's frightening some of the people who want to work in law enforcement," Rebecca observed.

"Well, not everyone's cut out to be a police officer," Horatio agreed. Patrick had shown that he was not cut out for the job, but Horatio didn't think that he was an inherently bad person. Driven by the trauma of his kidnapping ordeal he had lost control and made a terrible decision. Rebecca had made a terrible decision too.

"No kidding."

"Well it only takes a second to make a bad decision, doesn't it," Horatio said with a pointed look at Rebecca.

Horatio noted that Rebecca did at least look chagrined. "Yeah," she agreed with quiet defeat.

They remained silent for a moment.

Rebecca took a deep breath. "So," she started, looking back up at Horatio, "dinner tonight, my place?"

Horatio knew that wasn't going to happen.

"I'm not going to be able to do that." Horatio lifted his eyes to meet Rebecca's but kept his expression unreadable.

Rebecca thought she knew what Horatio meant and said, "Let me guess, you're visiting Insko's widow."

Horatio nodded slowly. That much was true, but it wasn't what he had meant. "Yeah. I'm gonna go see her and the kids."

"Ok. Dessert then. I'll leave the door un -"

Horatio interrupted quickly, he didn't want to drag this out any further. "That's not gonna happen either," Horatio said.

Slowly he lifted his head to look up at Rebecca. Her eyes met his and Rebecca understood what Horatio meant. Horatio watched Rebecca's expression change as she realised what was happening.

"What's going on?" Rebecca asked. She wanted clarification from Horatio.

He said nothing. Instead Horatio shifted his eyes away from hers.

"Is this about what I said to Yelina?" Rebecca asked with a hint of defiance in her voice.

Horatio didn't know exactly what Rebecca had said to Yelina, but now he was even more curious to find out what had gone on between the two women.

"Um, no," Horatio said slowly.

"Oh," Rebecca said with a nod. "So it's about the deal I made."

Horatio looked up at her but again said nothing.

"I stand by my decision," Rebecca told him defiantly.

"And I stand by mine," Horatio replied quietly. There was no way back from this for them. Their relationship was over.

Rebecca regarded Horatio for a long moment and then finally nodded in defeat. She turned and walked away from Horatio without another word.

Horatio knew that this had been a cold way to end their relationship, but he also knew that there was no way he could let it continue.

Horatio could not accept the way that Rebecca had conducted this case.

But more importantly than that Horatio had realised that this relationship was doomed from the start.

His heart still belonged to Valera.

Horatio had thought that he could simply move on. He had decided that it would be better for Valera if they split up. He had thought that was a good idea. He knew now that he had been wrong.

Horatio had been unable to fully commit to Rebecca because he still felt tied to Valera. No matter how hard he had tried, there was always something holding him back.

Horatio knew that he belonged with Valera.

He didn't care if their relationship never progressed any further than where it had been before. He wanted Valera. Anything of her would be enough.

Horatio only hoped that it wasn't too late.

He needed to talk to Valera. Horatio had a lot of explaining to do.

First things first though, Horatio needed to go and see Officer Insko's family. Once he had done that Horatio intended to go to Valera's apartment and try to make things right.

XXX

Valera was stretched out along the length of her couch. She was enjoying a quiet night in, simply listening to music and re-reading a favourite book.

There was a quick knock at the door, drawing Valera out of her relaxing cocoon.

Valera slid off the couch and deposited her book on the coffee table. She made her way to the front door.

When Valera opened the door she was greeted by a very familiar sight, one she had not seen in several long weeks.

Horatio was leaning up against her door fame, one hand resting on his hip. His head was bowed but his eyes were looking up at Valera.

The look in his eyes was _very_ familiar too. Valera knew that look; she had seen it countless times before.

Before she could even form a rational thought Valera found herself pushed back against the wall inside her apartment, Horatio's body pressed against hers as they both automatically kicked out to close the door.

They half dragged half carried each other towards the couch. Horatio fell back into it and Valera landed on his lap, straddling his hips.

Somewhere along the way Valera had removed Horatio's jacket. Valera pulled Horatio's shirt from his pants, pushing it upwards as she clawed at his chest and sides, eager for as much direct contact as she could manage.

They kissed feverishly.

Horatio ran his hands down Valera's back until they reached her ass and pulled her closer to him, increasing the friction between their bodies.

One hand slid easily between Valera's legs while the other shifted to unbutton her shirt, finally coming to rest on her breast.

Valera moaned into Horatio's mouth as they continued to kiss deeply.

The small voice in the back of her mind tried to remind Valera that she and Horatio were no longer together. They no longer did this. They needed to stop.

Valera tried to ignore that voice, but she couldn't do it. Her conscience won out. Valera broke away from Horatio's mouth. Horatio wasn't deterred; instead he refocused his efforts on her neck.

Valera moaned again and lost her focus as she was caught in the sensation of Horatio's lips against her skin. It was several long moments before she regained it.

"Mmm, Horatio," Valera succumbed even further to the feel of Horatio's lips and tongue against her throat. Eventually Valera's senses came back to her. "Horatio, wait." Valera shifted in Horatio's lap which did nothing to lessen his passion. "What about Rebecca?"

Horatio broke his lips away from Valera's neck just long enough to mumble, "We broke up," before resuming his kisses.

Valera moaned once more at the feel of Horatio's mouth against her skin and the feel of his hand as it slipped further between her legs. But then she pulled away breaking their contact, in order to try and refocus Horatio's attention.

"When?"

"When, what?" Horatio asked distractedly, trying to draw Valera back to him.

"When did you break up?" Valera clarified as Horatio's lips once again pressed against her neck.

Horatio didn't respond until Valera pulled away from him again and demanded, "When, Horatio?"

"This afternoon," Horatio admitted quickly before once again trying to pull Valera towards him. He was unsuccessful.

"What?!" Valera demanded, not letting Horatio pull her in.

Perhaps if blood hadn't been flowing away from his brain quite so quickly, Horatio might have seen it coming before he felt the sting of Valera's hand against his cheek.

Horatio was immediately pulled out of his lust filled fog. He tried to keep hold of Valera as she struggled to get off his lap but she pushed his hands out of the way. Valera pushed away from Horatio and regained her footing on solid ground.

"Valera, wait," Horatio pleaded desperately as he too struggled to his feet. Horatio reached out to take Valera's arm.

Valera glared angrily at Horatio and then turned her back on him. She didn't let him gain a hold of her arm.

"Maxine, please," Horatio said with quiet desperation.

Valera turned on her heels to face Horatio. He was shocked to see that she was blinking away tears in her eyes.

"Get out," she said firmly.

"Wait," Horatio pleaded, holding out a hand to Valera. She took a step away from him. Horatio dropped his hand. "Please, let me explain."

Valera angrily shook her head. "Get out."

Horatio opened his mouth to speak again but Valera stopped him with a word. "Now."

Horatio didn't know what to do next. Valera made that decision for him. She quickly strode past him and bent down to pick up his discarded suit jacket.

She threw it at his chest. "Get out."

Horatio caught it with one hand. His quick reflexes hadn't completely failed him.

Valera continued towards her apartment door. She yanked it open in one quick motion and wordlessly held it open for Horatio.

Slowly Horatio walked towards her and the open doorway. Valera didn't look at him as he walked over the threshold.

Horatio turned to Valera hoping that he could make one last attempt to explain himself. "Valera, I -"

Horatio was cut off by the 'slam' of Valera's apartment door. Valera angrily locked the door behind him.

Only then did Valera allow the tears she had refused to shed in front of Horatio to fall.

XXX

Horatio was a sorry sight as he trudged slowly back to his car. His hair was completely askew, the result of Valera running her fingers through it. His shirt was untucked and open to halfway down his chest, not all the buttons were still attached. His jacket was screwed up in his left hand. His cheek was red where Valera's hand had struck it.

Horatio unlocked the driver's side door and opened it. He quickly tossed his jacket onto the passenger seat and climbed in.

Horatio didn't start the engine immediately.

Instead he tried to gather his thoughts and work out what had just happened.

Horatio had not expected anything that had just occurred. He had not thought it was possible for things to go so horribly wrong.

Horatio hadn't arrived at Valera's apartment with the intention of immediately rekindling their relationship. He had wanted to explain his recent actions in the hope that Valera would understand and they could move forward together. He had just wanted to talk.

But when Valera had opened the door to him pure desire had taken over. Horatio didn't know which of them had actually initiated the kiss. It seemed as though they had moved together instinctively. All he did know for certain was that when their lips met he could think of nothing but kissing her.

By the time Valera had asked him about Rebecca, Horatio was incapable of thinking straight and tried to deflect her attention away from the issue. He knew now that had been a huge mistake.

In the end Valera had thrown him out, totally outraged by his actions.

Horatio wanted to go back up to Valera's apartment and try to explain himself again, but he didn't think Valera would be very receptive to it right now. He had never seen her that angry. Horatio could understand why she was so angry, it was all his fault.

Horatio could only sit and wonder whether he had irrevocably destroyed his relationship with Valera.

XXX

Valera leaned back against the wall just inside her apartment staring absently at the door as tears streamed silently down her cheeks.

She could not believe Horatio had just done that to her. Horatio had shown up at her door mere hours after breaking up with the woman he had effectively dumped her for and expected to pick up where they had left off.

Their first kiss in her doorway had been intense. They came back together without hesitation as if no time had passed at all.

She wasn't sure which one of them had made the first move to initiate the kiss. All she did know was that the look in Horatio's eyes had triggered a wave of desire within her. Valera had seen that same desire in Horatio's eyes. They had both acted on it. They should have known better. She should have known better.

She knew that Horatio was in a relationship. She knew they shouldn't have been kissing. She knew they shouldn't have got as far as the couch. She should have been stronger.

They had made a terrible mistake and Valera didn't know if there was a way back for them.


	16. A Time to Talk

_Summary: A Time to Talk - Horatio tries again to make things right with Valera._

_Notes: Set after the episode 'Identity', spoilers for the episode._

-----_Italics_----- _denotes a flashback._

It was with complete satisfaction that Horatio Caine watched as Clavo Cruz was driven away in the prison bus. Horatio had really pushed his investigative boundaries on this case, much as he had done when pursuing Clavo's brother, Ramon. His dogged determination had now torn apart the Cruz family, but Horatio felt surprisingly little guilt. They had protected two murderers and now they were paying the price. Clavo Cruz had destroyed the family through his own actions. Horatio's only sadness was that Speed had not been with them to see Clavo finally put behind bars. The Michelle Cormier case had gotten to Speed seventeen months ago, he would have enjoyed this.

Horatio didn't go straight back into the building after the prison bus had pulled away. Instead he remained standing out on the steps enjoying the early evening sun. He seemed to be spending a lot of time out on these steps lately, just thinking. He certainly had a lot to think about at the moment.

His relationship with Valera had taken an extreme downward turn, which was impressive considering the fact that they had already broken up at the time.

Ever since she had thrown him out of her apartment Horatio had been avoiding Valera. He knew this wasn't helping their situation but whenever their paths did cross the awkwardness was overwhelming. Horatio didn't know how to act and he certainly didn't know what to say. Eric had handled all the DNA evidence to do with Clavo. Ordinarily, Horatio would have handled it all personally, especially as he was pursuing a theory that at the time he had very little actual support for. But, he had decided that for the time being he was better off giving Valera as much space as she needed. At least that was what he told himself to mask his cowardice. Horatio doubted he was a welcome visitor in the DNA lab.

Horatio smiled grimly to himself as he realised that this now felt like a real break-up. Before their confrontation in her apartment things had been slightly awkward as neither knew quite how to act around each other, but it had at least been civil between them.

There was far less civility between them now.

-----

_Horatio spotted Valera walking along the corridor towards him. Her head was bowed as she walked, she hadn't spotted him._

_Horatio considered whether or not he should just turn back before she did see him or whether he should keep going._

_After what had happened the night before Horatio desperately wanted to talk to her, to try and explain. He didn't really think here and now was appropriate but he couldn't let this go on. The more time that passed the harder it would become. Horatio needed to talk to Valera now._

"_Valera," Horatio said softly when they were only a few steps away from each other._

_Valera stopped suddenly and looked up at him sharply, startled by the sound of his voice. Horatio didn't like the look in her eyes._

"_Can we talk?" Horatio asked quietly. He kept his voice low and tried to look as though this was a case related conversation. He didn't want any curious passers by listening in. Horatio was thankful that at least they weren't in one of the main corridors._

_Valera looked at Horatio with an expression he couldn't read._

"_Is this work related?" Valera asked in reply._

"_No," Horatio admitted quietly._

"_Then we have nothing to talk about, Lieutenant," Valera told him coldly. She quickly sidestepped him and carried on her way down the corridor._

_-----_

Horatio hadn't attempted to talk to Valera about anything that didn't pertain to a case since that day. He had also been keeping their case related interactions to a minimum as well.

The lab was certainly not the place to try and discuss their personal relationship. Unfortunately, Horatio had yet to summon up the courage to actually go to Valera's apartment and talk to her there. Nor did he know what he would say to her when he eventually did.

But he needed to do something.

Horatio had to make things right with Valera.

Horatio knew that he had been an idiot, and he wasn't the only one who thought that.

-----

_Horatio and Frank were sat in the back corner of their usual bar. Horatio was nursing his only beer, he was their designated driver for the night. On top of that he didn't much feel like drinking at the moment, it would be far too tempting to drown his sorrows._

_Frank was staring at Horatio in disbelief._

"_So instead of telling Valera you were in love with her, you ended your relationship and then shacked up with another woman. Then you dumped her at the first sign of trouble and tried to slink straight back to Valera," Frank summed up everything Horatio had just told him and tried to figure out a way to help with the situation._

_Horatio said nothing in reply but his silence damned him anyway._

"_Man are you stu-pid," Frank said in a tone he usually reserved for the most idiotic of criminals. "For someone who didn't want to hurt her, you sure as hell managed it."_

"_I never meant for it to turn out like this," Horatio said quietly. "The night she kicked me out, I went there to explain. I didn't go there to pick up where we left off. Things just got out of hand."_

"_You were thinking with the wrong piece of anatomy," Frank guessed with a wry grin._

_Horatio nodded and said sadly, "Yeah."_

_Frank sighed. "Look, H, sooner or later you're gonna have to suck it up and talk to her. You owe her that."_

_-----_

That time had come.

Horatio needed to have the conversation with Valera that he had intended to have two weeks ago.

It was now abundantly clear to Horatio that he had hurt Valera long before that night. He had tried to ignore the signs of this but he could no longer do that.

He had seen the pain in her eyes when he had told her about Rebecca. Ending their relationship had hurt Valera and his actions after breaking up with Rebecca had only served to amplify that pain.

Horatio never should have allowed himself to lose control at Valera's apartment. Then there had been a chance to rebuild their relationship, now he really wasn't sure.

XXX

Horatio stood nervously outside Valera's apartment door. He hesitated for a moment but finally raised his arm to knock softly. Horatio didn't have to wait long before the door opened to reveal Valera.

Neither of them said a word at first as they simply stared uneasily at each other.

"May I come in?" Horatio asked quietly. He didn't look directly up at her; instead he kept his head bowed nervously.

Valera hesitated. "I'm not sure that's such a good idea," she told him honestly.

"Please, Valera. We can't keep going like this. I just want to talk," Horatio assured her, finally looking up.

Their eyes met and Valera could see Horatio's sincerity. She nodded and stepped back to allow him entry.

"Thank you."

Horatio walked slowly into the living room as Valera trailed behind him. Horatio stopped abruptly, not sure whether he should sit down or remain standing. He wasn't used to feeling this uncomfortable here. Valera came around from behind him.

"Would you like a drink?" Valera asked, not sure what they should be doing now either.

"No, thank you," Horatio said not moving from his position.

"You can sit down, you know," Valera told him with a vague hint of amusement in her voice. She had never seen him this awkward, especially not in her apartment.

"Thanks," Horatio said with a slight but grateful smile as he settled down into one corner of Valera's couch. Valera moved to occupy the other corner. They kept as much distance between themselves as possible, but sat facing each other.

Valera looked expectantly at Horatio. This was his show and she wasn't going to help him out.

Horatio took a deep breath and lifted his eyes to meet Valera's. "I'm sorry," he told her sincerely. Valera looked deeply into his eyes and there was no doubt that he meant those words, but they were not a quick fix to their problem.

"I never meant to hurt you," Horatio started, "but I know that's exactly what I ended up doing. I never should have ended our relationship the way I did, and my behaviour afterwards was… inexcusable." Horatio paused and took another deep breath. "The other night, I never intended for things to get as out of hand as they did," Horatio explained as embarrassment coloured his cheeks.

"What did you want?" Valera asked. Horatio was relieved to note that her voice contained more curiosity than it did anger.

"I just wanted to talk, to try and explain myself. I never meant to make it seem like…"

"Like you were looking for any warm body and I would do? Like you assumed I would welcome you back into my bed without question?" Valera asked, with a clear note of challenge in her voice.

Horatio dropped his head in embarrassment and said, "It wasn't like that."

"What was it then?"

"I hadn't intended for things to get physical between us. I came to talk, but when I saw you, I just lost control," Horatio admitted.

That answer, and the honesty it held, seemed to satisfy Valera and Horatio watched as her body language relaxed very slightly.

"You weren't the only one who lost control, Horatio."

Horatio looked up quickly at Valera, confusion evident on his features.

"I was a willing participant," Valera explained with a slight smile that disappeared quickly. "At least up until the point where I started to think about what we were doing, I was. I realised that there were several good reasons why we shouldn't have been doing what we were doing. Not least among them the fact that as far as I knew you and were Rebecca were still together. I had already told you I wasn't going to be the 'other woman.'" Horatio nodded his understanding and looked like there was something he wanted to say, but Valera kept talking. "When I realised that you had only just broken up with her and come straight to me, I felt like a… convenience. It cheapened our relationship, Horatio, and that's why I was so angry."

Horatio nodded sadly and was about to speak when Valera said, "I don't blame you entirely for what happened. As far as I knew, you were in a relationship when we kissed. I should have stopped you long before I did."

Horatio nodded once more and finally found his voice. "I truly am sorry that I hurt you. It was never my intention to take advantage of you." Instinctively Valera reached out and gave Horatio's hand a quick, reassuring squeeze. She removed it when she felt a familiar spark. "I understand why you felt that, Valera, I really do. But, I promise you I only came here to talk. I needed to explain myself." Horatio paused and, without looking up at Valera, added quietly, "I wanted to try and make things right."

"Well, that's good," Valera started, not sure what to make of Horatio's last statement, "because I need an explanation. I need to know why you ended our relationship the way you did. You owe me that." Valera wasn't going to forgive Horatio easily but she was willing to give him a chance.

"Yes, I do," Horatio agreed immediately. He paused and tried to decide how to start. Ultimately, Horatio decided that if he was to have any hope he needed to be completely honest with Valera, no matter what it might cost him emotionally.

Horatio took a deep breath and steeled himself. "I was… scared to tell you how I felt, and for a while I wasn't even sure of what I felt." Horatio paused and considered his words carefully. "After Speed died, I realised how strong my feelings for you were and didn't know what to do. We had agreed that neither of us wanted anything beyond a casual relat-"

Horatio was surprised to be interrupted by the sound of a mirthless laugh coming from Valera. "Horatio, nothing about our relationship, beyond that first night, was casual. We were fools to think otherwise."

Horatio nodded his agreement. "It took me a long time to figure that out. Too long," he admitted. It was not until after he had become involved with Rebecca that Horatio truly realised what he had lost. "I know you were trying to give me space after Speed died, and I did need that, but I should have talked to you more. I should have let you in." Horatio paused and quietly added, "I should have been there for you too."

Horatio was ashamed to admit that he had not offered Valera as much support as he should have done after the shooting. He had been too engulfed by his own pain and guilt to consider what she had been going through. He felt like he had been using her.

"I've never been very good at talking about my feelings." Even this was a struggle for Horatio. "I tend to internalise things."

Valera wordlessly raised her eyebrows at Horatio.

He smiled slightly. "I'm stating the obvious, huh."

Horatio took a moment to mentally regroup before he spoke again.

"I started to… over think things, I guess. I came up with all kinds of reasons why we shouldn't be together and I started to believe them. By the time Rebecca came along, I thought it would be best for both of us to have a clean break." Horatio didn't shift his eyes away from Valera as he told her with quiet firmness, "I was wrong. Breaking up with you was wrong. Getting involved with Rebecca was a mistake."

Valera nodded wordlessly, not sure what she should, or could, say to all of this.

"I never should have pushed you away." Horatio slowly reached his hand out to Valera, much as she had done to him, and gently took her hand in his own. Valera didn't resist this movement; instead she slipped her fingers between his and joined them tightly.

"No, you shouldn't," Valera agreed.

Horatio gently slid his thumb over Valera's knuckle in silent apology.

After a long silence it was Horatio who finally spoke first. "What now?"

"I don't know," Valera said softly, not looking up from their joined hands.

"I miss you," Horatio said quietly with clear emotion in his voice. He meant so much more than that but he couldn't voice those feelings now. He wouldn't put that pressure on Valera.

"I miss you too," Valera told him. There was deeper meaning to those words too. "But I don't know if that's enough," Valera admitted sadly. "I don't think I can just go back to the way things were. I can't pretend none of this happened."

Horatio gave her hand a gentle reassuring squeeze. "I know," he agreed gently. "We can't just pick up where we left off, but I would like to try and start over." At Valera's uncertain look Horatio tried to clarify. "A fresh start, as friends. No pressure for anything else. I can't lose you."

Valera nodded her understanding and relief. "I can't promise that we'll get back to where we were."

"I know. I don't expect you to. I just… I need you in my life," Horatio said hesitantly.

Valera smiled softly at that. "Ok." She thought for a moment. "Horatio, if we're to have any chance, you need to be honest with me. You can't shut me out. I've held back so many times from trying to get you to talk about whatever was bothering you because I wasn't sure if it was my place to push you. But, that can't continue. You have to let me in."

"I promise to try," Horatio said honestly. "I've spent so long holding back that I'll need time. But I know I have to try, and I want to. You've already managed to get me to open up more than I have in a long time."

Valera nodded. "That's good enough for me."

Horatio sighed and his whole body relaxed in relief.

"Good. So there's no need for you to be a stranger in my lab anymore," Valera said pointedly. They couldn't avoid each other just because it might still be a little awkward for a while.

Horatio smiled warmly. "I won't be," he promised. "I like stopping by to flirt with you."

"You, Lieutenant, just like flirting," Valera replied with an automatic ease. She had missed it too.

They shared one final smile before Horatio decided it was best to call it a night.

"I should head home," Horatio said, trying to hide his reluctance.

"Ok."

Neither of them wanted to push things tonight.

Horatio hesitated for a moment before he released Valera's hand and rose to his feet. Valera rose too as Horatio said, "I'll see you tomorrow."

Valera nodded with a silent smile.

Wordlessly they walked to Valera's apartment door. Neither of them was quite sure what to do when they got there.

Horatio settled for saying, "Good night," as he opened the door to let himself out.

They both hoped that clearing the air tonight would allow them to move on. Neither knew exactly what lay ahead for them but now they had an inkling of hope for the future.


	17. Drowning

_Summary: Drowning - Horatio has a difficult night._

_Notes: Set after the episode 'Nothing to Lose', spoilers for the episode._

Valera couldn't help but think that there was some unknown force drawing her to this bar. She had met him for the first time right here in this room; they had been drawn to each other when they spoke at the counter. The second night that they spent together had started in this bar too.

And now there was Horatio sitting at the counter once more.

She had been watching him surreptitiously for the last twenty minutes. In that time she had managed to conclude that he was not out for a quick drink.

He had been downing a succession of shots and showed no signs of slowing down.

Valera had to make a decision. Her friends were intending to move on to a club for the rest of the night. Valera, however, didn't want to leave. She was too concerned about Horatio.

Valera didn't know what had caused Horatio to drown his sorrows like this, but she figured it had to be serious. Something had clearly been troubling Horatio over the last week or so. There was no big change in his demeanour but the signs of strain were starting to show. Valera hadn't really felt as though it was her place to pry. At this point in time they were still rebuilding, slowly. Their relationship was still very much in a state of flux and neither was quite sure of their footing.

She made up her mind.

Valera told her friends that she was tired after a long week at work and was going to call it a night.

Valera waited until they were gone and then started to approach Horatio. As she did so Valera watched Horatio down another shot of what she assumed to be scotch. This wasn't a good sign for his current state of mind.

Valera slipped unnoticed onto the stool next to Horatio.

Horatio gestured to the bartender for a refill.

Valera spoke for the first time. "He's done," Valera said as she reached out to turn Horatio's still empty glass upside down.

Horatio turned slowly to Valera. His eyes were surprisingly focused but Valera could tell he wasn't at his best.

Horatio turned back to the bartender and said, "I'm done." Horatio reached into his jacket and retrieved enough cash to cover his bill.

"Car keys?" Valera asked with an outstretched hand.

Horatio shook his head. "Cab."

"Good." Valera slid off her stool. "Come on, time to go home."

Horatio nodded and started to stand. Valera quickly moved over to him and wrapped a steadying arm around his waist. Horatio draped an arm over her shoulders.

They walked slowly towards the exit and out onto the street. Horatio wasn't that unsteady on his feet but Valera could tell that the simple act of walking was taking far more effort that it should have done. He didn't stumble but he wasn't exactly graceful either.

Valera had never seen Horatio as wiped out as he was now.

On the sidewalk they were greeted by the very welcome sight of an abundance of cabs passing by. Within minutes Valera had bundled Horatio into the car and provided the driver with his address. Valera slid into the cab next to Horatio. She watched him throughout their journey. Horatio sat slouched in the back seat, his head dropped back against the seat as he stared up at the roof.

He didn't look out the window and he didn't look at her. Neither spoke.

The cab came to a stop outside of Horatio's house. Horatio climbed out of the cab under his own power, while Valera did the same on the opposite side. When Valera came around to Horatio's side she found him leaning against the car as he paid the driver.

Valera quickly noticed that Horatio's eyes were a little more unfocused than they had been back at the bar. She moved next to him and once again wrapped his arm around her waist in support.

"Come on," Valera said as Horatio draped his arm over her shoulder again, "time to put you to bed."

Horatio nodded silently and followed Valera's lead as they made their way to his front door. Horatio only fumbled slightly as he located his keys and used them to open the door.

Valera didn't bother trying to put Horatio down in the living room, instead she simply directed him towards his bedroom.

As they approached the bed Horatio immediately moved to break away from Valera and sit down.

"Hang on," Valera said quickly as she tightened her grip on his waist. She reached out and pulled back the bedcovers. Valera hoped that this would make the operation of manoeuvring Horatio into bed easier. Only then did she help Horatio to sit down on the edge of the bed.

Once she was free of holding Horatio up Valera took a moment to step back and really study him.

His eyes really were definitely more unfocused than they had been back at the bar and he seemed to be struggling to keep them open. But Valera wasn't sure if this was all down to the alcohol he had consumed. Horatio looked exhausted, a look that had been getting more severe in recent days. It was clear that there was something deeply troubling Horatio. There had been a lot going on lately. Not least the kidnap of Alexx by an escaped convict. Horatio had every reason to look tired.

Oblivious to Valera's scrutiny, Horatio had removed his jacket. Wordlessly Valera took it from him and hung it up.

When she turned back around Horatio was trying to kick off his shoes. Valera dropped to her knees in front of Horatio and pulled off his shoes and socks. He looked down gratefully at her.

Valera reached for Horatio's belt and continued to help him undress. She undid the belt and unzipped his fly before trying to pull his pants down. It was a struggle to get Horatio to lift his hips enough to pull his pants past his ass and thighs.

"You know, Horatio, you used to be a lot more fun to undress," Valera commented lightly. She didn't look up to see Horatio's slightly bemused smile as he opened his shirt buttons.

By the time Valera had removed Horatio's pants he had struggled out of his shirt. She took it from him and tossed it in the laundry.

"I'll be right back," Valera assured him as she left Horatio sitting on the edge of the bed wearing just his boxer shorts.

Valera returned, carrying a glass of water, to find Horatio sitting exactly where she had left him. She deposited the glass on his bedside unit.

"C'mon Horatio, lie down," Valera instructed.

Horatio did as he was told. Valera pulled the covers up over Horatio and said, "Good night."

"Wait," Horatio said desperately as he reached out and grabbed her wrist. "Stay, please."

Valera was startled by the pleading tone of Horatio's voice; he clearly needed her right now. But Valera wasn't sure if this was a good idea considering the current state of their relationship. She wasn't sure if they could cope with being in such close proximity to each other.

"I don't wanna be alone tonight," Horatio added quietly, still looking up at her.

That simple statement made up Valera's mind. She couldn't leave Horatio alone, not now. They would deal with any awkwardness in the morning.

Valera nodded her agreement to Horatio who immediately looked relieved.

She walked over to Horatio's closet in search of something to wear in bed. Valera selected one of his more comfortable dress shirts. She slipped out of her clothes and into his shirt.

Valera turned back towards the bed and smiled slightly when she realised that Horatio had been doing an admirable job of not watching her undress.

Once she had folded her clothes neatly Valera walked back over to the bed and climbed in on 'her' side. She slid over to Horatio and wrapped her body around his.

Her actions were automatic.

Valera pressed her body against Horatio's back and curled one arm around his chest, laying her hand over his heart. Her other hand moved so that she could run her fingers gently through his hair.

"Sleep," Valera commanded quietly into Horatio's ear. She felt Horatio's nod of agreement.

It did not take long for the alcohol and exhaustion to finally overwhelm Horatio and his breath evened out in sleep.

Valera didn't drift off quite so quickly.

Instead she lay awake considering whether or not she was doing the right thing.

In the end Valera decided she was. Her feelings for Horatio ran far too deep for her to just have walked away from him tonight. That would have done neither of them any good.

What Valera did resolve was that she would make a concerted effort to get Horatio to open up to her in the morning. If they were to have any hope of building a friendship or even rebuilding their relationship Horatio would have to open up to her.

XXX

Valera woke slowly the next morning. She took her time reacclimatising to the previously familiar surroundings of Horatio's bed and his arms.

There was something unfamiliar about her surroundings too.

Horatio's breathing was deeper, and louder, than she was used to. His breath still held traces of the alcohol he had consumed.

This served to remind Valera of the state in which she had found him the previous night. Another reminder of just how different this was.

Despite all of this though, it felt right.

In felt right to be back in Horatio's bed.

It felt right to be back in his arms.

But that didn't make any of this less complicated.

Valera knew that she shouldn't really be here. They were supposed to be rebuilding their relationship by building a friendship. They were rebuilding what they had lost. They were supposed to be taking it slowly. Being in Horatio's bed was probably a step too far, too soon.

But Valera didn't think that this felt wrong.

She couldn't have walked away from him last night. Not when he so clearly needed her.

Yes, it was complicated but it was still the right thing to do.

Valera continued to watch Horatio and noticed that he looked tense even in sleep. Something was still troubling him now.

She checked the clock and realised that Horatio was sleeping very late by his standards, no doubt helped by alcohol. Valera decided to let Horatio continue sleeping. She was working on the assumption that Horatio would not have drunk so heavily if he was on duty, or even on call, the following morning and felt confident enough in this belief to leave him be.

Slowly, Valera disentangled herself from Horatio and slipped out of bed. She was fairly certain that she would be able to find fresh underwear somewhere in the room. Neither of them had done a particularly thorough job of clearing their stuff from each others places. They had taken the big things but quite a bit had been left behind.

Valera only had to check a few drawers before she found what she was looking for. She smiled slightly to herself and decided that Rebecca must not have spent much time rummaging in Horatio's drawers. Valera was momentarily amused by the thought of Horatio being interrogated about his collection of women's underwear.

Next Valera helped herself to Horatio's shower. She re-emerged, now fully dressed, nearly half an hour later. Horatio was still snoring, although now more softly, to himself.

Valera's next goal was to brew a pot of coffee, something she was sure that Horatio would need when he did finally wake up.

Valera had settled down at the kitchen table with the newspaper and a mug of coffee when she heard the first signs of movement from Horatio. She folded up the paper and filled a fresh mug of coffee for him.

Horatio was sitting up slightly in bed when Valera walked back into the bedroom. He was vigorously rubbing his eyes.

"You're probably gonna want this," Valera said as she placed the mug next to the glass of water.

Horatio moved his hand away from his bloodshot eyes to look up at Valera. He didn't look particularly surprised to see her.

"Thanks," Horatio said groggily. He sat up a little bit further and Valera took a seat at the end of the bed, next to Horatio's feet. Gingerly he took a sip of the coffee Valera had brought him.

"How's your head?"

"Pounding," was Horatio's quick response.

She nodded in understanding. "Go take a shower, it might make you feel a bit more human," Valera suggested. "I'll fix us both something for breakfast."

Horatio nodded his agreement and Valera made her way back to the kitchen. Valera set about making a breakfast that she felt Horatio would be able to cope with in his fragile state.

When Horatio emerged from the bathroom, now dressed casually in jeans and a polo shirt, nearly half an hour later he found Valera sat out on the deck with breakfast set up on the table. He sat down next to a glass of orange juice and two Tylenol, which he quickly swallowed. Valera had made a stack of pancakes for them to share.

Valera took one look at Horatio as he squinted in the bright morning sunlight and said, "Hang on a minute," as she walked back into the house.

She reappeared holding his sunglasses which were quickly passed to him. "These might help."

"Thanks."

Horatio hesitated for a moment before he finally reached out and helped himself to some pancakes from the stack. Valera followed suit. They ate in silence as Valera watched Horatio intently. She left him in peace until he started to look a bit better. Horatio's frown lessened as his headache dissipated.

"Yelina called while you were in the shower," Valera told him quietly. "She was wondering if you could take Ray Jr to the hospital tonight." Valera nearly laughed as a look of confusion and panic passed over Horatio's face. "Don't worry I didn't actually talk to her," Valera assured him quickly. "There's a message on the machine."

Horatio looked relieved but said nothing. Valera's presence in his home at this time was something neither of them was ready to explain to anyone yet.

"Are you gonna tell me what's going on?" Valera asked softly.

Horatio nodded and removed his sunglasses; he couldn't shield himself for this. After everything Valera had done for him last night and this morning Horatio knew he owed her an explanation. He owed her a lot more than that. Horatio wanted Valera back in his life and he knew that to have any chance of this he had to show her that he could open himself up to her. It had been a failure to open up about his feelings that had led to the end of their relationship. He had to prove that he was committed to their fresh start.

Horatio took a deep breath and decided where to start. "Madison has Acute Myologenus Leukaemia."

A look of pained sympathy immediately passed over Valera's face and she said, "Oh my God, Horatio." Valera had never met Madison but she knew how much Horatio adored his niece, and his nephew. She knew this must have been killing Horatio. "How is she?" Valera didn't think Madison could have been sick for very long, or at least he hadn't known about it for very long, as Horatio had only seemed troubled over the last week.

"She's doing better," Horatio said with obvious relief. "She had a bone marrow transplant at the start of the week, it's looking good." Horatio allowed himself a slight smile as he said this. His face turned grave again as he said, "It didn't look so good for a while. Susie wasn't a match and neither was I."

Horatio paused and Valera was about to ask how they had found a match so quickly but he continued without prompting. "Ray Jr was a match."

Valera was confused. "Ray Jr, but…" Understanding dawned. "Oh. You told Yelina the truth." That explained why Ray Jr needed to visit the hospital.

Horatio nodded, "Yeah."

"How'd she take it?"

"Not great at first," Horatio admitted with a wry smile. "She was mad at Ray, and me for keeping the real truth from her for so long." Horatio paused guiltily, he had never relished lying to Yelina but it felt easier to let her believe the truth she preferred. "But, Yelina's not a bad person. She couldn't punish Madison for her father's sins. Ray Jr got tested and he was a match."

Valera smiled with Horatio at his obvious joy over this outcome.

"The Doctors seem hopeful that she's over the worst of it now," Horatio concluded.

"So why last night?" Valera asked seriously, leaning forward in her seat.

Horatio looked away, embarrassment coloured his cheeks slightly. "I, uh, I didn't mean to drink that much," Horatio confessed. He took a deep breath and continued, "I've barely been home since I found out. I've been at the hospital with Madison and Susie. Last night I called Susie and told her I had to work late and so wasn't going to be able to make it over there. But, what I really wanted, was a break," Horatio admitted guiltily, he wasn't looking at Valera now. "I'm all they've got and I just," Horatio's voice faltered, "I just needed a break."

Valera reached out and placed a comforting hand over Horatio's on the table. "Even you have your limits, Horatio."

Horatio looked up and met Valera's eyes with his own. He nodded sadly and dropped his head again. "The longer I sat there, the guiltier I felt, the more I drank. Then you found me," Horatio said as he looked up at Valera. She was surprised by the mix of emotions in his eyes. Valera gave his hand a comforting squeeze.

"I was going to sell my land down in The Keys," Horatio said suddenly.

Valera wasn't sure how this related to what they were talking about. Seeing this confusion, Horatio clarified, "To pay for Madison's medical bills. I didn't want the claim on Ray's pension."

"Oh." Valera knew that Horatio had primarily bought that land for investment purposes, but she also knew that he had vague plans to use it in the future. He had never told her what those plans were but they existed none the less. Suddenly Valera remembered someone saying a realtor had called for Horatio. Now that made sense too. "You didn't want Yelina to find out," Valera said in understanding.

"Yeah, but I ended up having to tell her anyway. She told Susie to put the claim in." Horatio paused and took a strengthening breath. "She told me I didn't... I didn't have to keep paying for Ray's mistakes."

Valera certainly agreed with that sentiment. She gave Horatio's hand another squeeze so that he would look back up at her. "You don't."

"I'd do anything for them," Horatio said quietly. Valera had no doubt that was true. Yelina and Ray Jr and Susie and Madison were all the family Horatio had left. He would always be there for them, which explained why he felt so guilty about needing a break last night.

They sat in silence for a long time after that. Valera left Horatio alone with his thoughts as he stared out at the horizon. She kept her gaze on him. Horatio looked as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Valera had no doubt that Horatio hadn't confided in anybody, up until now, about what was going on.

Valera found herself thinking about the current boundaries of her relationship with Horatio. They were still in a state of flux. Most of the awkwardness was gone now when they encountered each other in the lab, but they still hadn't repaired all the damage to their relationship. They could talk and flirt more freely now but both were still mindful of the distance between them. Last night had certainly been a test of their boundaries. Valera knew now that, no matter what, she wanted to be there for Horatio.

Unfortunately she knew that neither of them was quite ready yet to start moving forward again.

Horatio had let her in, even though it had been a difficult thing for him to do. He was making an effort for her.

Valera looked down at their still joined hands and realised that it was tantalisingly close though.

"I should go," Valera said quietly. The longer she stayed the harder it would be to leave.

Horatio nodded and turned back to her.

"Thank you. I, uh, thank you," Horatio said again.

Valera smiled warmly at him. "You're welcome."

Valera stood and walked around to Horatio and laid her hand on his shoulder.

"I know last night was an imposition, but-"

Valera cut Horatio off with a firm squeeze of his shoulder. "No, it wasn't," she said firmly. "It was what friends are for."

Both had a matching look of sadness in their eyes at those words but they weren't looking at each other to see it. Friendship wasn't truly the relationship that either of them wanted, but it was where they had to start.

"I'm gonna go call a cab," Valera said as she walked back into the house and left Horatio alone with his thoughts on the deck.


	18. Discovery

_Summary: Discovery - Horatio and Valera have a bad day._

_Notes: Set during and after the episode 'Killer Date'._

-----_Italics-----_ _denotes a flashback._

_Disclaimer: The dialogue you recognise from the episode obviously does not belong to me (much like the characters) and remains the property of the appropriate parties._

Valera sat nervously at the desk in one of the lab's meeting rooms. It wasn't a room routinely used for interrogations, but she certainly felt like that was what it was being used for now. Valera was studying her fingers with greater interest than required. Her main aim was to avoid looking at either of the two men also in the room.

"You put the DNA profile of a rape victim into a criminal database?!" said Don Haffman the Assistant State Attorney. He was clearly both shocked and angry.

Valera forced herself to look up at the man sitting opposite her as she admitted, "Six months ago. I don't know how it happened," Valera said quietly as her voice shook. She was deeply upset with herself. She really didn't remember how this had happened. Only her own quick check had told Valera when the sample had been entered into the database.

"Don, it was a mistake," came a firm voice from next to Valera. She couldn't look up at Horatio. Valera didn't want to see the disappointment she was sure would be evident in his eyes.

"A complete violation of a victim's privacy," Don said angrily, seemingly ignoring Horatio's words. "If you use this," he pointed at the file containing the DNA match Valera had unintentionally generated, "we're all looking at lawsuits."

Horatio was just as exasperated as Don, although they obviously had very different primary concerns. "The girl in question could be my killer."

"She is a rape victim who cooperated," Don said with another angry glare at Valera. "She cannot be penalised for that in any way."

Valera looked pained.

Horatio shifted on his feet. "Ok. Then we'll find another way," Horatio said with a resolute stare at Don.

"Good. Because until you do, Gabrielle Marinelli is untouchable," Don pronounced with finality.

He gave one final stare at Valera and then left.

Valera knew she had screwed up. She only hoped that Horatio would still be able to retrieve the case.

Valera shook her head, disappointed at herself. "I'm sorry," Valera said obviously trying to keep hold of her now fragile emotions.

Horatio looked sideways at her. "No worries. We go forward," he told her reasonably.

Valera wasn't sure if Horatio was mad at her or not, but he certainly had good reason to be. Her own frazzled mental state was making it hard for Valera to read Horatio.

Horatio pulled out his cell phone and looked ready to make a call. Valera didn't know if he was going to have anything else to say to her but she couldn't stay in that room any longer. Valera made her decision and quickly fled as Horatio started his phone call.

"Yeah, Calleigh. Listen, we need to re-approach the club case and table all the information we got from Valera." Horatio paused to listen to Calleigh. "Right, bring everyone from the club back in here, please." Horatio hung up.

He turned back around and stared in the direction that he had heard Valera flee but she had already disappeared up the corridor and out of sight.

Horatio sighed deeply to himself. He was torn as to whether or not he should go after Valera.

One part of him desperately wanted to do just that. He wanted to offer her the comfort she had extended to him on so many occasions. He owed her that.

Their relationship seemed to be on much surer footing now, ever since Valera had pulled him out of the bar and they had shared an entirely platonic night together.

A large part of their comfort with each other had been restored that night.

But sadly another part of him knew that now was a time to keep their personal and professional relationships separate, no matter how much it was going to pain him to do so.

For the first time Horatio knew that his personal relationship with Valera could be seen as a conflict. Before this it had been an irrational fear. Now it was an unfortunate reality at exactly the wrong time. Horatio found himself hoping that he would be left out of the judgment of Valera's actions, if only so that he could be there for her.

Horatio decided that the best way he could help Valera now was to make sure that the case was solved, even without the DNA evidence. He hoped that would lessen the impact of her mistake and save her job.

Horatio trusted Calleigh and Ryan to make this case. On reflection he also decided that it would be best if he was as hands off as possible so that there could be no question of a conflict of interest. He couldn't interfere on her behalf based on his personal feelings.

There was also another matter, just as personal, demanding Horatio's attention. Something about which he desperately wanted information.

Bob Keaton, the man who had murdered Horatio's younger brother Raymond, was walking the street as a free man.

Horatio would have to try and divide his attention between Bob Keaton and Valera.

XXX

Valera was quickly stuffing her possessions into a box 'helpfully' provided by the department. She was clearing her desk while resolutely trying to ignore the curious stares of her colleagues as they passed by.

She heard the door open and looked up to see Ryan Wolfe standing there. This whole catastrophe had started with him. _No, it didn't_, Valera told herself firmly. She was the one who had made the mistake in the first place. Ryan just happened to be standing there when it came back to bite her on the ass.

"Valera, what's going on?" Ryan asked, clearly concerned.

"I'm getting kicked out of my lab. Relieved of duty," Valera wasn't successful at keeping the bitterness out of her voice. She hadn't yet been given the details of her suspension, or even told if it was permanent. Apparently this information would follow shortly.

"What?!"

Valera closed the lid on her box. "You'll have to get someone else to do your DNA."

Ryan easily sensed that Valera was pissed and guessed it was at him. "I'm sorry I saw the vic's name."

Valera sighed quietly and said, "It's ok."

Ryan sighed more deeply than Valera. "I looked." He had looked, even after Valera had pleaded with him not to. He felt guilty.

Valera shook her head and smiled slightly. "It's like that Greek thing in the Bible where the guy looks and turns into stone. Only I did." Valera knew that she wasn't making sense, as evidenced by the confused look on Ryan's face, but she didn't care. She was too stressed and mixed up to know what she was talking about.

"Greek and Bible? It's a pillar of salt," Ryan said in an attempt to decipher what Valera had said.

Valera didn't care. "Salt, stone. Either way I'm gone." _Either way I'm screwed_, Valera thought as she picked up her box and walked out of the lab.

She walked quickly ignoring everyone around her. Unfortunately, she couldn't help but see Paula out of the corner of her eye. Paula, who was wheeling a tall stack of evidence boxes toward the DNA lab.

Valera didn't think that looked good for her career prospects.

Valera couldn't help but feel disappointed that Horatio hadn't been to see her since their meeting with Don Haffman. Rationally she knew that he couldn't have intervened in any way, but still she felt like an encouraging word from him to her would have helped.

They had seemed closer since Horatio had opened up to her about what was going on with his family. They weren't purposefully spending more time together or anything like that but most of the tension between them was gone. They were more comfortable around each other now.

Or maybe he really was mad at her.

Valera decided that she would visit Horatio later that evening. They were supposed to be being open and honest with each other. They were supposed to be trying to rebuild their relationship. If they really were getting closer again then Valera had to talk to him.

Now wasn't a time that they could hide from each other.

XXX

Horatio was sitting in the middle of his couch, he had drawn the coffee table as close as was comfortable and was using it as a desk. His laptop was perched in one corner while the rest of the table top was covered in papers and files. Horatio had taken copies of as many files relating to Bob Keaton and his brother Raymond as he thought he could get away with. He had also dug out the research he had personally compiled about the two that had never made it into an official investigation.

He was trying to focus on the materials in front of him, but this was proving difficult. Horatio's mind kept wandering back to the conversation he had had with Bob Keaton a few short hours ago.

-----

_Horatio silently approached Bob Keaton and watched as he started the motorcycle's engine._

"_We meet again, Bob," Horatio said when he was ready to attract the other man's attention. Horatio stopped a few paces away from the motorcycle and removed his sunglasses._

"_Wasn't sure you recognised me today."_

"_I never forget a face," Horatio replied with surprising calm as he continued to stare down Bob. He would never forget the face of the man who had murdered his brother. "Now, Bob, you're a convicted cop killer. What are you doing out on the street?" For one fleeting moment Horatio thought of Rebecca but quickly pushed her out of his mind._

_Horatio watched as Bob's mouth twitched slightly and he shifted in his seat._

"_My paperwork says I'm out on parole," Bob replied defiantly._

_Horatio looked coldly at him. "Are you working undercover, Bob?" Horatio asked, finally giving voice to the theory he had been unable to dismiss since first seeing Bob that afternoon. It could be the only reason he had been released so early._

_Bob said nothing which was answer enough for Horatio. He gave a slight twitch of a smile and asked, "DEA?"_

_Finally Bob gave a nod and a hint of a smirk. "Just like your brother, Raymond."_

_Horatio shifted on his feet in an attempt to realign his world view. His eyes were hard and cold as he stared at Bob. "So you didn't shoot Raymond."_

"_I shot him. We had to make it look good." Horatio shifted again as the reality of what he was hearing started to sink in. "It was a drug deal."_

_Horatio stared him down and asked, "Is Raymond still alive, Bob?"_

_Bob looked away. "Yeah."_

_Horatio's mouth twitched in what even he wasn't sure was a smile or a grimace._

_Bob looked around nervously, only now was he starting to look uncomfortable. "Look man, I'm deep undercover…"_

_Horatio was no longer looking at Bob. "I didn't see you," Horatio turned to Bob, "and you didn't see me, ok?"_

_Wordlessly Bob fired up the motorcycle engine and drove away leaving Horatio to stand there, shocked by what he had heard._

-----

Horatio had stood there for a long time after watching Bob drive away. Then he had started to walk. It had taken fifteen minutes for Horatio to realise that he was walking blindly in the opposite direction of his car, which he should have passed long before. Horatio had stopped and started walking back the way he had come, still lost in his own thoughts.

His mind had been occupied, much as it was now, with a single thought.

_Raymond is alive._

Horatio had so many questions all stemming from this one piece of information.

_Raymond is alive._

Horatio was pulled from his thoughts by a knock at the door. He considered ignoring it but all the lights were on. He was clearly home.

Quickly he closed his laptop and all the open files, he piled up the papers. Horatio didn't want his visitor to know what he was investigating.

Horatio opened the door and as surprised to find -

"Valera, hey. Come in," Horatio said as he stood back to let her pass. Horatio noted that Valera still looked shaken and upset by what had happened earlier in the day.

Horatio was ashamed to admit that he had barely thought of Valera since he had spoken with Bob Keaton. His mind had been elsewhere which only served to make Horatio feel guilty.

Valera surveyed Horatio as they walked into his living room. He was barefoot and his shirt was untucked and opened by a couple of extra buttons down his chest. In short he looked like he usually did when winding down after work. However, he looked anything but relaxed. This suspicion seemed to be supported by the pile of work that appeared to have been hastily tidied up.

"You want a drink?"

"Thanks."

"Beer?" Horatio figured that after the day they had both had, they needed one.

Valera seemed to agree with him as she nodded.

Horatio returned with two open bottles of beer. He passed one bottle to Valera and joined her on the couch.

Valera took a long gulp of beer.

"I got suspended," Valera said quietly.

"I know," Horatio acknowledged sadly. He had been informed of this decision before leaving to track down Bob Keaton. He hadn't been happy about it.

"Do you know how long for?" Valera asked tentatively, unsure of whether she really wanted to know that answer right now. "No one's told me anything more than that I've been relieved of duty."

"They've started a full review of all the cases you've worked on in the last six months," Horatio sighed, he had been against this idea. He felt it would do nothing but undermine Valera and the lab. But he had got his wish and been left out of the decision making. Now though he wasn't sure if that was such a good idea. He wanted to defend Valera; he wanted to fight for her. Horatio would have fought for any member of his team in a similar situation. He had a personal relationship with all of them. While his relationship with Valera was more complex Horatio had finally come to the conclusion that it presented no more of a conflict than his close relationship with the rest of the team. He had let her down by not fighting harder for her today. He wouldn't let that continue. "I doubt you'll be reinstated until after…"

Valera groaned. "Oh, God. Horatio, I really am so sorry."

"Valera, it's ok. Mistakes happen," Horatio consoled distractedly. His mind was still racing and he couldn't seem to focus on anything for very long except a single thought: _Raymond is alive_.

Horatio tried to focus on what Valera was saying. "I know this is gonna embarrass the lab. This is gonna reflect badly on everyone. I've worked on so many cases…" Valera trailed off and Horatio realised that she was struggling in her attempts to not cry. "It was such a stupid mistake…"

"Valera, it's alright," Horatio once again reassured her as he placed a comforting hand on her knee. "We can get through this."

Valera looked at Horatio and finally realised that something really wasn't right with him. He looked tense and distracted. She realised that he must really be mad at her, despite his words to the contrary.

Valera released a harsh breath as her earlier anger returned. "Look, I'd better go," Valera said as she stood quickly, dislodging Horatio's hand from her knee. She left her half empty bottle of beer on the coffee table.

Horatio had seen the flash of emotion in Valera's eyes. He quickly realised that she was misreading his distraction for anger at her. Horatio stood only a moment after Valera, who was now making her way to the front door.

"Valera, wait," Horatio pleaded desperately as he reached out and grabbed her wrist, "please."

Valera stopped and allowed Horatio to turn her body back around to face him.

"I'm not mad at you," Horatio declared. Valera didn't look convinced. "Maxine, I promise you, I am not, mad at you."

Valera relaxed slightly and Horatio released her wrist. "Yes, you made a stupid mistake." Horatio softened his seemingly harsh words with a gentle smile. "But, the rest of your work will check out. I am certain of that. The lab will be fine." Horatio took a slight step closer to Valera. "This last year hasn't been easy for any of us," Horatio told Valera softly as he reverently brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "We've all been through a lot," Horatio paused and smiled slightly to himself. "Plus, you've had to put up with me being an ass." These words had the desired effect and Valera actually laughed. "You made one mistake, which is understandable and absolutely forgivable."

Valera smiled at Horatio but he could tell her composure was failing.

"Hey, come here." Horatio pulled Valera, willingly, into a tight hug. Valera automatically slipped her arms around his waist as he enveloped her upper body.

Horatio held Valera close for a long time as he simply enjoyed the sensation of having her body so close to his. The last time they had been this close it had been in his bed but he had been too drunk to truly appreciate the feeling.

Valera held onto Horatio, simply drawing strength and comfort from his strong body, as she attempted to regain her composure.

Eventually, Valera loosened her hold on Horatio who took this as a sign for him to do the same.

Horatio took a slight step back away from Valera but stayed close. Valera hesitated for a moment before she finally dropped her hands from Horatio's hips saying, "Thank you," as she did so.

"No worries."

A curious look flickered over her features as she glanced quickly towards Horatio's coffee table. Horatio knew what was coming next.

"Horatio, what's going on?" Valera asked slowly. Now that Valera had regained her composure she realised just how off kilter Horatio was. She had noticed it earlier but hadn't been able to correctly interpret.

Horatio's eyes flickered in the same direction that Valera's had then back to her. "I, I can't," Horatio said slowly.

He couldn't tell Valera what was going on. He desperately wanted to, but he couldn't. Horatio had little idea of what was really going on with his brother Raymond. Nor did he know how far in over his head he had already managed to get himself. He couldn't drag Valera into such an uncertain situation. No matter how much he wanted to confide in her.

Horatio started to take a step away from Valera. This time it was her turn to reach out and grab hold of his wrist.

Horatio turned back to her and Valera immediately saw the warring emotions in his eyes.

There were so many questions Horatio wanted to ask. He knew Valera wouldn't be able to answer them, but Horatio still wanted to give voice to them. There was so much he needed to talk about.

He needed to know why his brother would agree to go undercover when it meant tearing his family apart. How could he let his wife and son think he was dead?

He wanted to know whether Ray knew that he had a daughter. Did he know that she was sick? Did he know that it was his son who had saved his daughter's life?

He needed to tell someone that he wasn't sure if he even was happy about this development. He didn't know what to tell Yelina, who was already suspicious. He didn't know what to tell Susie. Could he maintain Raymond's deception?

He didn't know what he had gotten himself involved in. Whatever Raymond and Bob were working on it was clearly big and almost certainly dangerous. Horatio wondered whether his discovery had put lives in danger.

He couldn't let Valera get anywhere close to this until he knew for certain that he wouldn't be putting her in harms way.

"Please, Valera," Horatio said desperately, "I can't."

Valera nodded in acceptance if not understanding. She wasn't going to push him. Both had agreed that they needed greater openness and honesty between them if they were to have any hope of resurrecting their relationship. Horatio had been doing this. Valera knew there had to be a very good reason for him to be reluctant now.

"Ok," she said quietly and released his wrist.

Horatio nodded his thanks and his relief

"I'm gonna go," Valera said, a slight smile returned to her face.

Horatio followed Valera to the front door. "I'll keep you updated on the review."

"Thank you." Valera opened the door.

"You know where to find me if you need to talk."

Valera nodded as she stepped outside. She turned back to Horatio. "And you know where to find me," Valera said with a significant look at Horatio.

"Yes, I do."

"Good," Valera said and walked away.

Horatio returned to the living room and sat back down on the couch. He started spreading the files out again, one thought running through his mind: _Raymond is alive_.


	19. Starting Over

_Summary: Starting Over - A Fresh Start._

_Notes: Set during and after the episode '10-7'._

-----_Italics_----- _denotes a flashback._

_So, this has taken way longer to finish than I had ever intended. I had planned to get this final chapter posted several weeks ago but unfortunately I got distracted by my training course. The good news is that I have now made it through the hardest part and finally had the time to get this chapter finished off properly. I owe you all a massive apology for making you wait this long as well as huge thanks for sticking with me so far._

_I still do absolutely intend to write a sequel to this but at the moment I have no idea of a timeframe for when it's going to appear, hopefully sometime later this year._

_Once again a huge thank you to everyone who has been reading this and a special mention to anyone who has reviewed, your comments have been awesome._

_Disclaimer: The dialogue you recognise from the episode obviously does not belong to me (much like the characters) and remains the property of the appropriate parties._

Horatio stood and continued to watch the departing plane, long after it had disappeared from his range of vision.

He didn't know what to do next.

His dead brother was alive and apparently as well as he could be under the circumstances. Horatio had just watched Raymond fly away with half of his family. Raymond, Yelina and Ray Jr were now on their way to Brazil, a journey Horatio had organised. A journey Horatio had let Yelina believe he would be making.

Horatio sighed and finally managed to move himself from the spot. He walked sluggishly towards where he had parked his car; he had ditched the more conspicuous department Hummer and was now travelling in his own personal vehicle.

Horatio still couldn't quite believe what he had just done. After four years Horatio had just reunited his dead brother with his wife and son. He had returned a husband and father.

Horatio couldn't help but relive his own reunion with Raymond.

-----

_Horatio walked slowly back to the Hummer desperately checking his phone for messages. He needed information about Ray Jr. His nephew had been kidnapped by what Horatio now strongly suspected was an active terrorist cell. Having spoken to Agent Park it seemed that Raymond had somehow stumbled upon a group selling drugs to fund terrorism. Their goal was apparently the detonation of a dirty bomb somewhere in Miami. To add to this alarming revelation it now appeared that his long believed dead brother was in the wind. He had missed his check in. And now his son had been kidnapped._

_Now was not the time for Raymond to be missing._

_Horatio still could not believe he was thinking in these terms. Raymond was missing not dead, which was actually an improvement. Horatio wasn't sure whether to laugh or scream. Instead, he settled for removing his sunglasses and climbing into the Hummer._

_He adjusted the rear view mirror… and there was Raymond sitting in the backseat._

"_Raymond." Horatio really wasn't that surprised to see his brother sitting there. He had been certain that by now someone would have made Ray aware of the fact that Horatio knew he was alive. This meeting had been inevitable._

"_Horatio," Raymond replied. He looked older than he should have done. _Being dead doesn't agree with you, _Horatio thought to himself in the time it took Raymond to speak again. "You're the only one I can trust."_

_Horatio glanced around. They were sitting outside of a building full of people who would have been extremely shocked to see Raymond sitting there. He spotted trouble approaching._

"_Hang on," Horatio said quickly. He assumed that Raymond had spotted the problem too when he quickly ducked own._

_Detective John Hagen pulled his car to a sudden stop next to the Hummer. "I thought you'd wanna know, that Matt Young character gave our guys the slip."_

"_We get his address?" Horatio asked trying to hide his desperation. They needed to track this guy in order to find Ray Jr._

"_I'm headed there now, Second and Flagler."_

"_Ok. I'll meet you there," Horatio said trying to keep the tension out of his voice._

_Hagen gave him a curious look. Horatio knew that his demeanour must have seemed odd, but was thankful when Hagen sped off again._

_Horatio looked back up at the rear view mirror and said, "We can't talk here, Raymond." Neither of them could risk somebody else stumbling upon their reunion._

_Raymond nodded wordlessly as Horatio started the engine._

_Horatio drove them to a secluded hideout and parked the Hummer under a bridge that would provide the privacy they needed._

_They walked a few steps closer to the waters edge and finally stood face to face._

_Horatio was finally able to ask the question that had been burning inside him ever since finding out Raymond was alive. "How does a man allow his wife and son to believe he's dead, Raymond?" Horatio demanded with a hard look at his younger brother. He didn't bother to keep the anger or accusatory tone out of his voice._

"_When he's got no other choice, Horatio," Raymond replied defiantly._

_Horatio looked down, away from Raymond. "I begged you, not to work narcotics, didn't I?" Horatio reminded Raymond of the conversation they had all those years ago. Horatio had been all too aware of the risks. Raymond had dismissed them and him._

"_Feds had me dirty on tape. They made me an ultimatum," Raymond explained angrily._

_And there it was, the absolute confirmation that Raymond had been dirty. Horatio had still hoped that, even with the amount of evidence there seemed to be against him, Raymond was innocent. He had clung to the desperate hope that there was some other reason the Feds had convinced Raymond to go so deep undercover._

_Raymond had said it so casually like it barely mattered, but they both knew different._

_Horatio couldn't look at Raymond. "So how does it work? You fake your own death, you join them and you avoid prosecution. Isn't that right?" The implication was clear: You destroyed your family to save your neck._

_Raymond chose to ignore this and focus on what had drawn him out of hiding. "They embedded me in a drug ring that did a lot more than dealing."_

_Horatio started talking before Raymond had finished. "Yes, that's exactly right, Raymond. They're making dirty bombs," Horatio explained._

_Raymond looked shocked and angry. He hadn't known any of this for certain but his brother did._

"_Big brother still knows more than me," Raymond declared. He sounded even more pissed. Horatio had made it as far into the investigation as Raymond in a lot less time._

"_Tell me why you killed the bomber." Horatio knew it sounded like he was accusing Raymond, but he needed to know why. He needed to know that his brother wasn't a cold blooded killer on top of everything else._

"_Because he made me, and I was worried he was gonna go after my family," Raymond answered forcefully._

"_Well it didn't work, coz they have Ray Jr."_

_Horatio's words had an immediate effect on Raymond. He looked shocked and pained. Raymond took a rocky step back as though he had just taken a punch to the gut. "What?" he asked quietly._

"_Tell me about the bomb," Horatio demanded._

_Raymond looked away. "Ray Jr's all I care about right now."_

"_Raymond, there's a way outta this, but you gotta work with me," Horatio pleaded desperately. His words were firm and forceful._

_Horatio had been half formulating a plan ever since he had discovered that Raymond was alive. He had been adding more details as the situation unfolded. And now, in order to make his plan work, he had to take a leaf out of Raymond's book._

"_Yeah, I'm listening," Raymond said quietly. It was time for the two brothers to work together again._

-----

Horatio dragged his mind back to the present.

His plan had worked out. He had helped his brother fake his own death, again. In doing so Horatio had ended Raymond's association with the drug ring and gotten him off the Fed's radar just long enough to get him out of the country.

Long enough to reunite him with his wife and son.

Horatio hoped that a successful end to the operation with the dirty bombers would have done enough to earn Raymond his freedom from the Feds. He didn't want them to go looking for him.

He also hoped that Raymond, Yelina and Ray Jr would have the strength to start over, to rebuild their fractured family.

Only time would tell.

Raymond wasn't the only brother trying to rebuild a fractured relationship. Horatio's mind automatically slipped to Valera.

They weren't back together. But they had now developed a far deeper friendship than had existed before.

In a weird way Valera's suspension from the lab actually seemed to be helping them.

In the couple of weeks that had passed since her suspension Horatio and Valera had talked far more frequently than they had at any point since taking the first tentative steps towards rebuilding their relationship.

Horatio had quickly made a habit of calling Valera at the end of each day, both to keep her updated on what he knew of the case review and to keep her informed about what else was going on in the lab. She had also been a pillar of strength for him while dealing with the return of his brother. Horatio hadn't shared the details of this with Valera but she had helped nonetheless.

Horatio had shared with her his anger and frustration when the 'Axeman' case had been reopened under the pretext of her review. Valera had not worked in the lab five years ago; her only involvement in the case was to prepare a review of the DNA findings for a previous appeal because the original analyst had left the department. There had been nothing wrong with her work. Horatio half suspected that Don had not fought that hard against the appeal to further punish Valera and the lab, although he didn't tell her that. He had once again renewed his promise that he would not let her become a scapegoat for failed cases.

Valera in turn had told Horatio about a bizarre conversation she had had with Calleigh. Calleigh had apologised for doubting the quality of her work on a particular case, a custody battle that had turned out to be so much more, and had assured Valera that she was confident that the outcome of the review would be favourable.

He knew he wasn't the only person keeping Valera updated as on more than one occasion Valera had actually been one step ahead of him on the gossip curve. Horatio was sure Calleigh was responsible for most of this information.

Horatio felt his heart constrict at the thought of Calleigh.

Calleigh had watched John Hagen kill himself in her Ballistics lab. A room which Horatio was convinced served as a sanctuary as much as her own home did.

Hagen had never really been the same after Raymond's 'death'. Hagen believed himself dirty by association. He resented the fact that Horatio's and Yelina's reputations, and their distance from Ray's cases, had allowed them to shake off much of the negative fallout from his death. Hagen had been Raymond's partner, he had been too close. While people had been left to wonder about Raymond they had also been left to consider Hagen's role in everything that had happened. Horatio himself had been guilty of doing much the same thing. He had once directly questioned Hagen's actions leading up to Raymond's 'death'. Horatio had greatly misjudged Hagen.

While Horatio was sure that there were other factors at work which had led to Hagen's suicide, he was also sure that the shadow of Raymond Caine had played a significant role. Horatio couldn't help but wonder whether his own exclusion of Hagen earlier in the day had been one step too far for him. Had his attempts to protect Hagen pushed him over the edge?

Horatio had to shake himself out of this line of thinking; he knew there was little point dwelling on it now. He only hoped that Calleigh would be able to find a way to move forward.

Once more Horatio turned his thoughts to Valera. He wanted to talk to her, although his desire had little to do with wanting to update her on the review.

Horatio pressed the relevant speed dial combination and waited for Valera to answer.

"Hey." Valera's voice warmed Horatio.

"Hi." Horatio hesitated. He didn't know what he actually wanted to say. He had been driven by a simple desire to hear her voice.

"What's up?" Valera asked, sensing Horatio hesitance.

Horatio bypassed the question; there was no simple answer to it. Instead he asked, "Where are you?" Horatio could tell from the background noise that she was out somewhere.

"Lincoln Road," Valera answered easily. "Shopping."

Horatio couldn't help but laugh. "Again?" She had been spending a lot of time doing that, despite the fact that her income had just taken a significant drop.

Valera made an irritated but amused sound down the phone at him. "I've been window shopping until now," she told him indignantly. "Besides there was only so long I could suffer this suspension without a little retail therapy."

Horatio smiled. "Fair enough. Would you mind some company?" Horatio asked hopefully. He had cleared his desk before going to see Yelina and was now at a loose end. He knew the mall wouldn't be open for much longer but all he really wanted was to spend some time with Valera.

"Sure," Valera answered somewhat surprised by the request. "Are you still at the lab?"

"No, I'm uh… I'm in the field, but I'm done for the day. How about I meet you on the corner of Lincoln and Lenox in about half an hour?"

"Perfect. I'll see you then."

They exchanged goodbyes and Horatio finally climbed into his car. A few moments later he pulled away and headed towards South Beach.

XXX

The drive actually took Horatio less time than he had anticipated, the streets were far more deserted then they should have been at this hour of the day. It was only while he was stood waiting for Valera that Horatio realised the reason why. A significant number of citizens had started to evacuate the city when news of an imminent terrorist threat had leaked out to the media.

"Hey." Horatio jumped slightly. It was a rare day that Valera actually managed to sneak up on Horatio.

"Hi," Horatio replied with a smile. "You didn't evacuate?"

Valera shook her head. "I've been out all day. I didn't see the news until a while after it had broken. Then I got your text message to say that the situation was over and not to worry. Thank you for that by the way," Valera said with a smile.

"No worries."

"So, what do you want to do?" Valera asked, still curious as to exactly why Horatio had chosen to join her.

"I'm just tagging along. Carry on doing whatever it was you were doing before I called," Horatio told her.

"You sure?" Valera asked sceptically, not sure that Horatio would enjoy trailing around shops after her.

"Absolutely."

"Ok." Valera shrugged. "Come on then." She wasn't sure what had drawn Horatio out here but she was glad of the company.

They set off up the road side by side. Valera was surprised to feel Horatio's hand brush against hers as he slipped the shopping bags into his own. He shifted them to his other side. "Let me," Horatio said quietly. Valera was even more surprised when once again Horatio's hand brushed against hers. This time their fingers intertwined and they walked along hand in hand, both enjoying a warm feeling that had nothing to do with the weather.

It was just over an hour later that Valera finally said, "Ok, all done." She had acquired two extra bags since Horatio had joined her.

"Did you drive?" Horatio asked curiously.

"No, I didn't want to find parking."

"I'll drive you home then," Horatio paused as a thought occurred to him. "Let me cook you dinner tonight."

Horatio knew this was a risk. They hadn't done anything like that in a long while, but he wanted to spend more time with Valera. He didn't want to say goodbye yet today.

Valera smiled warmly at the invitation. "I'd love that."

"Great. There's just something I need to do first." Valera nodded as they started walking back to where Horatio had parked his car. "So, why don't I drop you home, then I'll pick you up again on the way back to my place," Horatio suggested.

"Sounds perfect."

Horatio hesitated. He wasn't sure whether or not to tell Valera where he was going. It was his intention to visit Calleigh as he hadn't actually seen her since Hagen shot himself. Horatio didn't want to spoil Valera's good mood but he knew she and Calleigh were close. Valera would want to know.

Valera seemed to sense his dilemma. "What's wrong?"

"I'm going to go see Calleigh."

Horatio's tone and demeanour told Valera that something very bad had happened. "Horatio?" Valera prompted.

"John Hagen killed himself in the ballistics lab this afternoon," Horatio said solemnly.

Valera stopped suddenly, just short of the parked car, and turned to Horatio. "Was Calleigh there?"

Horatio nodded sadly. "Yeah."

"Oh my god," Valera said quietly to herself. She looked expectantly at Horatio for more details.

"I don't know exactly what happened, but he took evidence from the crime scene this morning and held his gun on Calleigh." Valera gasped. "He didn't hurt her, but she was a bit freaked out. I need to see how she's doing."

They resumed walking.

"There's something more to all of this, isn't there?" Valera asked sagely. She recognised his body language. Horatio was blaming himself for what had happened.

"There is," Horatio admitted. "But I still can't tell you about it."

That was all the information Valera needed. Horatio had said enough to tell Valera that all of this somehow had something to do with whatever he had been working on when she was suspended.

"Ok," Valera said as she once again joined her hand with his.

Horatio opened the trunk of his car one handed as they both loaded Valera's bags.

XXX

Horatio opened his front door and stepped back to allow Valera to walk in ahead of him.

"Do you think she'll come back?"

"I don't know," Horatio admitted sadly. He had just finished telling Valera about seeing Calleigh and how she had handed him her magnetic nameplate that had been under the ballistics department. "Calleigh doesn't want to leave but, right now, she can't face going back to ballistics. I promised I would arrange a transfer, probably to trace, when she comes back."

"Good," Valera declared as she dropped down onto the couch.

"Give me a minute and I'll go get us drinks."

Valera nodded. Horatio headed towards the bedroom.

"I saw Ryan on the news earlier," Valera called after him. She heard Horatio make a disapproving noise and laughed.

She waited until Horatio returned, now looking much more relaxed and with a glass of red wine for her, to ask, "So what's the story there?"

"I believe, it involves a girl," Horatio said with a surprising mix of amusement and disapproval.

"Ah."

"Indeed. I believe that it was young Mr Wolfe who managed to leak the dirty bomb information to the press. Eric, was not pleased," Horatio explained, a greater note of tension slipping into his voice.

"Ah," Valera said again, this time in an entirely different tone. It was an increasingly well known fact that Eric's and Ryan's relationship was deteriorating rapidly. A relationship that had always been relatively frosty was now down right confrontational.

It suddenly struck Horatio just how fractured his team had become. Ryan, in a desperate attempt to shake off the shadow of Tim Speedle had managed to alienate both Eric and, to a lesser extent, Calleigh. Eric, in what appeared to be an inability to cope with the death of his best friend, had started engaging in the questionable practice of anonymous sex which had very nearly cost him dearly through the loss of his badge. And now Calleigh had witnessed a man she used to date kill himself in her lab.

It had been a hell of a year. Horatio resolved that from now on he would do everything he could to pull his team back together.

Horatio simply flicked his eyebrows at Valera in response, not voicing his thoughts. "I'll go start dinner."

While she waited for Horatio to return from the kitchen Valera turned on the TV and once again found herself watching the news. This time they were showing new footage of the final showdown with the terrorists.

In this footage Valera was immediately able to identify an undoubtedly recognisable figure. There was Horatio standing next to the helicopter disarming a bomb while the haz-mat team and a large number of police personnel looked on.

"Horatio, could you come in here for a minute," Valera called out.

Horatio appeared a moment later. Valera was now standing in front of the TV. "What's wrong?" Horatio asked curiously.

Valera said nothing but instead simply pointed at the screen where the footage was now being replayed and analysed.

"Ah," Horatio said in much the same tone as Valera had done a short time ago.

"You didn't say you were that close… that you were the one who…" Valera trailed off shakily. She wasn't sure how to react to the fact that Horatio had been so close to the main threat. Valera hadn't realised how serious the day's events had been until after Horatio had dropped her off at home. She had switched on the TV to find a constant news stream discussing how close to disaster Miami had come. No wonder Horatio had been surprised to discover she was out shopping, Valera had been blissfully unaware of what was really going on.

"Eric and I were first on the scene," Horatio explained slowly as he stepped closer to Valera so that there was barely daylight between them. "Bomb squad weren't on scene yet and we were running out of time. I was the only one there who had the experience to disarm it, so I did." Valera didn't look particularly impressed by this argument so Horatio continued lamely, "It wasn't a very complicated device."

Valera looked even less impressed.

Horatio reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Valera, I used to do that for a living. I knew what I was doing."

Valera nodded and took hold of the hand that had just brushed her face. "I think, I think it would have terrified me to know you when you worked Bomb Squad," Valera said shakily.

"Hey, come here," Horatio said softly drawing Valera into a tight hug.

Horatio released Valera but did not step back from her immediately. After a slight hesitation Horatio reached down and grasped Valera's hand. He turned and led her towards the kitchen. "Come on, you can help me cook."

Valera followed even though cooking wasn't exactly what either one of them wanted to be doing in that particular moment.

XXX

Valera passed Horatio the last of their dishes to load into the dishwasher. They had just shared a very enjoyable meal where both had managed to steer the conversation towards more cheerful topics.

Horatio laughed warmly. "I really can't picture you with pink hair," Horatio said as he tried to do exactly that.

"I was nineteen," Valera said with a shrug. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

Horatio laughed again. "If you say so."

Valera fired an unconvincingly stern look at Horatio and swatted his chest lightly. Horatio leaned around Valera to put things back into the cupboard. As their bodies brushed together a familiar warmth spread through them. It was getting harder to ignore.

"So you've never had any hair related disasters?"

"Nope," Horatio said with a shake of his head. "I know to leave well enough alone."

"Really? That's a shame. I think you'd look cute with a nice… mohawk, or something," Valera said with a grin as she reached out to mess with his hair.

"Oh no you don't." Horatio caught Valera's wrists easily.

Valera stepped back from Horatio and into the kitchen cabinets. Horatio stepped in closer, they were both laughing now. Horatio held her hands against his chest.

The familiar warm feeling was back again.

Horatio released his hold on Valera's wrists and set his arms to either side of her body. She didn't move her hands from his chest. Their eyes met with a spark. Horatio couldn't stand it any longer. Slowly he bent his head forwards. His eyes never left hers. With absolute reverence Horatio delicately brushed his lips against Valera's.

It was only the briefest of kisses before Horatio realised that he had overstepped his bounds.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"Don't be." Valera quickly slid her hands from where they had lain on Horatio's chest to around his neck and pulled him back towards her.

Their lips met again. Neither of them held back. Both poured in all the longing and emotion they had felt in the months they had been apart. They savoured sensations that neither of them had felt in all that time. Neither moved, neither tried to pull apart. Neither wanted to.

They stood there for a long time simply kissing. They kissed fiercely with passion. They slowed to delicate touches.

Between soft kisses it was Horatio who asked, "Are you sure?" No matter how much he wanted it Horatio didn't want to push Valera back into this.

Valera nodded wordlessly and broke away from Horatio only to take him by the hand. She turned and led Horatio towards his bedroom. Horatio followed.

They had barely passed the threshold when Horatio, unable to stand the separation any longer, pulled Valera back to him for another searing kiss.

Valera made fast work of the buttons on Horatio's shirt and he quickly found himself slipping out of it. Obligingly Valera lifted her arms so that Horatio could remove her sweater. They took a few stumbling steps towards the bed as Valera's hands worked on Horatio's belt and the buttons of her own jeans at the same time. Moments later they were both left standing in only their underwear.

Horatio lifted Valera just enough to lay them both down on the bed. They lay entwined together.

They kissed and touched, reacquainting themselves with the others body. Old sensations were experienced once again.

Horatio was torn. Part of him wanted to speed things up to experience completion with Valera. But the other part of him never wanted this to end.

Valera pushed Horatio down so that he lay flat on his back. She lay on top of him straddling his hips. Horatio reached up and undid the clasp of Valera's bra. He threw it to the floor with the rest of their clothes. Slowly Horatio caressed Valera left breast as he sat up. They sat face to face with Valera leaning back against his thighs.

Horatio kissed a trail down Valera's neck and through the valley between her breasts. Valera moaned loudly in Horatio's ear. She pushed him back down flat on the bed.

With an almost predatory smile Valera placed a delicate kiss on the tip of Horatio's chin. She kissed her way down his neck as she slid down Horatio's body. Valera locked her lips against Horatio's neck.

The sensation from this alone was enough to make Horatio moan loudly. His moans intensified as Valera's hand slipped into his boxer shorts. Horatio was already hard as Valera's hand wrapped around his length, now the ache became nearly unbearable.

Apparently Valera no longer wanted to take things slowly.

Horatio squirmed under Valera as his control faltered.

Placing a trembling hand on Valera's cheek Horatio pulled her back up to him. He kissed her as they slipped out of their underwear.

They rolled over and Horatio held himself above Valera. She shifted her legs invitingly under him. Horatio obliged and slid a hand against her as they kissed shallowly. Valera gasped against his lips as Horatio's fingers brushed against her clit.

Horatio deepened their kiss as he positioned his erection teasingly against her entrance. They pushed towards each other and Horatio slid easily into Valera. Both gasped and pulled away from the kiss.

Horatio thrust into Valera, he wanted this moment to last but didn't think he was going to be able to hold himself back for very long.

Valera slid one leg up Horatio's thighs as close to his hips as she could. She wanted to draw him closer, deeper.

Their movements were desperate and erratic.

Valera could feel her orgasm building and Horatio could feel it too. He only hoped that he would be able to last long enough to experience it with her.

Horatio gasped as Valera clenched around him. They were both breathing hard now as each poured everything they had into the other.

With his lips pressed against Valera's neck Horatio thrust hard and came. He jerked wildly and this was enough to push Valera over the edge.

Valera cried out and clawed desperately at Horatio's back.

Horatio collapsed down onto Valera but rolled them onto their sides quickly so that he didn't crush her.

Both were desperately trying to catch their breath, neither tried to pull apart.

Horatio gently caressed Valera's cheek and they grinned happily at each other. Only now did Horatio shift his hips to pull out of her.

They lay on their sides, simply touching, until tiredness finally caught up with Horatio. Valera could see his eyes fading so she gently prodded him to make him lie flat on his back. She settled her head down onto his chest and allowed herself to drift off to sleep too.

XXX

Horatio woke up alone in bed. This had been a familiar state in recent weeks, but he knew it wasn't right tonight. He rolled over and checked the floor. Valera's clothes were still scattered there, she hadn't gone very far.

He laid still and listened for any sound of movement. He didn't hear anything.

Horatio slipped out of bed and pulled on his previously discarded boxer shorts. He didn't have to go far to find Valera.

He padded softly into the living room and found her standing in front of the glass doors leading out to the deck wearing his shirt. She was watching the darkened view.

Horatio approached slowly, keen not to startle her on this occasion. Seeing his own reflection in the glass Horatio knew that Valera could see him coming.

A soft reflected smile was Valera's acknowledgement of his presence. Horatio stepped in close behind Valera and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"You alright?" Horatio asked uncertainly.

"Fine. Just thinking."

Horatio nodded and kissed Valera lightly on the neck.

"Did we just make a mistake?"

"No," Valera replied without hesitation.

Horatio released a sigh of relief.

"Things have to be different this time though."

"It will be," Horatio promised. "I know we have a lot to talk about, but the middle of the night, is not the time."

Valera nodded her agreement.

"Good." Horatio turned Valera around to face him. "There is one thing I have to say, though." Horatio took a deep breath. He had to say this. He should have said it a long time ago. He needed Valera to know that he was committed to making their relationship work. "I love you. I've loved you for a long time."

Horatio didn't dare let his eyes slip from their contact with Valera's.

They stood wordlessly and Horatio became suddenly nervous. "You don't have to say anything, I just needed -"

Valera's finger on his lips silenced Horatio. "I love you too." Valera kissed him and Horatio eagerly returned it.

They broke apart and stood wordlessly for another long moment. They both knew these words weren't a quick fix for their relationship. They still had to work to make things right, but now neither had any doubt how the other felt. They could make their relationship work again. They could make it better than it had been before.

"Now, let's go back to bed. I already miss not having you there," Horatio said quietly.

Valera placed her hands on his hips. "You really can be very sweet."

Horatio smiled and leaned forward to kiss Valera again.

They broke apart and Horatio led Valera back to bed.


End file.
